The Cupid 500
by labellily
Summary: Love is confusing, yeah, but this just takes the cake.
1. AND WE'RE OFF!

The Cupid 500  
  
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First off, I'd like to thank Jackie-chan for giving me this name! I couldn't think of ANYTHING! Secondly, this is a teaser-ish thing, so if you hate it, say so, and I'll nuke it. Thirdly, ENJOY!  
  
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Precisely one second before the light turned green, she floored the gas and leapt into traffic, really not caring that everyone was honking at her. With that blonde hair whipping furiously behind her and the sunlight glinting off black sunglasses, she was truly a sight to behold, so not many of the drivers really felt offended. It was almost as if she looked like she deserved to act like that.  
  
She was sitting in a green Jeep wearing a tiny pink shirt that tied around her neck and very short shorts; the woman demanded everyone's attention. Upon first sight, one would either fall madly in love or believe that they were dreaming of an angel come to Earth.  
  
Then they would get close enough to understand what she was shouting over the wind and would add pressure to the gas pedal to get quickly away from the woman's foul, foul mouth. For indeed, this "angel" was in a very, very bad mood.  
  
Praying once more to God for patience, she pressed his speed-dial button on her cell phone and waited for him to either acknowledge her call or turn on the recording.  
  
She got the recording.  
  
The "angel" swore loudly at her phone (which was happily playing the chorus of "Happy Holidays" by blink 182) and yanked hard on the wheel to get back into the lane she was supposed to be in. Pointedly ignoring the other drivers angry shouts, she floored the gas again and roared down the highway.  
  
So, she thought grimly. He thought he could dump her, Usagi Tsukino? Just like that? How dare he? It was simply not done. No one had dumped her since, well, she and her current ex had begun going out.  
  
Usagi drummed her fingers restlessly against the steering wheel and considered the implications of this untimely break up. Number one, it meant that she was no longer going to be able to make awe-inspiring appearances at any more fancy dinner parties unless she snuck in and became a mystery guest. Believe it or not, there were actually protocols for dealing with mystery guests. She hadn't actually known that until her first royalty classed dinner party. Her hands tightened on the wheel remembering that certain party, and she forced her mind back to her list.  
  
Number two, it meant that she could no longer show him off to her friends, and (more importantly) her enemies. Number three, it meant that he was up for grabs by any woman that had ever seen him.  
  
This simply would not do.  
  
Suddenly realizing that she was thinking about her ex-boyfriend like a slave that had run away, she then proceeded to consider what, exactly, she felt about him. Did she, in fact, think of him as a slave that had gotten away? Were there any deeper feelings? Perhaps there were, but Usagi did not give herself time to explore these deep, hidden emotions for her previous "Love of All Time"  
  
She was much to busy dragging her Jeep around a sharp corner and then flipping off several drivers that happened to be in her way. Suddenly the anger burst forth in her belly, and she cursed again. Keeping her eyes on the road, she fumbled for her backpack, found a CD, and inserted it in the player.  
  
MxPx issued forth: one of HIS CDs.  
  
Using a few choice phrases that she had picked up from one of his friends, she stabbed the eject button, fairly tore the CD from its player and flung it onto a windshield nearby.  
  
"Happy Halloween!" she shouted at the shocked face. A shocked face with large blue eyes and short blue hair.  
  
Once again, if Usagi had given herself time, she probably could have placed the face. But when Usagi got onto the road and began listening to Eminem, it was only a matter of time before her mood worsened, and her mouth along with it. And by the time she had almost placed the face, she was well into the first track.  
  
Usagi and her Jeep swerved into his driveway, nearly running over the boxes that were left haphazardly all over the lawn. She slammed her fist against the steering wheel and looked up towards the balcony. Sure enough, there HE was, laughing down at her.  
  
She leaped out of the car, long legs flashing. Inadvertently making the entire male population of the street zoom in on her, Usagi raised her fist and shook it at him, who just kept laughing.  
  
He disappeared for a second, and when he came back "Happy Holidays" blared out of his speakers, pouring into the street and into her ears. She screamed her favorite profanity at him and ran to her boxes.  
  
Oh, he was going to pay. Good Lord, he was going to pay. Usagi loaded her boxes into the backseat of her Jeep angrily, and jumped back into the car. Now she was going to have to think up something spectacular to get him back. You do NOT humiliate a woman like that! It could have been worse, though. And he's still got round two up his sleeves somewhere, she decided with absolute certainty.  
  
Her cell phone rang, jarring her from her vengeful ponderings. Irritated, she picked it up and hit talk. "What?" she snapped.  
  
"Ano, Usagi?"  
  
Usagi frowned. The voice wasn't familiar. "Hai, who wants to know?"  
  
"It's Rei. Rei Hino. Remember me?"  
  
She laughed. As if she could ever forget Rei! "Of course I remember you! You were the second one, right? Then came Makoto, and Minako. Then, of course, came Hotaru, Michiru, Haruka, Setsuna, and everyone else. Why? Aren't you on a tour somewhere in America right now?"  
  
Rei laughed sheepishly. "Yes, I am, but I decided that since I haven't seen you, Mamoru, and the others in so many years that I had better check up on you!"  
  
Usagi snickered. Funny that Rei should mention Mamoru. "Rei-chan, Mamoru won't be able to make it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well," Usagi said with a laugh, "I think he's still got a whole lot of jail time left."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"You see, it seemed that Mamoru was having some substance problems. Not that he was a stoner or anything, he just sold it to a lot of people. I was getting sick of him, so when I found some evidence on him, I turned him in."  
  
"How could you do that?"  
  
Usagi laughed again. Rei was sounding so shocked that she had turned her second "Love of All Time" in. Jesus Christ, she thought in satisfaction. Weren't THEY in for a surprise!  
  
"Rei, I think that when you see me and the others, you'll find out first had that I'm not quite the bunny you left safely behind in Tokyo. Ja!"  
  
She hung up and stuffed the phone back into her purse. Well, they'd probably be meeting at the temple or the arcade. The arcade was closer, so she should stop there first. Grinning suddenly, she slammed on the gas and almost flew forwards. Yes, she loved her little car.  
  
Veering into the parking lot, she hit the brakes and dropped from the car. Gathering up her purse and pushing through the doors, she realized that she hadn't been in Crown Arcade since Rei, Ami, Makoto, Minako, Michiru, and Haruka had left. Setsuna and Hotaru had stayed behind, the only two witnesses to Usagi's startling transformation. She really hadn't been able to help it. Usagi had met him at the movies one day, and they had hit it off really well.  
  
Things had progressed from there, and, well, here she was now. Looking impatiently around the arcade, seeming for all the world like a queen with a tight schedule. But no, that would be Relena, wouldn't it? Ha! Relena! Queen! As if the stupid girl would know real peace if it slapped her in the face and did the twist on her nose.  
  
"Usagi, is that you?" Motoki asked in shock.  
  
A big smile came to her face, and she gave him a big hug. "Hai, it's me! I haven't been here in ages! How are you doing, Toki-kun?"  
  
His grin widened. "I'm doing great, but I should be asking about you. How're you taking the breakup?"  
  
Usagi laughed and waved it off. "Oh, it's not big deal. I'm planning retaliation as we speak. Can I get a chocolate milk shake?" she asked, handing him a five.  
  
Motoki smiled. "Sure," he said, going back behind the counter. Three seconds later, he had her shake in hand.  
  
Once he handed her the shake and her change, he finished what he was going to say earlier.. "I have to say," he said finally, "you two DO provide us with enough entertainment. You're twenty two and twenty three. Will you and your man ever grow up?"  
  
"Oh, Motoki! Are you saying we're childish? We just like a little fun, nii-kun. But that's beside the fact. Have you seen Rei around?"  
  
He snickered. "Yeah, she and your other friends are sitting over at that table looking for the old you. Odango Amata," he added with a smirk.  
  
"Won't they be surprised," Usagi returned pleasantly.  
  
Drawing up her trademark smirk, she began the walk over to the table where her friends sat oblivious to her approach. As she passed a table, a hand shot out and touched her arm.  
  
"Usagi, are you alright?"  
  
Surprised, she looked down into Quatre's sweet face and laughed. "Of course I'm alright, Quat-kun! Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
He blushed furiously. "Well, because of the breakup between you and---"  
  
"Oh, that's nothing," she said airily. Then a crafty smile came to her face. "Oi, nii-kun, you want to come meet some of my friends?"  
  
Quatre blanched, probably remembering the last time she had introduced him to her friends. He had barely escaped with his life. "Ah, no, but thank you anyways. Oh, yes, Usa-chan? Would you like to come to the dinner party tomorrow night? You may invite as many people as you like."  
  
Usagi smirked. "And won't that just make him feel nice! Yes, and I'll wear that dress that he always drooled over, and I'll make it a point to be there with another man! Oh, this will be fun!"  
  
Quatre coughed. "Warning you, Usa-chan. He's planning the exact same thing, and he's taking Yohji's ex girlfriend. I heard that there were hard feelings on both sides. It's likely that he's going with her so he can get back at you, and she can get back at Yohji. But you know that he's very good at that game," he said, referring to her "love".  
  
"Well, I've always been able to do it much better, haven't I, Quatre-kun?"  
  
He coughed again, and hurriedly excused himself. The blonde woman laughed softly at the poor innocent, and continued towards her own clan. Recalling her smirk once more, she slid easily into the spot next to Rei, who stared at her in shock.  
  
"Usagi?"  
  
She nodded, her smirk growing even more if it were possible. "Hai, it's me. Nice to see y'all again," she said with a laugh.  
  
Minako raised a trembling hand and pointed at her blonde hair--- which now fell to the middle of her back. "Usagi," she said in horror, "your hair! What did you do to your odangos? And you got your ears pierced! And a tattoo! A tattoo of a burning dove!"  
  
Usagi proudly displayed her left shoulder-blade and snickered at their reactions. Ami was just staring at her like she had never seen the blonde before. Minako was flipping out about the way she looked, Makoto was cracking up about a joke well executed, but only Rei heard the subtle nuances in her voice that really set her apart.  
  
"You sound a lot experienced, Usa-chan," Rei finally remarked.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "I hope so. It's been five years since---"  
  
"USA-CHAN! Did you break up with him?" Hotaru yelled, running up and plopping down beside the smiling blonde.  
  
Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna came into sight closely afterwards, and sank gratefully into the seats. The eight women sat there for quite a while, just loving being together again. But then Hotaru broke the silence.  
  
"Did you?" she asked impatiently.  
  
Usagi sipped at her milk shake and shook her head. "Iie. It was his turn. I get him next time though, and oh am I going to make it a day to remember!"  
  
Setsuna shook her head slightly. "Usagi-hime, when will you learn that love is nothing to play with? Yes, you escaped destiny by sending Mamoru to prison, but you are destined for love."  
  
"Ha! You call what he and I had love? Oh, that's a laugh."  
  
"If he heard you say that, he would say that he was wounded deeply, or something like that," Hotaru remarked.  
  
Usagi frowned. "Actually, we're not on speaking terms right now. We're still just a tad bit upset with each other. His theme this time is---"  
  
"Happy Holidays," Hotaru finished.  
  
The blonde gave Hotaru the Glare-O'-Death that she picked up from Hiiro, and crossed her arms. "I'm offended that you didn't share that with me, Hota-chan."  
  
"WAIT!" Minako shouted. "Who are you talking about? And what's this about Mamoru being in jail? God, I'm so confused! Someone PLEASE enlighten me!"  
  
Usagi cleared her throat. "Oh, well this is going to be fun. I've never exactly told the story before. Everyone knows it by heart now! Um, Hotaru, you can start. You met the infamous Duo Maxwell first."  
  
The smaller girl laughed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Alright. I met Duo in the tenth grade. I was having problems with my Auto class, and so the teacher got me the number of someone who he said could help me. That someone turned out to be Duo Maxwell. So he started teaching me, and we got to be pretty good friends. Then one day Usagi here was having a nervous breakdown about college and you guys not being with her, and so I asked Duo if he wanted to go to the movies. He said sure, and I told Usagi that I'd met her there. Neither of them knew the other was coming."  
  
"And this is where I come in," Usagi broke in. "So I was standing there waiting for Hota-chan when she runs in with this HUNK of a guy. I was so embarrassed! I thought I was drooling---no, I'm sure I was. But Duo and I got to talking, and we immediately decided to be an "item". I broke up with him three weeks later, because I was having destiny problems and crap. We got back together, and he dumped me. We got back together, and I dumped him. We got back together---"  
  
"What Usagi means," Hotaru said hurriedly, "is that they made a habit of getting back together and then taking turns dumping each other. Each time it was more spectacular than the last time. I don't even want to know how he dumped you this time, compared to what you did to him a while back."  
  
Usagi laughed again. It was so weird to hear their story from someone else's point of view! She hadn't really given their meeting much thought, since it was quite a while ago. Unfortunately, she felt herself going all squeaky and reminiscent about him, which was a BAD thing. So she shook her head and focused exclusively on her friends, who were staring at her in semi-shock.  
  
"You did that?" Michiru asked finally.  
  
The blonde stared at her, pulled out her trusty cell phone and dialed Duo's number. "Here. Listen. Learn."  
  
Michiru held the phone to her ear for a minute of two, and then handed it back to Usagi, making stammering noises and blushing like a bride. Or a virgin, Usagi mused to herself. Then she nearly laughed aloud. THAT was a new one.  
  
Suddenly a hand slammed down on her table, making them all jump. Usagi glanced up into laughing violet eyes, and then took another leisurely sip of her shake.  
  
"Got you there, Usa."  
  
Usagi made sure that her voice sounded lazy and bored. She raised her eyes under half-closed eyelids. "The day you could get me would be the day Relena stopped stalking Hii-kun. Which, of course, is never."  
  
Duo's smile widened. "Oh, but my dear Usagi! I have a present for you. I'm sure it will bring back a great deal of good memories."  
  
She arched an eyebrow. "Good memories? Of you? I highly doubt that. Oh, Duo! Meet my friends, Minako, Rei, Ami, Makoto, Haruka, and Michiru. I'm sure they'd all love to hear my memories of you about, say, two years ago?"  
  
A quirky smile danced across his lips. "As much as they'd love to hear about the summer football camp, of course."  
  
Usagi folded her hands and smiled pleasantly. "But the story about dance camp is so much more interesting!"  
  
He shook his head in amusement. "Oh, I'd have to disagree. The time in-"  
  
"DUO-KUN! Uh," Hotaru faltered at the identical glares from Duo and Usagi. Gulping nervously, she plunged on. "Let's go play an arcade game, okay?"  
  
The braided man smiled indulgently. "Sure, Hota-chan. What do you wanna play?"  
  
"The Sailor V game!"  
  
Hotaru flashed an impish smile at Minako, who was staring at Duo like he was a god come to Earth. Evil plans danced through Usagi's head, so that she completely missed the meaningful look that Hotaru sent to Setsuna. The violet haired girl walked off with Duo, who laughed from time to time at things that Usagi said.  
  
The blonde looked after them thoughtfully, measuring their heights against each other. Hmm. Hotaru was a little short, but they were still at about the right height, she mused thoughtfully. Then she turned bright blue eyes towards the others, imagining them standing next to Duo. Of all of them, Makoto was the best match. A cute smile crossed Usagi's lips.  
  
Rei saw this smile, and completely misinterpreted it. "You still like him, don't you, Usa-chan?"  
  
Usagi stared at her in shock that the miko would even say something so ridiculously absurd. Finally realizing that a reply was expected of her, she laughed. "Oh Rei, you're so funny sometimes! Of course not. I'm really very upset with him," she explained.  
  
And that was why she was planning things to do to him. Things that were going to make her laugh. But Rei was shaking her head with a queer little smile on her face. "You still like him! Admit it!"  
  
Usagi shook her head again. "Iie. You know who I do like, however? That Yohji man down at that flower shop. I heard recently that he broke up with his girlfriend, Saori, and that it was a furious breakup for both of them. They each blame the other. And, what's even better is that Duo's taking Saori to the party! Oh, this is too perfect."  
  
Rei was not to be deterred. "I still think you like him."  
  
Usagi just sighed and took another despairing sip of her shake. She was so engrossed in her plans for vengeance that she hardly noticed when a shadow loomed over her. Luckily Hotaru called out before Usagi was caught off guard once again.  
  
"I beat Duo, Usa-chan! I beat Duo! For the first time!"  
  
Usagi lifted her head and beamed at Hotaru around Duo's body. "That's great! Not very surprising, though. Duo is not the best at arcade games."  
  
"You're not much better, Usa."  
  
"Compared to you, I'm God."  
  
"Satan, maybe."  
  
Rei nodded knowingly. "I was right."  
  
Usagi and Duo both whipped their heads around and stared at the smirking woman. Her violet eyes flashed at them, and a smile spread across her features.  
  
"I knew you two still liked each other."  
  
"What?" the accused asked in unison. Then they glared at each other.  
  
"That's absurd," Usagi declared.  
  
Duo nodded in confirmation. "I'm never dating a royal bitch like Usagi ever again."  
  
"If I'm classified as a bitch, I shudder to think about what lowly creature you're classified as, Duo."  
  
"Prove it," Ami suddenly said.  
  
Everyone stared at her. Ami nodded as if she had expected this reaction. "You heard me. Prove it. According to Usagi and Hotaru, you two have broken up several times before. And now you both claim to dislike each other, which I believe to be completely and utterly untrue. This "breakup" is said to last about two weeks, correct?"  
  
Duo nodded reluctantly, while Usagi just stared at Ami. Dr. Ami Mizuno smiled again. One of her favorite pastimes as of late was matchmaking. And it seemed like Usagi and Duo were in desperate need of some very heavy- duty matchmaking. She cracked mental knuckles and dove in for the finishing trap.  
  
"And so I challenge you to not get back together until, say Christmas. If you have not gone out, kissed, hugged, or made any contact with each other that could not be classified as friendship, I will pay you each five hundred dollars. If you have done any of the things previously mentioned, you each have to pay me five hundred dollars. "  
  
She raised her eyes and was met by identical violet and blue eyes. Usagi nodded decisively, not giving Duo any chance to protest or agree.  
  
"I completely agree. I don't like the baka that way at all."  
  
"What she said," the man said, jerking his head at his one time girlfriend. "Ja, minna."  
  
And then he was gone.  
  
Usagi smiled triumphantly. "Step one to winning: get a new boyfriend!" The blonde swooped her purse up and exited the arcade.  
  
Motoki came over to the smiling senshi and glanced down at the very satisfied looking Ami. Setsuna smiled serenely at him, and then beamed happy thoughts at Ami.  
  
"What did you do? Usagi just shot out of here laughing like a madwoman, and Duo left looking like either a very pissed off man, or a very determined one."  
  
"Oh, it wasn't much. I simply studied their body language and inferred that this big breakup is nothing more than a sham. Also, I learned from Usagi's voice and stance that she loved nothing more than a good challenge. Judging by her own words, she would get back with Duo in two week's time. So I issued a challenge. If they can stay apart for five months, I will be surprised."  
  
Motoki was silent for a few seconds, and then he nodded. "Sounds good to me. But you said that to her and then let her get into her car?"  
  
*  
  
Usagi screamed a loud string of scorching words at her latest victim, which happened to be a small, weak, pathetic driver trying to get around in the inferior Ferrari. Her Jeep was the God of Cars, and Usagi liked to make sure that everyone knew that. The businessman inside the chosen car apparently used to think that because his cost a lot of money, it was automatically better than her own Jeep.  
  
So she had shown him differently.  
  
God Almighty, she was having such a bad day that it wasn't even funny. Everyone was all grown up and successful, and what did she do? She was a mechanic. A good, rich mechanic, but a mechanic all the same. She was nothing compared to Rei and the others.  
  
Ami had moved away and gone to medical school when she was eighteen. Going through her courses with flying colors, she had immediately landed a top position at a hospital in California, or some place like that. She had never gotten married, but was currently seeing a nice young man who had a stamp collection. Usagi had a belief that you could tell people's personalities from their collections. Stamps for instance. Not a good sign.  
  
Rei had become a professional singer. Unfortunately, she dealt with pop so Usagi had bought her CD before actually listening to the songs. Needless to say, she had a wonderful time learning the lyrics to all of her friend's songs. It had amused her to no end when Duo had sung "Starry Night" at a bar late one night. The bartender had been very grateful for his hand in clearing out the bar in record time.  
  
Makoto was now a chef in the most prestigious restaurant in Europe. Her restaurant, the Jupiter, was one in a chain of establishments scattered across the world. She only had ten restaurants all together; one for each of the planets, including the moon. Jupiter was by far the most famous, because she herself cooked there.  
  
Minako quickly rose to the rank of superstar, to no one's surprise. Featured on the cover of almost every major magazine at one point or another, she was enjoying the attention and the rich lifestyle that came along with being famous and beautiful. Her every move or movie was tracked by the press, and unlike the other stars, she absolutely adored the attention.  
  
Michiru was still playing her violin, but was now raking in money and being called the first female composer that kids in the future will learn about in Music Appreciation. Not only was she a composer/performer, she was an artist too. The woman did marvelous paintings of the ocean, each with eerie lifelike qualities for each. Perhaps her most famous was of a simple beach scene, but the simplicity of it seemed to call to the souls. It was said that if you listened closely enough, you could hear the shells singing. It was also said that if you stared at the waves long enough, you could discern the face of a woman, looking up smilingly at the sky. But rumors are only rumors, right?  
  
Haruka was still racing, and scaring Michiru half to death with her close encounters with certain disaster. Once, when Michiru actually forbade the woman to race cars any more, Haruka ran away. Their relationship hung on the brink of disaster, but then they had eventually come to terms. The Senshi of the Wind still enjoyed playing piano to Michiru's violin, but her forte was, and always will be racing.  
  
Setsuna and Hotaru had stayed with her in Tokyo, living in a large house together. Usagi hated to go in there, because it seemed like the house was always crying out for the other two Outers to come back and fill the rooms back up. Setsuna was a major fashion designer, and enjoyed making Usagi and Hotaru model her things. She had actually once forced Duo into one of her creations, and then fell in love with making men's clothes. The female fashion world suffered for a while until Setsuna snapped back to the dying female fashion with a gusto that put the other designers to shame. Hotaru was plodding through her last year of high school, and was showing signs of being a very shrewd decision maker. She was showing the signs of what it took to be a business woman.  
  
And here Usagi was, a mechanic. For the first time in five years a hollow pit lodged itself inside her belly. A mechanic. A mechanic, next to all of her friends. Oh, didn't that sound just wonderful. She thought very hard about her job, the people that worked there, and how dirty she got while working beneath trucks. An impish grin came to her face, and she slammed on the gas.  
  
She loved her job.  
  
Roaring down the street at 75 mph, Usagi Tsukino was certainly a sight for sore eyes. Ah, if only a mirror were handy, she thought with a tiny laugh. Now, where was that damn flower shop again? Wasn't it on 5th? Or was it on 15th?  
  
As she passed 5th, she realized that she could see the sign hanging over the sidewalk. Spinning the wheel for a sharp turn, she almost ran over the man she was coming to see. Usagi shrieked and slammed on her brakes, causing more swearing behind her. Sticking her head out of her car, she waved merrily at the smirking man.  
  
"Yohji-kun! I need to talk to you!"  
  
"About what?" he shouted back.  
  
"Revenge!" she yelled, savoring the taste of the word.  
  
A semi-shocked look graced his face, and he turned back around and headed back towards the flower shop. He seemed to see something and cringe. Casting a pleading look at Usagi, he leaned nonchalantly against the wall and looked disinterested in his surroundings.  
  
Usagi laughed at his antics and parked her car. She jogged across the street, once again paying no mind to the traffic. It wasn't like she was going to stay dead if they killed her. Yohji walked over to her, and met her at the curb.  
  
"What do you mean, revenge?"  
  
She smiled prettily. "Well, Yohji-kun, I happen to know that Duo is taking Saori to one of Quat-kun's fancy dinner parties. I know you want to get her back, so I thought this might be an excellent opportunity."  
  
He arched an eyebrow. "Is that so? And here I thought you were using your breakup as an excuse to go out with me," he said with a wicked grin.  
  
"Who says I'm not? I'm thinking this works on three different levels. You get Saori, I get Duo, AND I get to date you."  
  
"Make that four levels, my dear Usagi," Yohji decided after giving his new "girlfriend" an appraising look. "Now, just to warn you, Duo and Saori are standing in there right now, deciding what flowers they should wear. It's taking them forever. God save me," he said raising his eyes to the clouds.  
  
Usagi smacked his arm. "God wouldn't help you if you had him at knifepoint. Look down. He might help you, Yohji-kun. Now. Shall we give them a show?"  
  
His smirk grew to match hers. "We shall."  
  
Usagi slipped her arm around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. Yohji put his arm around her shoulder, and Usagi couldn't help but smile. Maybe getting revenge on Duo would be fun! Interesting, even. If she was lucky.  
  
They walked into the flower shop, immediately halting all conversations. Including, Usagi saw with satisfaction, Duo and Saori's. Usagi gently tugged Yohji over to the counter and studied the flowers for a second. She gave Yohji a glance, and then visualized herself. With a tiny nod, she began picking out the flowers.  
  
"Ohayo, Omi-kun! Okay, I want one blood rose, and one of your black roses."  
  
Omi swallowed carefully. "Usa-chan, I'm afraid we don't have any more black roses. Someone bought them all yesterday."  
  
She fixed him with a cold stare. Feeling Yohji move uncomfortably beside her, she intensified her stare, until Omi finally cracked. "He's picking up the order later today. I'll give you one, and I'll just give him your name and tell him that you paid me extra for it. Okay?"  
  
Usagi nodded and looked up at Yohji with a smile. "See? Everything will be just dandy."  
  
"Why do you want a black rose and a red one? Duo and Saori are matching," he added, waiting for any effect.  
  
"At this point in time I don't give a damn about what they're doing. I'm picking a black rose for me, because my dress is red. You'll be wearing a tuxedo, which is why you have a red rose. We'll stand out, I can make sure of that."  
  
"More then Duo and Saori? They both look pretty sharp in dressy stuff."  
  
"I'm positive. Duo can play the Make 'Em Drool game pretty damn well, but I'm better. Thanks, Omi-kun!" she said, flashing her pearly whites.  
  
Usagi glanced over at Duo and Saori, who were ignoring them. Well, Duo was ignoring them. Saori kept glancing over, trying to catch a glimpse of what Usagi and Yohji were doing. An evil smile leapt to her face, and she went up on tiptoes to Yohji's ear.  
  
"Want to give them a real something to see?"  
  
"What are you thinking?"  
  
"Oh, just a simple kiss. One that will turn her green if it works right. Only a light one that looks like a promise of more to come, alright?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "You do this a lot, don't you?"  
  
"I hypothesize. I've never actually gone through on getting another boyfriend as revenge. Okay. Here we go."  
  
So right in the middle of the flower shop, under the amazed eyes of Omi and under the shocked expressions of Duo and Saori, Usagi pulled Yohji down for a tiny, butterfly light kiss.  
  
"You'll look great," she told him a trifle loudly.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
They linked hands and walked out the door. Once they were sure that neither Duo nor Saori could see them anymore, Yohji smiled at her.  
  
"They were positively green with envy, m' dear."  
  
Usagi threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, that was wonderful! Did you see Saori's face? I thought she was a monster there for a moment, she was so green! This is more fun than I thought!"  
  
Yohji smiled down at the vivacious blonde that had stormed into his life demanding revenge. "Know what else was rather enjoyable?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"The kiss itself."  
  
Usagi stared at him in surprise, and then laughed even harder. "Yohji, we are the spawn of the Devil, now I'm sure! To be enjoying the revenge we're getting! We're going to Hell," she informed in solemnly.  
  
"If this is how I get there, will you let me fly first class?"  
  
What could she do besides laugh? Nothing, of course. So she laughed.  
  
*  
  
Duo placed his money on the counter with shaking hands. So. She was planning on playing this game in the major leagues. That had been a pretty dirty trick, he thought angrily. Still, he couldn't help but being admiring at the same time. Not many people would kiss another man just for revenge.  
  
"They looked too happy, Duo-kun! Too perfect!" Saori said worriedly, for the thousandth time.  
  
HE KNEW, he wanted to shout at her. And they looked perfect together because Usagi made everyone look good. There was just a glimmer to her that rubbed off on others. And, unfortunately, Yohji had that glitter too.  
  
A horrible thought made his stomach lurch, as Saori voiced her doubts to him again. What if Usagi wasn't just doing it for pretend? What if she was doing it because she really liked Yohji? That kiss hadn't looked stiff at all. It had looked like they had done it time and time before.  
  
And maybe they had. Usagi had been coming down to the flower shop every day by the time he broke up with her. He should have known by the way things were going that this time would be different. Her friends had come back in town. He should have remembered that. That Ami woman had screwed everything up! And now that Usagi had a bet in her mind, she wouldn't back down until she won, fair and square.  
  
But Usagi and Yohji! The kiss! He wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry. He should have known that a woman like Usagi wouldn't hesitate to move on to the next guy. It had been stupid of him to believe that she'd stay single until Christmas.  
  
"Duo?" Saori asked softly. "Are you alright?"  
  
Carefully burying the fact that Usagi had looked just like that when she was worried, he ginned at her. Yes, there were good things about this bet, too. Saori being one of them. He nodded reassurance and took her hand.  
  
They exited in the same way that Usagi and Yohji had left before them. Omi shook his head at the game the four were beginning and went to his calendar.  
  
Five months.  
  
Omi smiled, albeit unwillingly, thinking about Usagi and Duo. The two never stopped providing Jubaan with entertainment. First it was the breakups, and now the challenge.  
  
His eyes went to the window thoughtfully. The harsh August sun beat down on the town, baking the streets with waves of heat and making the air shimmer. Omi tried to imagine snow falling on the same street five months from now, and found he couldn't.  
  
The man circled Christmas Eve with a dark red marker. Time would tell how messy *this* Christmas would be. 


	2. The Harmless and the Not So Harmless

The Cupid 500  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What are we going to do?" Minako asked excitedly.  
  
Usagi glanced at her blonde companion and smiled evilly. With Usagi's haircut, the two girls looked just alike. It had been hard, but Usagi had finally convinced Minako to let her hair down, and let her borrow her red ribbon. Looking at the two girls, you would think that Minako was Usagi and vice versa.  
  
This of course, was what Usagi planned.  
  
"I'm going to play a little prank on Duo tonight, Mina-chan. That's all. But here's what I want you to do. Take these paints and paint black over all of Duo's windows. Then I want you to just do random things to the house. Only to his things, though. I've given you a complete inventory of his things, so you won't destroy something of Hiiro's. That would be bad. Okay?"  
  
Minako bobbed her head up and down. She absolutely adored pranks. "Hai! Good luck! Ano, Usa-chan? What are you doing with that bad of Mako-chan's clothes?"  
  
A wicked giggle escaped her mouth. "You'll see," she said laughing.  
  
Usagi fished her key out of her pocket and slid it into the lock. Luckily for her, he hadn't thought to change the locks on all of them. Slipping into Duo's house, she closed the door behind her and tiptoed through the dark to his room. She let herself into his room and shook her head at Duo, who lay on his side on the left of the bed. Unbidden, a memory of her resting her head nestled under his chin rose to her mind. Batting it away, she crept into the closet and did what she came to do.  
  
Using all of the stealth techniques that Trowa had taught her, she fixed Quatre and Wufei's rooms. Padding down the hall, she came to a stop in front of Trowa's door. He would be the hard one. Trowa and Hiiro. They'd wake up, and she'd actually have to convince them of her idea. Luckily she was a friend of the two.  
  
She opened the door and was instantly placed at gun point. Usagi smiled and pushed the gun away. "Konichiwa, Tro-kun. You okay?"  
  
Trowa stared at her and put his gun back under his pillow. ".."  
  
"I'm here because I want to get revenge on Duo. I just need to take all of your clothes. Just come over to my house tomorrow morning, and I'll give you something to wear. But if I leave clothes here, Duo will be able to get them, and I don't want that. Okay?"  
  
".."  
  
"Yes, I know it's a cruel and unusual punishment. But did you hear how he broke up with me?"  
  
".."  
  
"No? It was bad. Will you be a good brother and let me do what I have to do?"  
  
Trowa grunted and went back to his bed. Usagi snickered. She was having more fun as an adult than she ever had as a teenager. Her teenage years were filled up with too much fighting to even breathe, she reflected as she emptied Trowa's closet. Whispering a thank you to him as she exited, she proceeded down to Hiiro's room.  
  
She didn't even stop to think, but walked right into the room. Hiiro didn't move from his bed. Almost worried that he had died of a heart attack or something, she studied him. Ah-ha! His chest was moving, and he wasn't asleep.  
  
"Konichiwa, Hii-kun."  
  
"Hnn."  
  
Usagi rolled her eyes and walked over to his closet. She opened the top drawer and raised a pair of his boxers up high. A smile danced across her lips and she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"South Park?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"Hnn."  
  
Stifling a laugh, she stuffed his boxers (SpongeBob too, she saw) and all of his other clothes into her bag along with the other four men's clothes. Bowing a thanks to Hiiro, she ran out of the room with a sadistic smile on her face. With what she was doing put together with what Minako was doing, Usagi was certain that Duo would blow up.  
  
Outside, she discovered that she could not see Minako at all. She frowned, until a tiny fragment of a badly hummed melody floated to her ears. Suppressing a laugh, she followed the sound until she came across Minako kneeling on the ground happily painting flowers, hearts, bunnies, and rainbows on Duo's car. She had written things like "I love bunnies" and "Rainbows are symbols of peace" on the sides, along with big yellow smiley faces.  
  
"Great job, Minako-chan!"  
  
Minako looked up and smiled innocently. "What do you mean? I just thought it would look prettier like this," the blonde explained.  
  
Usagi coughed and hauled her twin to her feet. "Come on! Let's run over to my house and celebrate!"  
  
Minako considered, and then nodded. "Saa!"  
  
Giggling evilly to themselves, the two girls snuck down the street towards Usagi's parked Jeep. Duo was going to get it! After all, Usagi had some pent up anger than needed to be released soon anyways, or there would be some unfortunate deaths soon. Oh well. It was lucky for her that this at least gave her a chance to date Yohji. Hah! Lucky her.  
  
She and Minako roared back to her small house/studio. Spontaneously deciding to rent some horror movies and order in some pizza, the blondes made for her house with all possible speed. Chatting about what they had done with their lives, they discovered that Destiny had grabbed them and flung them in totally opposite directions. Minako was scandalized when she found out that Usagi spent her days crawling around under cars, and Usagi was positively delighted when her friend confessed that she had the reputation of being Hollywood's "Bad Girl". How she got that name, she had no idea, but her managers never let her wear anything besides black anymore, if they had anything to say about it.  
  
They picked up the pizza, made the drive-through boy blush, got their movies, and sped home at about twenty miles over the speed limit. Not that Usagi gave a damn; she could always bribe a cop into "overlooking" her "accident". So, narrowly missing several other drivers, Minako and Usagi got to the shack that Usagi liked to call home.  
  
Despite Usagi's belief, her house wasn't really in all that bad of shape. It was cute. That was the way to put it. Her studio/house was two story and had a ramshackle balcony hanging at a precarious slant off of the front. Below that was the front porch with several burns and a hanging swing. Her house was made of hundred year old bricks. It had been expensive to buy, but in the end it had been worth it to get away from her parents, who still seemed to think that she was fourteen.  
  
As Usagi shoved her new key into the lock, she wondered with a snicker what her father would have said if he had known she had gone out with Duo at one point. THEN she wondered what he would say if he knew she was Sailor Moon. He'd probably have a heart attack and then have a fit about her short skirt. Deciding that it really didn't matter (since he was NOT going to find out either one of these truths) she dragged Minako into her slightly cluttered house and locked the door behind her.  
  
She smiled hugely at her friend and swept her arm in a wide semi-circle. "Well, Mina-chan? What do you think?"  
  
Minako clasped her hands under her chin and went starry eyed. Gazing around at the living room to the left, and the kitchen to the right, she sighed in wonder. The living room was a small room with large windows, a big screen TV, a long couch, and a recliner. A coffee table sitting between the TV and the couch and chair was littered with papers, pencils, and all sorts of spectacular doodles. Minako didn't say a word and just rushed to the kitchen.  
  
The kitchen was just as wonderful as the living room. It also had several large windows and a bright, cheery atmosphere. A sink was located directly under a window, looking right into the street. Pots and pans were hung on a rack across the far wall. Minako was overcome by the tidiness and cheerfulness of the place that should have looked like a war zone.  
  
Running out of the kitchen and further down the hall, she came to a closed door. Usagi grabbed the doorknob before Minako could enter, however. Usagi shook her head and grinned.  
  
"This is the tech room," she announced as she swung the door open.  
  
Minako's mouth dropped open.  
  
Before her was a computer glowing with a soft light. Scattered around the screen were post-it notes and CDs. Binders and pens were strewn across the floor. Huge machines with millions of wires attached to it were lined up against the walls, and a pair of headphones lay dormant on a hook.  
  
"You did all this?"  
  
Usagi nodded. "Hai. I got Hii-kun to come over and help me set this all up. The store's sound systems and computers were pissing me off, so I just bought one, took it apart, and made Hiiro help me make a new one. This connects to every room in my house. I can make it play whatever I want for an alarm, or it can remind me about things when my trusty post-it notes fail, and it can do all sorts of other things! But anyways. Shall we continue?"  
  
With another awed look at the disappearing room behind them, Usagi yanked Minako up the steep, narrow stairs. Once upstairs, Usagi pointed down one side of the hall.  
  
"That's where the big bathroom is. And that," she said pointing down the other way, "is my room."  
  
Before Usagi could protest, Minako was opening the door to her room and walking in. At Minako's startled intake of breath, the bunny zoomed into the room behind her and gasped in dismay.  
  
Duo's dirty clothes were all over the floor, intermingled with her own. Her bed was still rumpled from the night before (Crazy: keep your dirty minds out of this, ppl!), and the smell of Duo's cologne was still hanging in the air. Minako turned to her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.  
  
"You hated Duo, Usa-chan? It hardly looks like it. Rumpled sheets? You must have been busy last night."  
  
Usagi scowled. "It's not like that! Duo and I lived together! Frankly, I don't see how I could possibly have the energy to have sex with him every night," she added with an impish grin.  
  
Minako flushed a light pink and hurriedly backed out of the room. Laughing to herself, she led Minako back downstairs so they could watch their collection of movies, which included The Shining, The Exorcist, Psycho, and several other highly terrifying movies.  
  
The two did not close their eyes that night.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Doodoo, doodoo, good morning!" the speakers sang out.  
  
Usagi tugged the blanket tighter about herself and glared at the speaker hanging from her ceiling. "Baka speaker," she muttered.  
  
"Usa? Is it light out yet?"  
  
Usagi nodded the affirmative, remembered that Minako couldn't see her from under the blanket, and replied verbally. "Hai, it's daytime! Monsters are all gone! They should be coming soon," she said thoughtfully.  
  
Sure enough, there was soon a knock on her door. Usagi cackled evilly and raced to her tech room, Minako hot on her heels. Quatre's blonde head was looking from side to side nervously, obviously terrified that someone was going to see him. He had sneakers on, and had a sheet wrapped around his shoulders superman style. He rang again.  
  
Minako's mouth formed into small 'o'. "Usagi-chan," she said finally, "he's kawaii."  
  
"Go answer the door then!"  
  
Usagi's blonde companion looked uncertainly down at her short orange shorts and white spaghetti shirt and then skeptically up at Usagi, who have her a thumbs-up.  
  
"Knock 'im dead, Mina-chan!"  
  
Letting a tiny giggle escape her mouth, the hyperactive blonde bounced over to the door and threw the door open. The boxer wearing boy with a cape took a step back, guiltily taking in the blonde standing before him.  
  
"Usa-chan?" he asked uncertainly.  
  
"Nope!" Minako said cheerfully. "Usagi-chan is inside in her lair, probably cackling evilly at poor Duo's predicament. I," she announced regally, "am the Goddess of Love and Beauty, Minako Anio!" she smiled, flashing him the victory sign.  
  
Quatre was already nodding, realizing that this couldn't be a lie. She certainly looked like the Goddess of Beauty and Love, he thought with a furious blush. He opened his mouth to say something when Usagi popped her head through the open door.  
  
"Come in, come in! Duo might get here soon!"  
  
"You're not planning on giving him his clothes back?" Quatre asked in shock.  
  
Usagi looked at him like he had grown another head. "Absolutely not! We're in the middle of a break up! We couldn't simply GIVE HIM HIS CLOTHES BACK!"  
  
"I completely agree," Wufei said pushing past the three into Usagi's house. "I say that you should kidnap him, tie him to a block of ice and whip him three hundred times."  
  
Everyone stared at Wufei as he continued to not look at them, pulled up his boxers a bit, sat down on the couch, grabbed the TV remote, and began flipping through the channels. Minako blinked.  
  
"Does he do this a lot?" she asked.  
  
Usagi nodded, not at all disturbed. "Hai. Whenever he's pissed he comes over here, helps himself to some Wheaties, and starts watching TV. Duo and I usually join him once we wake up."  
  
Wufei twisted around on the couch and raised an eyebrow, giving her the exact same look she was getting from Quatre and Minako. Usagi scratched the back of her head and smiled sheepishly.  
  
"We used to join him after we woke up," she amended.  
  
Everyone seemed satisfied with this and began talking again. The four were having a marvelous time making fun of Britney Spears in her music video "Slave 4 U" when the bell rang again.  
  
Usagi stared at the door and then almost stood up, but then was shoved back down onto the couch by an overenthusiastic Minako, who was already running for the "lair". Wufei, Quatre, and Usagi leaned backwards against the couch and stared down the walls, waiting for the other blonde to reappear. Sure enough, there was the sound of a door being flung open and then Minako's bare feet thumping quickly against the hardwood floors.  
  
Minako bolted towards the door, nearly ran into it, and flung the door open with a large welcoming smile on her face. Hiiro grunted and shoved her aside, while Trowa got a faint pink tinge on his cheeks as he followed silently in Hiiro's wake.  
  
She frowned and closed the door. How dare they ignore her!? Yes, she did have her eye on Quatre, but all the others were cute too, and it wasn't like she'd particularly mind snuggling up close to Wufei, Hiiro, or Trowa. Although Trowa's hair looked like it could get in the way of a kiss. His bangs looked lethal. Wufei looked like he'd rather shoot her than kiss her, and Quatre looked like he'd die of blood loss. So. Her best bet was Hiiro.  
  
With this decision made, she marched over to the couch were Hiiro was just sitting down and plopped down beside him. Usagi raised an eyebrow, already guessing Minako's motives. Well, Hiiro was in for a ride then, she thought with a smirk. And wouldn't Relena bitch about it? Ah, good times, good times.  
  
"So," Wufei asked finally, "when do we get our clothes back?"  
  
Usagi opened her mouth to respond, she felt Minako's pleading eyes bore into the back of her skull. Sighing to herself, she brought up a huge smile. It wasn't like she'd mind seeing them in their boxers for a while longer..  
  
"Gomen minna, demo I decided that they smelled bad so I put them in the washer. No, don't you dare, Hii-kun! My bras are in there too, and you're not touching them!"  
  
Grumbling to himself about baka onnas (and managing to sound remarkably like Wufei) he sank back into the couch seat and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He stared stoically at the dancing Ms. Spears for a minute and decided that she might not be the best thing to watch while you were sulking, and so transferred his attention to the two girls.  
  
Minako, as mentioned before, was not wearing an incredibly modest outfit, and Usagi wasn't attired much better. She wore long red silk pants and had a tight, tiny white halter top with a gold dragon winding across the chest area. She had stuffed her feet into fuzzy red slippers at the last minute, and was now curled up against Wufei's arm, much to his discomfort. The poor Chinese man could hardly keep himself from looking nervously around for Duo, who would no doubt be ready to impale him for "making moves on his girl". He finally remembered that Usagi and Duo had broken up, and grumbled to himself about Satan and temptation.  
  
Usagi, overhearing him, smiled to herself. When she had first broken up with Duo and they thought it was quits forever, she and Wufei had gotten together for a small amount of time. It had just been a fling, and they both knew that, but sometimes Usagi looked up at him and remembered why she had dated him (secretly) in the first place.  
  
That supremely irritating warm, fuzzy, glowy feeling imbedded itself into her stomach, and she groaned. Ugh. Either Yohji or Duo was coming close, and she knew sure as Hell that it wasn't Yohji.  
  
Sure enough, five seconds later there was a furious pounding on her door. "USAGI! OPEN UP! USAGI!"  
  
Usagi smiled to herself and zoomed up the stairs. Running down the upstairs hall and out onto the balcony, she rested her elbows against the rail and leaned over. Duo, realizing she was up there, backed up and glared at her. She smiled to herself. Damn he was fine. but he wasn't hers anymore. So. Think about Yohji, she coached herself. Amazingly enough, a picture of Yohji in his boxers came to her mind and she found that she quite enjoyed it.  
  
"Duo, darling! How simply marvelous that you could come and join us. Might I dare to comment on your beautiful Target boxers?"  
  
Duo clenched his fists. "Usagi, this isn't funny!"  
  
Usagi smiled again and nodded her head. "Quite the contrary, my dear. I find it quite amusing. I take it that you'd appreciate some clothing? Black pants, black T-shirt, black shoes; the usual?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Please," she commanded.  
  
"Just get me the damn clothes, Tsukino."  
  
Usagi laughed, a merry, twinkling sound. "Tsk, tsk, tsk Maxwell. It seems that you simply don't know how to treat a lady! Frankly, I'm ashamed of you. Fei-kun, could you grab me the clothes that are lying on my bed? Yes. Those." She flashed a big smile at Wufei, who had come to stand beside her and peer curiously down at the partially dressed Duo.  
  
Duo clenched his teeth when he saw Usagi and Wufei standing next to each other. It did NOT help the image when he saw that Wufei was in his boxers and Usagi was wearing her dragon pajamas. Contrary to their belief, he knew damn well that they had dated for a while. Back when Usagi had been a teary eyed, weak willed blonde schoolgirl. He knew, and he had been terrified all of his dating career with Usagi that when they broke up the next time she'd go to Wufei and never come back. But she never did go back to Wufei, and so his fears had been laid to rest. But there they were. But what had Usagi done with Yohji?  
  
God damn that woman, he said yet again in his mind. He heard another one of Usagi's laughs, and he looked up just in time to catch the clothes right in the face. Ripping them away so he could see them, his mouth dropped open.  
  
"You're joking," he said in shock.  
  
Usagi shook her blonde head, sending her hair flying all around her. Duo tore his eyes away and stared at his clothes for a while longer. She had thrown him Vans, some baggy blue jeans, a baggy green Billabong shirt, a white undershirt, and a light brown striped button up shirt. Usagi smiled cheerfully down at him.  
  
"I always thought that blue, green, white, and brown would be your colors," she said thoughtfully. "I never thought I'd have a chance to find out, but here you are! Try them on, dear!"  
  
He threw the clothes down. "No!"  
  
A perfectly waxed eyebrow lifted, and that impish smile quirked Usagi's lips. "Oh? Well I'm not giving your clothes back, and I have a wonderful collection of previous boyfriends' clothes that I can throw down to you every day. Somehow I don't think you'd appreciate that. Now get them on and leave, Duo."  
  
Realizing that girls passing through the neighborhood were staring appreciatively at him, he swallowed his pride and pulled on those awful clothes. Usagi and Minako, watching from a window, giggled when he left for his newly redone care with his hands deep in his pockets.  
  
"Usa-chan, I'd take him if I didn't know you still liked him," she murmured.  
  
"I don't still like him!" Usagi whispered back heatedly.  
  
Minako rolled her eyes. "Yeah. That's what they all say. Now who's this new boyfriend of yours?"  
  
A slow smile spread across Usagi's face, and she gave a tiny chuckle. "Ah. Yohji. Possibly the hottest guy on Earth. I'm helping him get revenge on Saori, and he's helping me get revenge on Duo. Of course, I'm also using him just to date him. He was my third choice after Duo and Wufei."  
  
Minako leaned down towards Usagi, pointedly ignoring the nervous stares of the three men in the room. "You dated Wufei!?"  
  
"Hai!"  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Is he a good kisser?"  
  
Usagi paused as if remembering. Then she burst out laughing, and began nodding in between peals of laughter. "Hai! Hai, he is! Go for it, Mina- chan! Unless you want Hii-kun?"  
  
Minako bit her lip, and then sighed. "I can't decide! Which do you think I should take?"  
  
Usagi snickered. "Well, I've never tried Hiiro before. From experience I'd tell you to take Wufei, but there's something about Hiiro that makes me think that he'd be a phenomenal kisser. Up in the A range somewhere."  
  
"A range?" Minako gasped. She snuck a look behind her at Hiiro's face, and then nodded, turning back to Usagi's window. "I completely agree with you. I'm going to go for the gold. So does Hiiro have a stalker currently?"  
  
Usagi shuddered. "Hai! Ever heard of Relena?"  
  
"You mean the Queen? She's stalking Hiiro? And he's refusing her?"  
  
The bunny nodded, and then let a crafty smile come to her lips. "See, they don't know I know, but I found out a very big piece about their pasts. For instance. All five were the Gundam pilots in the war. Duo, Quatre, Hiiro; all of them. Kinda ((sexy kinda)) crazy, hmm? The point is that Hiiro is the Perfect Soldier and has an unhealthy hatred of Relena."  
  
Minako nodded dreamily, and then jumped about five feet into the air when an ear-piercing wail filled the air. Hiiro, Wufei, and Quatre were on their' feet looking for an attacker, while Usagi's mouth hung open in soundless horror. Finally words came to her.  
  
"Oh, fuck!" she yelled as she sprinted towards her "lair".  
  
Minako managed to get inside seconds before she closed and locked the door behind them. Usagi threw herself at the swivel chair and spun around so that she was facing the computer. Her hands flew across the keyboard, eyes never leaving the screen. A map of Japan came up. She clicked on a city. Tokyo came up. There was a pulsating red dot in one corner of the map, and Usagi clicked on it. It showed a blown up version of Sakura Park, and Usagi swore.  
  
"What is it?" Minako hissed, angry at being ignored.  
  
Usagi cast an apologetic look at Minako, and then made a flicking motion with her hand. She was suddenly holding a winged broach in her hand. Minako's jaw dropped, and her anger deflated like air let out of a balloon.  
  
"We have to fight?"  
  
"We have to fight," Usagi confirmed. "I've had this computer monitoring the space around Earth for several years now. I've pretty much destroyed everything that even looks like it's headed for Earth, but I guess something got by me this time. Moon Eternal Power!"  
  
With a short burst of light ESM was standing there, looking kind of surprised. Minako smiled in relief. At least she wasn't going to have to wait for three minutes for Usagi just to finish her damn transformation.  
  
"Venus Crystal Power!"  
  
Moon and Venus smiled at each other in satisfaction, closed their eyes, and were gone. When they opened their eyes again, they were standing in the middle of a park, and the roaring of a monster was filling their ears. A terrified scream shattered the air, and was joined by several others. Moon, panicking, had a sudden inspiration.  
  
"Wings of Speed and Strength!" she called out.  
  
There was a painful shredding sound, and Moon's pathetic wings extended, muscled out, and grew actual feathers. She gasped in pain, but bit her lip hard to keep from crying out loud. Moon gave her wings an experimental flap and almost blew the clapping Venus off her feet.  
  
"Gomen V-babe," she said flashing a victory sign.  
  
Venus grabbed a hold of Moon's arm and laughed weakly. "No problem. Now lets go!"  
  
Moon wrapped her arms under Venus' shoulders and took off with one powerful flap of her wings. They flew at breakneck speed towards the direction of the screams, and finally found the youma. It was in the form of a man sitting placidly on a park bench eating an ice cream cone. If it weren't for the fact that he was glowing, there were still people lying all around his feet, and that he had badly concealed horns, they wouldn't have guessed.  
  
Deciding that speeches were worth crap, Venus raised a hand and made a tiny motion, consisting of a tiny flicker of the fingers and a small glowing dot in front of her hands. "Double Crush!"  
  
Her new attack took all of about a half of a second. The small glowing dot became a small glowing heart and zipped towards the man. It hit him full on the chest and he immediately collapsed. He struggled to get up for a second, and then laid still. Moon and Venus cautiously walked up to him.  
  
"You didn't announce yourselves."  
  
"It's a waste of time," Moon announced. She lifted her hand and pointed it at the youma's back. "Now tell us who sent you and what you want with Earth."  
  
He chuckled. "Ah. Little Sailor Moon. A pleasure to finally meet you. I'm sure you'd love to know the answers to all those questions, but I'm afraid I'm under strict orders not to tell you who I am, where I'm from, who I work for, or what our motives are. That's simply against policy. I would, however, love to fight or kill you. Shall we dance, Venus? I used to love dancing with the pretty princesses," he said with a vicious snarl.  
  
His body exploded with a bright, sickly yellow light, and he stood up. Fangs slid from his teeth and two still bleeding puncture marks appeared on his neck. The color drained from his face, leaving only black eyes, black hair, and blood red lips. His fingers became reminiscent of claws, and gargoyle like wings sprouted from his back.  
  
"And now I'll bet you're wondering what the hell I am. Well, I'll tell you. I'm a type of demon that feeds off of joy, laughter, and the screams of those in pain. That makes me a very strong demon, Miss Venus. Do you think you can dance with me?"  
  
Venus' eyes narrowed. "I did think you were kind of kawaii while you looked human, but now you're kind of creepy looking. Not to mention that you need a breath mint. But still, even though I don't want to dance, I'd love to join in your little game. Venus," she cried bringing her hand back like a pitcher ready to throw a big ball of energy crackling in her palm, "Gun!" she shouted, throwing it at him.  
  
"Missed me," he taunted.  
  
"Twilight Cannon!"  
  
Moon stared angrily down at the scorched section of the sidewalk that was the only reminder of him and scuffed her boot on it. "Hai, she missed. But I didn't," she said irately. "Come on V-babe, we should probably go tell the others about this."  
  
Venus rolled her eyes. "Gee, you think? Golly, where'd that bright idea come from?"  
  
Moon punched her lightly on the arm and dragged her into the air. "I'll drop you if you say something like that again."  
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"Watch me!" Moon laughed as she let go of Venus' arms.  
  
The blonde senshi fell through the air, screaming at the top of her lungs. Laughing, Moon swooped down and caught her before Venus even got close to the ground. Venus clung to Moon like a burr, until she thought about something.  
  
"Oi, Sere-chan? Where'd we get those new attacks? I had two of them! They just came out of the blue. Double Crush and Venus Gun. Hmm. And you had tat Twilight Cannon! Where the hell 'd that come from?"  
  
Moon shrugged, uncomfortable. "I don't know. The Gizuinshou (sp!!!!) wanted me to use something called the Triple Beam on him, but I somehow got the feeling that it was really destructive."  
  
Venus nodded to herself, already going off on another tangent that Moon wasn't even listening to. The part that she neglected to mention was that after she refused to use the Triple Beam, the Gizuinshou had felt disappointed. Put off. Cheated of a good time. So either she was really going crazy, or her crystal was developing a sick, horrible taste of what to do to enemies.  
  
Moon landed at the Sendai Temple and took her locket off, changing back into Usagi with a burst of dark blue light. Venus raised an eyebrow at the color, but changed back into Minako and followed Usagi into the shrine where Ami, Rei, Makoto, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru already were. Usagi had called a meeting on their long flight over, so that she'd be saved the time of having to wait for them to get there. Rei met them at the door and ushered them into the Great Fire room.  
  
Upon seeing the room, Usagi's belly began doing unpleasant acrobatics, obviously protesting against the wave of teenage memories that came swarming back to haunt her. Minako, sensing her friend's discomfort, shoved her into a sitting position and plopped down next to her.  
  
"I'm Sailor Venus and I have two new attacks, both of which I used on a youma who Moon here dusted with a single attack. Directly following these happenings we talking about it, and Usagi confessed that the Gizuinshou wanted her to use an attack called Triple Beam which is a much more destructive attack than the Twilight Cannon, which is what she used to dust the bakemono. She also stole Duo's clothes and made him wear colorful clothes," she announced.  
  
Rei coughed slightly, but Hotaru burst out laughing. "I was wondering who it was that kept on pacing outside of my door! Duo was standing there all day! I didn't even recognize him! Looking back, the colors actually DID look good on him. Where'd you get the idea, Usa-chan?"  
  
"CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE ENEMY?" Rei shouted. "Good. Usagi, I want you to put you hands out, palms facing the fire. Okay? Okay. Good. Now close your eyes, and envision the youma you saw today."  
  
Usagi shut her eyes as told and was suddenly seeing a surprisingly vivid picture of something else entirely. Rei rocked backwards with the force of the vision Usagi was being presented with. She tried to pull herself out, but it seemed liked she was locked in place.  
  
"You came here," a cold voice sneered in her mind, "so stick around and see what your dear princess is going to see too."  
  
Helpless against the power of the picture, Usagi quit struggling and watched as she saw herself come onto the picture. She was wearing her crown, yes. But she was not wearing her usual ivory princess dress. She was wearing a replica of her princess dress, but it was gray with gold symbols across the chest. Instead of the fancy Empire waistline tied with pearls, a small gold bow was tied under her chest, letting the gray folds of the dress fall freely from that. Her hair was still done up in the two buns, but Usagi got the feeling that this was not important--- that SHE was not important. Her first reaction to THAT was "Fuck this!", but something made her turn her head to the left of where Serenity was running down the sidewalk.  
  
There was a tiny little boy sitting there with a shadow on his wrist looking intently at her. He checked his watch, looked back up at the retreating Serenity, and shook his head. It wasn't time yet.  
  
The image blurred and then solidified, showing Usagi a clear view of her leaning down on her balcony rail with her arm outstretched, letting the clothes fall onto Duo's face. The boy was there again. His shadow was bigger, and this time when he checked his watch, he smiled. It was not the smile a little boy should have been smiling. It was the smile of a hungry, half-crazed animal out for blood. He disappeared, and then the image was destroyed.  
  
Usagi and Rei were hurtled back towards reality, and Usagi's eyes snapped open at the same time Rei's did. They both looked at each other, and then Usagi got up and walked out of the room without a sound. Worried, Minako jumped up and walked after her.  
  
Minako finally caught up to Usagi, who was shaking her head numbly. It couldn't be real, she told herself. None of it had happened. Slowly but surely she began to convince herself that the images had just been mind games of the enemies, made to trip her up and make her doubt herself. None of what the voice had said to her was true.  
  
"Usagi, what happened?" Minako asked for about the thousandth time.  
  
Usagi shook her head forcefully. "Nothing happened. The new enemy planted a goddamn picture in my head that was supposed to make me think that---ah, never mind. It's not important. We'll kill them just like we destroyed all the other ones."  
  
Minako's face said that she wasn't so sure, but she stayed silent. Something that looked a lot like desperation was in Usagi's eyes, and she really didn't want to make Sailor Moon into a crazed psychopath bent on the destruction of everyone that looked remotely like their new foe. It would just not be a good thing. No, Minako thought, warily edging away from her oblivious friend, not good at all.  
  
Usagi suddenly jolted to a complete stop, nearly making Minako run into her. Angry, Minako walked around to Usagi's side and prepared to ask her what was going on, when she saw what Usagi was staring at.  
  
"Aw, shit," Minako said in utter shock.  
  
That, Usagi thought witlessly, just about summed it up. 


	3. Suprises of Too Many Kinds

The Cupid 500  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
LAST TIME IN THE CUPID 500:  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi and Minako play a horrible prank on Duo, leaving him with a few presents. A youma pops out of the blue, and the two Senshi discover that the Ginzuinshou has a macabre sense of humor and that they have been provided with particularly destructive attacks. They go to Rei's temple, and Usagi sees something in the fire that she does not care for. Upon returning to Usagi's house, they see another something that they could have done without.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! GO!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"That," Minako said shakily, "can NOT be good."  
  
Usagi swallowed her horror and let that good time feeling (anger!!!) rise in her throat. "That no-good blood-sucking bastard! How dare he! How dare they? How---" Usagi screeched in frustration and marched towards the expensive motorcycle parked in front of her house.  
  
The man leaning against the cycle seemed to completely ignore the livid blonde's approach. He calmly lit a cigarette, pinched the match out and flicked it over his shoulder. Usagi walked right up to him and smacked him on the head.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here you bastard?" she roared.  
  
The man touched his head tenderly and then turned to face her. A smirk built its way onto his face, and he calmly blew the smoke into her face. Usagi snatched the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed it under her heel.  
  
"Answer me, dammit!"  
  
"Why Usako, I was expecting a warmer reception," Mamoru Chiba drawled.  
  
Usagi's fists clenched. What the hell was he doing out of jail? HE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT OF JAIL! Drug lords were supposed to serve a penance a little bit longer than three years! She had to admit that even after three years in prison, the man looked good. Damn good, she thought with a wince. But just because he happened to be a very handsome man didn't mean that he wasn't a jackass!  
  
"A warmer reception? HA! That's a laugh. Allow me to demonstrate: HAHAHAHAHA! Let me inform you of some of the things that I've decided while you were gone. You, Mamoru Chiba, are a complete and total mother fucking jackass. You're a bastard that likes to sit on his ass and fuck up the lives of hundreds of less than fortunate kids that come along! You're a crappy excuse for even a shitty boyfriend! I hate you," she announced.  
  
He raised an eyebrow and lit another cigarette. Usagi scowled at him and tore it from his mouth. "Will you cut that out? You're going to kill yourself!"  
  
Mamoru cast a significant look at Usagi's own pack of cigarettes and lit another. "Will you shut up?" he asked pleasantly.  
  
"What the hell are you doing out of prison?" she finally exploded.  
  
"Ah-ha! I thought you'd never ask, my dear. My punishment for "fucking up the lives of hundreds of kids" was being a test subject. Kind of like a lab rat, except held in a little lesser regard. All the doctors were aware that I was not a good man, and so did not hesitate to do their worst to me. At least they give a damn about what happens to rats."  
  
He sighed desolately and took another puff of his beloved cigarette. "As the story goes on in a more or less unentertaining manner, the good doctors decide that they want to implant a chip into my brain that will regulate good behavior. Think Spike, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know you never liked that show, dear, but it was just like that."  
  
Usagi nodded reluctantly, skeptically trying to decide whether he was telling the truth or not. If he was, it would mean that he would never do another bad thing in his entire life. He'd still be a jackass, and people would know it. But he'd never do anything to them. On the other hand, if he wasn't being honest, he'd gain her trust and then rape her or something. She wouldn't put it past him, that much was for sure.  
  
"I don't believe you," she declared.  
  
"I do!" Minako said cheerfully.  
  
Mamoru and Usagi both flinched, startled by Minako's sudden appearance. The nicer blonde of the two grinned at the identical looks on their faces. "Think Usa-chan. The Mamoru we knew would have you on the ground by now. And I can tell that he wants to punch you right now for not believing him. It's in the muscles in his hand and that creepy gleam in his eyes."  
  
"And you know this how?" Usagi demanded.  
  
Minako sniffed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'm an actress," she said importantly. "I know these things. I have to be able to copy emotions and pre-actions perfectly. If I don't, I'm worth crap. Now how about we go inside and have a Pepsi or something? Oi, Usa! Is Hiiro still here?"  
  
Usagi glanced warily at Mamoru and then inched inside. She still didn't trust Mamoru. And she didn't know whether he had realized by know that she wasn't his Usako anymore. So it was best to tread softly until she had a chance to introduce him to Yohji. Speaking of Yohji, where was he?  
  
She directed her attention to the four heads of recognizable hair that were sitting on the couch. Usagi walked over to them and rapped her knuckles on Hiiro's head. He swore loudly and pulled out his gun, placing her at gunpoint again.  
  
"Konichiwa, Hii-kun! Where do you hide that gun? I mean, it can't go in your boxers. That would be kind of noticeable."  
  
Hiiro glared at her and turned back around to glare at the TV. Then he almost swore. What was it about Usagi pissing him off at the same time that damned Spears woman was on? His glare intensified, and he was pleased to discover that if he glared hard enough to squeeze his eyes somewhat, that Spears woman became a curvy blur. A curvy blur that made irritating noises, yes, but a blur nonetheless.  
  
"Quat-kun, have you heard from Yohji-kun today? Fei-kun? Tro-kun? Hii- kun? Any of you?"  
  
They all shook their heads the negative. Frowning, Usagi went off to her phone, intent on finding out where the hell her partner in crime was. Back in the living room, Mamoru and the four pilots were having a staring contest. A silently giggling Minako couldn't help but see the picture as the quintessence of unfixable hilarity.  
  
You had four kawaii men wearing their boxers and sitting next to each other on a couch staring at a fully clothed man who was lounging on the big red chair and returning their stares. Mamoru sunk further into the chair, finally deciding that he was comfortable. He frowned at the four men in their boxers, and then laughed.  
  
"I feel out of place," he announced, chuckling.  
  
After her brief conversation with Yohji via the cell phone, Usagi changed into a red halter topped sundress and pulled on her beige flip flops. She grabbed her woven reed beige purse, she charged downstairs and into the living room. Then she stopped and stared.  
  
Minako was sitting on the floor in her bra and underwear, laughing so hard that it looked like she was going to fall over. Quatre. Wufei, Hiiro, and Trowa didn't look any different, except that they were gathered around with Mamoru and Minako and that they were all holding cards. But it was Mamoru that was making her stare. She had left him in the living room fully clothed, but now he was sitting quite contently in his boxers, inspecting his cards.  
  
"What the hell?" she asked herself softly.  
  
Minako's head went up, and she laughed even harder at Usagi's expression. "Mamoru and I felt out of place among all this underwear," she explained.  
  
Usagi nodded like this explained everything and walked out the door. Shaking her head, she turned the key and backed cautiously out of the garage. Once she had assured herself that the coast was clear, she let out a whoop and slammed on the gas. The love of her life, her beloved Jeep, roared like a lion and jumped forwards.  
  
And that, of course, was the beauty of taking care of your own car. If you let anyone else touch it, it would immediately lose its' complete loyalty to you. It would lose some of its gusto, the charge that made it so that you were the only one that could successfully operate it. In addition to loyalty from your car, its performance level soared when you cared for it like a baby. And her Jeep was her baby. God save anyone who tried to even dent her car.  
  
She screeched to a dramatic halt in front of Yohji's flower shop and walked inside. She marched straight to the counter and propped her arms on the top. "Konichiwa, Omi-kun!" she called.  
  
The man jumped and turned around looking very sheepish. "Gomen Usagi-san, I didn't hear you come in."  
  
She laughed. "That's alright. Now do you have the flowers for us?"  
  
Omi nodded. "Hai. Oh, and the man that you bought the black rose from is here right now. Would you like to speak to him? Yes? Alright, I'll go get him."  
  
"No need, Omi-san. I'm right here. My, my Sere-chan. Haven't you grown up."  
  
Usagi's mouth had dropped open when he walked into the room. What was with all these gorgeous men waltzing into her life now that she had broken up with Duo? It wasn't fair!-she cried to herself. But it was nice to see old acquaintances.  
  
"Konichiwa, Di-kun. How have you been? Haven't seen you in, oh, say, eight years? God, that makes me feel old!"  
  
Diamond shrugged. "Well, age has certainly not hindered your beauty in any way, Princess."  
  
Usagi laughed uncomfortably. Goddamn all men that talked! Goddamn them to Hell! "Ah, thanks Di-kun. Omi-kun," she said a bit desperately, "where's Yohji-kun?"  
  
"Right here, Usa-chan. Who's this?"  
  
Her nerves already frayed, she jumped about three feet into the air when she heard his voice right behind her. "Dammit, Yohji! Don't do that!"  
  
The playboy raised an eyebrow, and then smiled indulgently. "Of course, tenshi. Are you getting the flowers from Omi-kun?"  
  
Usagi massaged her temples. "Hai, hai. Omi-kun, please?"  
  
Trying to ignore the desperate curiosity that was needling his head, he handed the two flowers over to the panicking Usagi, who snatched them out of his hands and rushed out the door. Looking mildly curious himself, Yohji sauntered after her with his hands in his pockets. Omi cleared his throat and looked over at the silver haired man who was still staring out the way Usagi had left.  
  
"Mr., umm, Diamond? Would you like her number and address so you can collect payment for the flower?"  
  
The man turned his unnaturally bright purple eyes on Omi and then plucked the slip of paper from his fingers. "Hai. Agriato. Please give me the rest of the flowers, please."  
  
"If you don't mind me asking," Omi ventured, "how do you know Usagi-san?"  
  
Diamond shrugged again and took the bouquet of black roses. "I kidnapped her when she was fourteen and tried to kill her daughter. Then I saved her life, so she owes me big time," he said nonchalantly.  
  
He swept out the door, leaving poor Omi to wonder how the hell he seemed to meet all the crazy people in life, not excluding Miss Usagi "Let's Get Revenge On My Last Boyfriend" Tsukino.  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
"We've got make a plan of attack for the dinner tonight," she announced as they walked through the park.  
  
Yohji shrugged. "I say that you're giving Duo more fun than he deserves."  
  
Usagi glanced up at him. "Nani?"  
  
"Just what I said. By reacting like this, you're at least letting him know that you give a damn that he broke up with you. Now, this is my idea. I say we completely ignore Saori and Duo, and just have fun tonight."  
  
"Ignore them?" Usagi asked in shock.  
  
Yohji nodded. "Yep. Ignore them. Let's tell them that we don't give a damn about them. It'll be fun," he added to erase Usagi's skeptical look.  
  
Usagi exhaled and blew her bangs from her face. "I don't know. Duo's pretty vicious in his revenge."  
  
He grabbed her arms and steered her towards a park bench. Yohji pushed her down and took her hands. "Listen up, Sagi-chan. Every other time you've kept this revenge going until you got back together, ne?"  
  
"Hai," she said, beginning to see where he was going with this.  
  
"Well, if this time you cut the revenge off and you two haven't gotten back together, that would mean something, ne?"  
  
Usagi gasped, and then a perfectly evil smile curved her lips. "Hai! Oh this will be perfectly diabolical! Agriato Yohji-kun!"  
  
She gave him a firm kiss that left him partly dazed, and then hauled him to his feet. The two twined their fingers together and Usagi rested her head on his shoulder again. It really would have been a beautiful picture, except for that Usagi and/or Yohji would cackle evilly from time to time.  
  
"So, Yohji. When shall we crash this little dinner party of Quat-kun's? I think we should be on time for once. You know, to make a good impression. It would be fun to see if we could pull of pretending to be a very, umm, well, you know," Usagi stopped, trying to figure out exactly what she was trying to say.  
  
"Rich? Snobby? Well bred?" Yohji supplied.  
  
"Hai," Usagi said with a laugh, "I'll be able to do it perfectly well. You on the other hand, my dear.."  
  
Yohji snorted. "You, my dear Usagi, are a perfectly wicked person. The day I see you behave is the day I kiss, um, Ami Mizuno!"  
  
An innocent smile played about her lips. So Ami wanted to play Matchmaker Major Leagues? Well than she wouldn't mind being matched at all. She's got to play by the rules, Usagi thought, a maniacal edge coming to her smile.  
  
"Accepted," she said softly.  
  
"Nani?" Yohji asked, snapping back to attention.  
  
"I'm accepting your bet. If I behave myself, you have to kiss Ami. If I don't behave myself, I'll, umm, go to a nunnery and join the sisterhood or whatever."  
  
Yohji stared at her. "You're kidding, right?"  
  
"Iie."  
  
"Eeehhh.alright. I'll do it. Where are we going?"  
  
Usagi smiled up at her "boyfriend". "We are going to Rei's house, then Makoto's house, then Michiru, Haruka, Setsuna, and Hotaru's house, then Ami's house, and then my house, where we're going to invite Minako to come to the dinner too."  
  
"Whew. All that walking? At my tender age?"  
  
Usagi shook her head, hair flying in all directions. "Iie! We're going to walk back to that flower shop---"  
  
"One day you're actually going to remember the name," he commented.  
  
"Shut up, Yohji-kun! Well, we're going to go back to that flower shop and get in my car."  
  
Yohji froze, leaving Usagi a few feet in front of him. Sighing to herself, she turned around with her hands on her hips. "What the hell's wrong with you?" she demanded.  
  
"Your car?" he asked tremulously.  
  
She folded her arms. "Yes, my car dammit! Now let's get going! The party starts at six PM sharp and if I'm going to make you kiss Ami-chan, I'll need to get there on time so I can behave! Walk! Walk!" She stopped, her jaw hanging open. "Run! Now!"  
  
Yohji looked at her, confused. "Nani?"  
  
Usagi ran towards him and shoved him into a bush. "STAY THERE YOU DUMB SHIT!" she roared.  
  
He sat down with a thud and watched her run in the other direction. He poked his head out of the bush and saw a man floating in mid air, laughing madly as Usagi went running towards him. There was a heated conversation, and then Usagi ran into the cover of the trees.  
  
Usagi swore loudly as she hid behind a tree. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, she pressed the all call button on her communicator. "Guys! Guys! Can you hear me? Come in, dammit! We've got another youma in Sakura Park! Maybe they just like this place or something, but damn! This is the second one here today! Get your lazy asses over here and help me fight, dammit! Shit!"  
  
She threw herself out of the way as a blast of fire scorched the bark where her head had been seconds before. Usagi grabbed her broach and rolled out of the way of another attack.  
  
"Moon Eternal---shit! Will you just fuck off? MoonEternalPower!" she yelled in a rush.  
  
Moon leaped into the air. "Shit! Hey you goddamn asshole! Yeah! Up here! I am having one HELL of a day, and you are NOT prepared to meet a super-heroine on a BAD DAY! I'M TALKING TO YOU, GODDAMMIT! Twilight Cannon!"  
  
She swore when the attack was absorbed into its skin. The reptilian woman looked upwards and frowned. Moon looked around in a panic. What to do, what to do? Ah!  
  
"Wings of Strength and Speed!" she said.  
  
Pointedly ignoring the near staggering pain, she flew quickly in the other direction. Much to her dismay, as she was passing over a clearing she saw Yohji, Saori, Duo, and Rei standing there arguing. The youma saw them too.  
  
"GODDAMMIT YOU BASTARDS! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!" Moon bellowed.  
  
The four looked up just in time to see the youma punch Moon, slamming her into the ground. The blonde senshi groaned and picked herself off her feet. The youma let out a triumphant roar and threw itself at her. Still using every colorful word she knew, Moon grappled with the youma, trying desperately to get its claws away from her throat.  
  
"DIAMOND! MARS! SOMEONE!" she managed to shout.  
  
"TEARS OF BLOOD!" a familiar voice cried out.  
  
Thousands of blood red teardrops zinged at the youma, who looked mildly irritated. It rolled off of Moon and began advancing on Mars. Moon glanced down as the Ginzuinshou seemed to glow with a sickly light. You're going to have to use it, it seemed to crow. The now battered Sailor Moon struggled to her feet.  
  
Yohji looked at her intently, and then let his eyes travel down her legs. They looked familiar. Ah, yes. They looked like Usagi's. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. His mind screeched to a halt as he just stared up in shock.  
  
Moon bunched up her legs and shot into the air. Coming to a shuddering stop directly above the youma, she motioned for Mars to get out of the way. The Fire Senshi obeyed.  
  
"Triple Beam!" Moon cried out.  
  
A huge stream of raw black power came rocketing out of her hands, the force flinging Moon into the sky. After spinning haphazardly, she finally regained control of her wings and flew downwards to where Mars was just picking herself up.  
  
"What the hell was that?" she asked.  
  
Moon, trembling with exhaustion, shook her head. "The hell that I know. Damned Ginzuinshou made me."  
  
They both drew nearer to where the youma had once been and gazed at it solemnly. Mars looked up at her terrified leader. "Moon-chan, that attack is not something I remember Serenity-sama ever giving you. That attack is something brand new."  
  
"Think I don't know that?" Moon snapped.  
  
But privately she agreed. The person Sailor Moon was and the bottomless hole in the ground were two things that did not sound good when put together.  
  
  
  
  
  
Saori tugged at Duo's arm. The fright on her hero's face was making her uneasy. She felt the need to be reassured. "Duo-chan, let's go talk to Sailor Moon! Please!"  
  
"I don't think I could stop you," he said with an absent smile.  
  
Saori led him over to the precipice of the pit, where Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars were conferring. "Sailor Moon?" Saori asked timidly.  
  
Sailor Moon turned to them with a raised eyebrow. "Hai?"  
  
"I didn't recognize that attack," Duo said suddenly.  
  
Sailor Moon's attention snapped to him and for an instant it looked like she was going to say something nasty, but then Mars pinched her, and Moon's expression sweetened. Her tone, however, did not.  
  
"Well that makes two of us, doesn't it?"  
  
Duo's interest sharpened. "You didn't recognize that attack? How is that possible? I thought you were in complete control of your attacks and everything."  
  
Moon laughed bitterly. "If only that were the case. Think I had any idea what the hell I was doing my fist night as a super-heroine?"  
  
"Then where did that come from?"  
  
She made a vague gesture with her right hand and suddenly turned towards Mars, who was looking a trifle petulant. "You had a new attack too! What the hell was that?" Moon demanded.  
  
Mars looked offended. "Damned if I know! I just got back from England, baka! And I only had one new attack! You and Venus each have two! And you get more attention than I do!"  
  
Moon rolled her eyes. "That's because I'm prettier," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.  
  
"Baka!"  
  
"I was just kidding!"  
  
Duo and Saori stared at the bickering Senshi. Well, Duo thought with a small grin, at least they're human. His eyes went to where Yohji was standing stock still. What was with that? Shouldn't the man at least be thanking the Senshi for saving his life?  
  
"Yohji-san! Come over here and thank the good ladies for their work!"  
  
The Senshi just stared at Duo, who smiled charmingly at them. Moon looked like she was going to rip his head off, but altered her expression when Mars gave her a knowing look.  
  
"It applies to Senshi time," she said quietly, but loud enough for Duo to hear.  
  
Moon glared at Mars who just laughed. Yohji walked up to them with his characteristic smirk. "Hello ladies. Senshis, I should say, ne? May I give a pretty lady a thankful hug?"  
  
"Only if she's the one you're hugging," Mars muttered, waving her hand at Moon.  
  
Yohji smiled and stepped forwards to hug the smiling Senshi. "I caught you, Usa-chan," he whispered in her ear. He let her go and barely restrained a chuckle as she backpedaled.  
  
"Mars-chan, we need to go. Fly. Up. Now. And talk. Right now," she added for extra emphasis.  
  
"All right, all right! And how do you propose that we get wherever you want to be "Right Now"?"  
  
"We'll fly," Moon said instantly.  
  
The blonde senshi slipped her arms under Mar's armpits and flapped into the air. With a rapid succession of beats, Moon and Mars were flying at top speed towards Rei's shrine.  
  
"Rei, Yohji recognized me," Moon said finally.  
  
"NANI? HOW? LUNA SAID THE MAGIC PROTECTED US!" Mars shouted furiously.  
  
"Stop squirming, or I'll drop you! I think he recognized my legs," Moon said thoughtfully.  
  
"Nani?" Mars asked in shock.  
  
Moon shrugged and began a controlled fall towards Rei's house. "He boasted that he could tell a girl by their legs. Ken-kun and I tested him by taking a magazine of well known models and stars and ripping their legs off. Then we showed them to him and he went all weepy about how we "ripped poor Jennie Lopez's legs off", or we "dismembered little Christina Ricci". It was really very entertaining. And it would make sense that he'd be able to recognize my legs. I do have a tendency to show them off, you know. That's a trait that Sailor Moon and I have in common."  
  
"You are positively insane, Usa-chan," Mars said in amazement.  
  
"Hai, I know. Demo, the people I know are the reasons that I'm that way."  
  
Mars mulled over this comment for a while and then realized the implication right as they landed in her courtyard. "HEY!" she cried, delivering a solid thwap to Usagi's golden head.  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
Minako yawned again. "So why are we here, besides that you wanted to tear me away from my winning card game?"  
  
Usagi stared at her friend. They were all sitting around in Rei's room for the second time that day, and Minako was not very happy about it. Usagi cleared her throat. "Minako, you were playing strip poker."  
  
"I know!" she snapped. "And Hii-kun was LOSING! That was going to be vital in his capture!"  
  
"Eh, was Mamoru still there?"  
  
"Hai! He wasn't doing very well either! Usagi no baka!"  
  
Haruka snapped to and stared at Usagi and Minako. "Are you meaning to tell me that Chiba's out of jail? How?"  
  
"Well, he's a scientific experiment. He has a chip in his head regulating his behavior. I'm told that the punishment for being bad is very painful. I'm glad I'm not in his place."  
  
Ami clapped her hands excitedly. "Ruthie was telling me about that! Usagi, ask him about Dr. Ruth McGowen, alright? I read her article on that chip! They had said that a someone named Darien Shields had been the recipient, but I had never connected him with Mamoru!"  
  
At their blank looks, she elaborated. "I once did a interview with him for Speech, and one of the questions was what he always wanted his name to be!"  
  
"Oh," they all chorused.  
  
"Anyways," Rei snapped. "We've got to get down to business. We've had two attacks in the same area in the same day. If this wasn't a warning in and of itself, I'd be tempted to say that it was just a few leftovers. But Usa- chan mentioned that Prince Diamond is back somehow, and that we've been getting some odd attacks. Usagi used one called the Triple Beam today, and it blasted a hole in the ground that looked like it went on forever. I'm sure that her other attacks might have been able to do that, I repeat, MIGHT have been able to. But the attack was black. Not pink, silver, or gold like all of her other ones. It was black."  
  
"I hate to tell you guys this, but we're in deep shit," Hotaru announced.  
  
"Oh really, why do you think that?" Makoto asked sarcastically. "We've got a new enemy, and Usa-chan's getting destructive, black colored attacks! What could be worse?"  
  
Usagi coughed. "Well, Yohji figured out who I am," she said into the gaping silence.  
  
"Wow Usa-chan, you're really brave," Minako said teasingly.  
  
"HE FOUND OUT THAT YOU'RE SAILOR MOON?" Haruka roared, jumping to her feet.  
  
"Iie," Usagi drawled. "He more specifically found out that Sailor Moon was me."  
  
"GODDAMMIT!" she roared.  
  
"Haruka Ten'ou! Watch your language, dammit!"  
  
"Michi-mamma!" Hotaru gasped before bursting into laughter.  
  
"So I'll see you all at six PM?" Usagi asked loudly.  
  
All conversations and mini-wars stopped as the women stared at Usagi. Then Minako let out a loud gasp, making everyone transfer their stares to her. She squealed loudly. "Quatre's party is tonight!" she whispered loudly.  
  
"That's right! You're all invited!" Usagi said with a bright smile.  
  
"Gomen Usa-chan, but we can't come," Michiru said sadly. Haruka nodded violently, opposed to anything that even remotely sounded like a party, unless it had the word "birthday" tacked on the front.  
  
"I've got to guard the Time Gates against what is happening," Setsuna explained.  
  
"I think I can come," Ami said thoughtfully.  
  
"Me too!" Makoto cheered.  
  
"Eh, I suppose I can take time out of my busy schedule," Rei said with a sniff.  
  
"I'm coming!" Hotaru shouted.  
  
Usagi clapped her hands together. "Great! Come on over to my house, and we'll get ready!"  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
"You really think this looks okay?" Hotaru asked worriedly.  
  
Usagi glared at her. "For the last time Hota-chan, you look fantastic!"  
  
Hotaru looked skeptically at her reflection. They had been digging through Hotaru's princess clothes that she had put in subspace and had found this dress. It was a spaghetti strap style dress with a loose neckline that hung in a few shimmering black folds against her chest. The dress clung to her upper body nicely, and then loosened abruptly at the V-waist. A dark purple underskirt hemmed with beautiful purple lace showed at the very bottom of her dress when she spun. Maybe she did look alright.  
  
Usagi handed her some long black gloves and helped her down off the stool. "You really do look great Hota-chan," she said sincerely.  
  
"USAGI! REI NEEDS HELP!"  
  
"I DO NOT!"  
  
The blonde rolled her eyes and ran down the hall to where Minako was trying to do Rei's hair. She pushed open the bathroom door and raised an eyebrow at Rei, who looked just as marvelous as Minako and Hotaru did.  
  
Rei was wearing a red Chinese dress trimmed with gold. A dragon wound across her chest region, briefly reminding Usagi of her pajamas. Shaking the thought out of her head, she cast Minako a cursory look.  
  
Her fellow blonde looked magnificent, as she damn well should. She wore a clinging orange dress that loosened a tiny bit as it fell towards the floor. Her hair was piled on top of her head with a few artfully curled strands snaking out of confinement.  
  
"Rei won't let me do anything with her hair," Minako complained.  
  
Usagi shrugged. "Leave her alone. Her face looks thin when her hair's up, and we do not want thin faces with that dress."  
  
Minako inspected the dress, and then nodded. "Hai, I guess you're right. Let's go check on Ami-chan and Mako-chan!" she said enthusiastically.  
  
"Hai, hai, hai," Usagi said with a smile.  
  
Ami was wearing something that looked a lot like a Greek style toga, except much more becoming. It was also light blue, and showed off enough cleavage to get anyone's attention. It seemed that Ami wasn't so modest anymore, unless she didn't know about what she was displaying. A tiny smirk sent towards Usagi convinced her that Ami had grown up-a little bit.  
  
Makoto was wearing a strapless forest green dress. It had a long slit up the right side, showing a lot of leg. Usagi gave Makoto a thumbs up sign, who just humphed and returned to reading about how marvelous the Jupiter was.  
  
Usagi sighed happily. They were ready to go sweep those bastards off their feet.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The first problem they had was actually getting to the dinner. The cars they had were Usagi's Jeep and Setsuna's big green van (made for carting Hotaru and her friends around). Yohji had arrived late, which meant that whoever was lucky enough to get a ride with Usagi was going to be in for it. After a minor scuffle, it was decided that Minako and Mamoru would ride with Yohji and Usagi. Michiru, Haruka, Hotaru, Rei, Makoto, and Ami would ride with Setsuna, much to their profound relief.  
  
Minako noted with slight unease that Usagi was smiling, and that her smile was slightly insane. Following the bunny's gaze, Minako was partially amazed to discover that Usagi was starring at Ami with an avid interest. She then would look over at Yohji and her smile would take on a maniacal edge. Preventing herself from being freaked out too much, Minako coughed loudly, drawing Usagi's attention.  
  
"Ready? Of course you are! Mamoru-kun, I suggest that you buckle your seatbelt."  
  
The dark haired man snorted. "Usagi, I know how you drive. One day you'll get a ticket for going too slow."  
  
"Oh, really?" she asked, hands tightening on the steering wheel. "Then you won't mind that I up the speed a little bit, I presume."  
  
"Not at all."  
  
Usagi grinned again, showing all of her teeth. Watching her slam on the gas and then laugh as Mamoru was thrown hard into the back of his seat, Yohji wondered with a smirk why he never thought of Usagi as a girlfriend before. Because she and Duo looked so well together, the back of his mind supplied. Well, now Duo was out of the picture and it was HIS turn to have Usagi, or Sere as her friends sometimes called her.  
  
Someone up there must love me, he thought with a grateful look towards the sky.  
  
Oblivious to Yohji's gleeful thoughts beside her, Usagi kept the gas pedal on the floor; taking a perverse pleasure in watching Mamoru's horrified expression through her rear-view mirror. Setsuna's car was left behind VERY quickly.  
  
"USAGI!" Mamoru yelled in protest. "SLOW DOWN, DAMMIT!"  
  
The blonde driver paid absolutely no attention to him whatsoever.  
  
Mamoru didn't know how long it took, but the Jeep finally screamed to a halt. He opened his eyes cautiously and looked around bemusedly at the shiny, expensive, wannabe God cars. Usagi gave a snort of contempt and slid out of the car, smoothing her red dress---which was to die for, Mamoru saw with annoyance. Why hadn't she ever dressed like that when he had gone out with her? Life wasn't fair, he decided.  
  
"I think I need to run over all these cars," she declared.  
  
Minako giggled. "I'd like to see you try! One of this has to be Peacecraft's car, and she'd probably have all of her little assassins kill you or something!"  
  
"I'd like to see them try," Yohji said with a teasing smile. "Sagi-chan would probably fry them with her Hiiro patented Glare-O'-Death. Either that or seduce them," he added with a smirk.  
  
"To much energy," Usagi retorted with a laugh. "Well, shall we commence being well bred jackasses?"  
  
Yohji held out his arm, which Usagi laid her gloved hand on. "We shall," he said teasingly. "Sister Usagi," he murmured under his breath.  
  
"Dream on, baka!" she hissed back, smacking him lightly on the arm.  
  
They walked through the main doors and nearly gaped in awe. So this is what it meant to see a real fancy type dinner party, Usagi thought in shock. The room seemed to glitter with the light glinting off of wine glasses. The dance floor was alive with whirling colors of dresses and the evening black of the men. Energy and heat draped over the festivities like a heavy cloak. The clockwork of the dance seemed to pause as they walked through the room, like magnets reacting to their opposites. She didn't know about Yohji, but she was flattered that they had big enough presences to make everyone stop and look at them, even if it was only for a second.  
  
Yohji descended the stairs with a smiling Usagi on his arm, and after what seemed like an eternity stepped onto the floor. The couple was almost instantly surrounded by the important people of society, and Yohji found himself (quite unexpectedly) being drawn into that light, superficial conversation that the powerful and rich dwelled on. What really amazed him though was how elegant and, well, decent Usagi was being. She was actually acting like a well bred woman of a higher class than she was.  
  
But wasn't Sailor Moon supposed to be a princess or something? If not a princess, it really didn't matter. Superhero was a class all by itself. It was looking like he was going to be kissing Ami Mizuno before the night was over. Noticing a slight commotion at the top of the stairs, he looked up in time to see Ami gliding down the stairs with the exact same expression that everyone else in the room was wearing. His trained eye caught the swell of her bosom beneath the Greek style dress and he smirked.  
  
Not that he'd mind if he had to kiss her..  
  
Usagi barely kept herself from an ungraceful snigger, almost as if she had read his thoughts. She knew exactly what he was looking at and, more importantly, why he was looking at her. Now it was time for her to lay the finishing and final touch on her revenge. Her blue eyes skipped across the room and finally landed on a long braid. She touched Yohji's arm, mouthed what she was going to do, and melted into the crowd.  
  
Twisting, turning, and winding through the masses of people, she finally made it to where Duo, Quatre, and Saori were talking. Usagi summoned a pleasant smile to her face and touched Duo lightly on the shoulder. He flinched, and then narrowed his eyes when he saw it was her.  
  
"What'd you do?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
Usagi smiled serenely. "I just came over here to say thank you, and that it was fun."  
  
"It?" he asked skeptically.  
  
"It," she confirmed. "You, me, everything. Thank you. It was fun," she repeated, annoyance shading her sweet tone.  
  
When Duo didn't say anything, she smiled again, wished him a good life, and melted back into the crowd. She popped up again by Yohji's side, which was a trick that gained lots of laughs and the general goodwill of all those people that she didn't even care about.  
  
Usagi plunged into more "How's the weather" conversation, and was dismayed to find her mind wandering back to where Duo was. She yanked it back, firmly telling herself that she had no regrets. It had been fun, but now it was over. No regrets. Just good memories of a relationship that had ended.  
  
She was saying something (she had no idea what she was talking about) to someone when yet another someone tugged on her arm. Usagi turned around with a pretty, welcoming smile when her eyes fell on a familiar brown head of hair.  
  
"Shingo-kun? What are you doing here?"  
  
He gave her a half smile. "So it is you. I wasn't sure. We haven't seen you since you graduated from high school, you know. What are you doing here? I'm here with a friend. Omi. Do you know him?"  
  
Usagi swallowed hard. Why was it so hard to talk to Shingo? "Hai, I know him. He works with Yohji-kun, who's around here somewhere. I'm here because I'm a friend of the host, Quatre Winner."  
  
Shingo raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Oh really. And how'd you meet him?"  
  
She took a dainty sip of her wine, and nearly gagged when it went down. Whoever said this type of wine was a delicacy was lying, she thought in disgust. Realizing Shingo was awaiting her answer, she smiled again.  
  
"I used to date one of his friends."  
  
"Right. Uh, Usa-chan? Remember the night you told me about-well, you know? Chibiusa-chan and everything? Well, since you're not dating Mamoru any more, and since he's in jail, I thought, well-"  
  
"Spit it out!" she said impatiently.  
  
Shingo frowned, and then looked over to the left of the room, where there was a thick knot of younger people. "I tried to get her to tell me how she was here, but she wouldn't. She just wanted to see you."  
  
"Who are you talking about?" she hissed.  
  
"Usagi?" came a soft, sweet voice from beside her.  
  
Usagi met Shingo's apologetic look, and then turned slowly around to stare into way too familiar red eyes. Red eyes framed with pink hair. Oh God, she thought witlessly.  
  
"Chibiusa?"  
  
The teenage girl bobbed her head up and down excitedly. "Hai! It's me! I didn't think it was you, but Shingo-kun seemed to think it was, so we came over here to check!"  
  
"'Sagi-chan, who's this charming young lady?"  
  
Usagi panicked, realizing that Yohji had come up quietly behind her again, and had probably overheard at least half of the conversation. Wonderful. How the hell was she going to explain this?  
  
  
  
  
  
__________________________  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love doing that to people, as if you couldn't guess. I have a trick up my sleeve on our little Chibiusa.. If I choose to use it.. It'll certainly be interesting. YES, WELL, I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK OF Y'ALL! (heehee, I'm Texan (JK)) There's this great author watergoddess, and she's got these two great stories that no one is reviewing (because it's VERY hard to get reviews in the Original section, as far as I'm concerned) READ AND REVIEW! FOR BOTH OF US! THANKS! 


	4. Plotting, Planning, and Partying

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Four  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
LAST TIME:  
  
Usagi and Minako meet up unexpectedly with their erstwhile companion (who had been in prison for dealing drugs), and get involved in a high-priority game of strip poker. Usagi meets up with Yohji at "the flower shop" and discovers (with a thundering headache) that Prince Diamond (who had somehow come back to life) was the customer who had purchased the last black roses. Usagi and Yohji go for a walk which is interrupted by yet another youma, and Yohji realizes that his girlfriend is running around in a pleated mini- skit fighting youma. The Senshi have a small apocalyptic fit at this news, but then retire to Quatre's dinner party. Usagi springs her last piece of revenge ("Thanks, it was fun,") and runs into her ex-daughter, Chibiusa.  
  
One word basically sums this summary up:  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Damn," Usagi said softly.  
  
Chibiusa's head whipped towards her mother, and Usagi found herself the recipient of a very disapproving look. The blonde rolled her eyes. If the strawberry-haired girl had a problem with swear words, she had better find herself some other mommy, because Usagi sure as hell wasn't going to clean up her act for a daughter she didn't even want.  
  
"Yohji-kun," she said with an uneasy smile. "This is my cousin, Chibiusa! Chibiusa, meet my boyfriend, Yohji."  
  
Chibiusa's red eyes widened. "He's your boyfriend? What happened to Papa- I mean-Mamo-chan? Usagi-chan, you can't break up with him now!"  
  
Usagi sighed. "Chibiusa, I broke up with Mamoru Chiba several years ago, right before he went to jail for dealing drugs and fucking up several people's lives."  
  
"Don't talk like that! I don't believe you! Mamo-chan wouldn't do something like that! I won't believe you!" she whispered furiously, shaking her pink pigtails. "And why aren't you wearing your pigtails? We always used to wear them together!"  
  
"Sagi-chan, I think some explanations are in order," Yohji broke in smoothly. He hated it when little kids started to go into denial. They got all red in the face and their cheeks bulged out. It was incredibly unattractive and it was his opinion that parents gave in to these looks simply to make them go away. He glanced over to the side and wondered if Usagi would get mad at him if he punched her little bother. The damn kid had been staring at him for the last few minutes. Yohji hoped very deeply that the kid wasn't queer.  
  
"I know you!" Shingo burst out suddenly. "Usagi-chan, he's a well known playboy! He's only playing with your feelings! You've got to believe me!"  
  
Usagi groaned aloud. Why was this night going so horribly wrong? "Shingo- kun, I know very well that Yohji-kun is a playboy. What do you think I am- a girl who's on her first date? And it's impossible that he's playing with my feelings because I'd know if he were doing that. Besides, we're together purely because our respective other halves have run off together. Well, we're together because of revenge, too. And Chibiusa, I'm not with Chiba anymore!"  
  
"You called him by his last name!" Chibiusa wailed.  
  
"Usa, what's going-oh God," Mamoru said in shock as he popped up behind them. He swallowed and tried to ignore Chibiusa's accusing red eyes. Jesus, she looked like a demon. "Konnichiwa, Chibiusa-chan," he said finally.  
  
"Mamo-chan! Is it true that you and Usagi-chan broke up?"  
  
". Hai."  
  
The smaller girl stamped her foot on the ground. "Then why am I here?" she demanded.  
  
Mamoru and Usagi exchanged a look, and then Usagi knelt in front of Chibiusa. "I'll ask Setsuna, alright?"  
  
Chibiusa sniffled loudly, and then nodded. "Hai. I guess. I want to know what's going on! Why aren't you two still together, and why am I even alive?"  
  
"You know," Yohji ventured, "I think that she isn't your cousin at all. I think that she's your daughter from the future, but you're not together with her father anymore, so you're trying to figure out why she's possible."  
  
Usagi and Mamoru stared at him with their eerily similar blue eyes and then nodded reluctantly. Yohji smiled. "Well, Mamoru might rape you sometime in the future," he said with a quirked eyebrow.  
  
Chibiusa and Shingo gasped, but Mamoru and Usagi laughed. "As if that's ever going to happen!" she said with a chuckle. "Due to a small alteration in his physical makeup, our dear Mamo-chan couldn't hurt a fly, as long as it was human, if that makes any sense. Really, I don't think he should try. Chibiusa and Shingo, go mingle with people your age. Make it a point to flirt. Make connections. Mamoru, go do whatever you were doing before you came over here. Yohji, let's go and continue with me winning our bet. Now," she added when no one moved.  
  
Chibiusa looked like she was going to protest, but Shingo rolled his eyes and dragged her back towards the thick knot of the younger rich snobs. Mamoru stared at Chibiusa as she retreated and sighed.  
  
"Usagi," he said turning to her, "do you have any idea why she's here?"  
  
Usagi shrugged fluidly and picked a glass of wine from a passing silver tray. "I haven't the faintest idea. Well, no, I do have a guess. I think this is the Old Queen's way of trying to get us back together,"  
  
Mamoru snorted. "No offense Usa, but there is no way I'm getting back together with you,"  
  
Usagi patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sweet smile. "Good, because I'd kill you if you tried. Come along Yohji darling,"  
  
"Shall we go stun them all with our incredible wit and beauty?" he asked with a playful smirk.  
  
"Of course!" Usagi said through the corner of her mouth. "Besides, I want to see you when you kiss Ami. It's going to be priceless. If she's going to play this game.." Usagi trailed off with a gracious smile at the approaching Suit and his lady.  
  
"Konnichiwa," Usagi said in her silky talking-to-rich-people voice.  
  
The Suit bowed and kissed Usagi's hand. "I don't think we've seen you before madame. And you, monsieur. Isn't this dinner party magnificent? The host is utterly charming," he said with a polite smile.  
  
Yohji tried hard not to grin and utterly failed. "Yeah, it's pretty nice, huh?" Then he winced and glared at Usagi, who smilingly took her heel off his foot.  
  
"Actually monsieur, it's mademoiselle. I'm not married yet, unfortunately," Usagi said lightly.  
  
The man bowed slightly. "Forgive me mademoiselle. I shouldn't have presumed that you were married to this man here. What, by the way, is your name?"  
  
Usagi smiled and waved her hand in a motion that Yohji was suddenly entranced by. Rich people had a sign language too, it seemed.  
  
"It's really alright," Usagi was saying, "I don't mind at all. My name is Usagi Tsukino, and this is my boyfriend Yohji Kudou. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was noticing your necklace earlier," she said switching her attention to the wife, "and I simply must know where you got that utterly unique pendant!"  
  
"Je suis Monsieur DeLaquil, and this is my wife Marie DeLaquil. I bought her the necklace for her at our fifteenth anniversary. We've gotten several compliments on it," he said proudly.  
  
The wife nodded, and Usagi noticed that the woman's eyes were focused solely on Yohji, who was looking like he enjoyed the pretty lady's attention very much. The man was actually moving slowly in her direction.  
  
Not yet buddy boy, she told him mentally as she clamped down on his arm with a sweet, blinding smile. "I know you're thirsty Yohji dear, but you must remember that you have that problem with liquids.." She said with a perfectly concerned face. Mamoru didn't call her a bitch for nothing.  
  
Yohji's face went purple, and Marie DeLaquil backed up a tiny step and put her hand on her husband's shoulder. Usagi stared at Yohji expectantly, but he just glared at her. Then he switched his attention back to the supremely confused French couple.  
  
"So," he said in a slightly strangled voice, "you've been married for fifteen years? Damn, that's a long time," he said admiringly, but his expression slipped when he saw the man's incredulous look of astonishment. Usagi was giggling to herself beside him.  
  
"Fifteen years? Mon Deiu, sonny! We've been married for fifteen months, going on sixteen! Oh! Roger! Roger! There's mon ami, Roger Smith! Lovely meeting you Yohji and Usagi, but we must be going now. Roger! ROGER!"  
  
The beautiful couple watched the old man and his trophy bride walk away hand in hand towards an equally old and probably lecherous man. Usagi covered her mouth with her hand and tried to smother her laughter. She snatched another glass of white wine from a maid, and sipped it daintily.  
  
""Mon Deiu, Sonny! We've been married for fifteen months!"" Yohji said grumpily, in a surprisingly (and frighteningly) good imitation of Monsieur DeLaquil.  
  
Usagi snorted into her third glass of wine and tried desperately to wipe the alcohol off her chin. Giggling, she grabbed his arm and pulled on it a bit. "Yohji, stop it! You're going to make me spit this on you, and you'll only have yourself to blame!"  
  
"Sonny! He called me "sonny"!" he said indignantly, delighted when Usagi's face went red with the withheld laughter.  
  
There was another tug on her arm, and she turned around again-carefully, this time. There seemed to be bad luck associated with her energy, the tugging of arms, and the action of turning around. It was Shingo again, and there was a beautiful, simpering girl with a tiara on her head hanging on his arm. Elation grew inside of her. She was a good influence after all!  
  
"Konichiwa, Shingo-san," she said coolly. "Who is this *girl*?" she asked coldly, letting her eyes sweep over the girl and then flick in a different direction.  
  
He frowned. "Usagi-san," he said (trying to play along with his older sister's antics), "this is Lady Mayumi Kurenda. I'm showing her to the bathroom," he explained.  
  
Usagi turned her head around the slightest bit and gave Mayumi another cursory look, but smiled frostily. "Don't explain yourself to me. She's alright on my list," she said dismissively.  
  
Shingo gave her another look, but Mayumi curtsied and gave Usagi an equally cool look. "I would like to express my thanks in that you find me acceptable, Usagi-san. Don't tell him," she said with a tiny smile, "but I like him a great deal. And since you are connected-history wise-with him, domo agriato. By the way, that pink haired friend of his needs some help. She's not mingling well," she explained, and then gave a small gasp as Shingo yanked her away.  
  
Yohji waited until they were gone before rounding on the immensely pleased Usagi. "What the hell was that? Those mean looks? The "Usagi-san"? The- the-all that weird stuff!"  
  
Usagi laughed and patted him on the arm. "Yohji-kun, if there's one thing you learn about being with these people all the time, it's that there's a special way to deal with all of the young ladies of the court. They love to be acknowledged, respected, and treated like their decisions make a damned difference in the world. So I gave it to her. Big deal. Now let's go save the socially floundering Chibi, shall we?"  
  
Yohji sighed in exasperation and dropped his head. "Fine," he muttered. "Lead the way, Usagi-sama," he said with a sudden return of his characteristic smirk.  
  
"Beauty before.never mind. That would put me before you," she said with her own smirk as she swept past him and delved into the crowd.  
  
  
  
  
  
When they finally found Chibiusa, she was standing miserably by the punch bowl, looking very much like she wanted to either fly into a homicidal rage or cry. The homicidal rage was gaining brownie points by the minute.  
  
Usagi almost growled when she saw the stupid girl. How could any child of hers turn out to be so socially inadequate? Mamoru was generally a live wire; he was partying and carrying on all the fucking time. Where had STUPID Serenity and Endymion gone wrong raising their STUPID daughter? Well, the answer was of course that they were STIFF, UNRELENTING, and violently against anything that wasn't WHOLESOME. Stupid people, she thought irately.  
  
She marched over to the girl and spun her around. "What did you think you were doing, you selfish bitch?" she hissed loudly.  
  
All teenage conversation froze and all attention focused in on the beautiful blonde and the pretty (BUT TOO SHY) teen before her. The blonde woman slapped her, and everyone winced.  
  
Chibiusa stared at Usagi in confusion when Usagi let her hand breeze by her cheek while someone made a flesh-on-flesh noise. 'Play along', Usagi mouthed, and Chibiusa nodded, a small gleam coming to her eyes. Chibiusa's hand flew to her cheek, and she stared at Usagi in mock shock.  
  
"I- I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
Usagi advanced on her, glowing with rage. "Like HELL you don't! You stole my guy! I did all the dirty work! I arranged "accidentally bumping into him"! I trapped him, fair and square, and then you STOLE HIM, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Usagi's voice was beginning to raise.  
  
"HE LIKED ME BETTER ANYWAYS!" Chibiusa hissed back, bringing some red fury to her cheeks. "You may have arranged it and you may have trapped him, but I caught him, so beat it! You lose! Get the hell out of my face, bitch! He's mine!"  
  
Usagi suppressed a smile, and lowered her voice dramatically but made sure it carried to the ears of the nearest male viewers. "You may have won the battle Chibi, but I will win this war!"  
  
With that she spun, made sure her hair fanned out gloriously, and marched away. Chibiusa watched her mother walk away with an angry, stomping gait and smiled. So Usagi would be there for her when she needed it. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her heart. Usagi *didn't* hate her. Life was beautiful.  
  
"Konichiwa Chibi-san, did I mention how beautiful you are tonight?"  
  
"Er.no?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Yohji burst into laughter as soon as they cleared the teenage area. "Jesus, the expression on her face was priceless! She actually thought you were going to hit her! Christ," he added for effect, she supposed as he ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Well," Usagi said with an impish smile, "she needed help, and I'm not socially heartless. So, Yohji-" she was cut off as the bell began to toll the midnight hour. Her smile turned positively demonic. "I'd say I behaved myself tonight, Yohji," she said while capturing his wrist.  
  
An intensely amusing series of expressions ran across his face, fascinating the watching blonde to no end. She was pleased when he settled on smug.  
  
"The kiss," he said with a satisfied smirk.  
  
"The kiss," she confirmed with a delighted smile.  
  
Suddenly his eyes focused behind her, and the smirk was wiped off his face. Usagi turned and almost dropped her wine glass. DAMN TURNING AROUND, she thought incoherently. Duo and Saori were waltzing *very* closely, and then Duo leaned down and captured Saori's lips in what looked like a semi- passionate kiss, the kind she would use if she was trying to get someone in her bed. Usagi became aware that the sharp edges of the wine glass were cutting into her hand, so she took a deep breath and turned back around to Yohji, deliberately loosening her death-grip on the glass.  
  
"Are you worried about Saori?" she asked gently.  
  
Yohji snapped back to attention. "Ah... iie! Iie! Of course not!" he laughed feebly, and then slumped when he saw Usagi's left eyebrow climbing into her hairline. "Hai. If I kiss Ami... that'd be like brushing Saori off-"  
  
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you! You and Saori brushed each other off! You are no longer "Yohji and Saori"! She is Saori! You are Yohji! There is no "and" in between your names anymore! Move on and move up! Ami outclasses her (literally) by a trillion to none! Go for the gold, Yohji. Not the used silver, kay? We're both free right now. Going back to them would be bringing back bad old memories, and neither of us needs that kind of mental abuse right now! Aaaaiiiieee! There she is! Go for it!" she cheered.  
  
Yohji stared at her and for one moment Usagi was afraid that he had read a little too much into her little pep speech than she had meant for him to, but then that same old grin/leer came to his face and he sauntered over to Ami. Usagi sighed in relief, and then watched with a satisfied smile as Yohji kissed her smack on the lips.  
  
She blinked sudden tears out of her eyes. This was a moment she would probably remember and cherish for the rest of her life. A romance gone right for someone. There was just something beautiful about something like that. There was a quick flash of inspiration. Maybe she would never find true love, but maybe she could help other people find it!  
  
Suddenly cheered up as if she had downed six more glasses, she almost floated out to the Jeep and sat herself down on the hood. Sighing to herself, she turned the radio on to "It's All Been Done' by the Barenaked Ladies. Ah. Great song. It had been her song for herself and Mamoru while they were together (because of all the talk of past lives). She pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag.  
  
When had she begun to smoke? It had probably been after watching that movie about the rich family with the jackass dad, the rich mom, the historian step-dad, the suicidal-downwards-spiraling tennis star son, the safety obsessed son, and the adopted daughter that kicked some serious ass, or when she had figured out that because of the perks of being immortal, she wasn't going to be dying of cancer. She considered both of these possibilities, and decided that it was probably the perk idea.  
  
"There she is! Usagi! I'm going home with Himiko!"  
  
"Oi! Usa-chan! Hii-kun's driving me home, saa?"  
  
"'Sagi-chan! I'm walking this lovely young lady home!"  
  
And with those words, Mamoru, Minako, and Yohji were all gone, leaving Usagi sitting on the hood of her Jeep with a cigarette hanging unflatteringly out of her mouth. She realized this and stamped the cigarette out on the asphalt.  
  
"Some friends they are," she muttered to herself, hopping into her car.  
  
"I don't really need them," Usagi mumbled to herself as she slammed on the gas , "Not Duo, not Yohji, not Minako, not anyone!"  
  
Aware that she was beginning to swerve on the road, she pulled over on side of the street. She was lucky that she had found a parking spot so close to where she was headed. Hopping out of her car, she walked unsteadily down to her favorite hangout, the Jane St. Claire. It was a bar, but it didn't have the disgusting sleaze that usually staggered into some of the other shady establishments. She wasn't totally sure, but the St. Claire was a pretty big drug trading post. Mamoru would know, she thought venomously.  
  
The bartender, Jiro, looked up from the newspaper when she staggered in. "Konnichiwa Usagi-san! You look like shit! Here, sit down and have a drink."  
  
She looked up at him with big, bleary eyes and slumped onto a barstool. "I need to wallow in self-pity for a while," she proclaimed suddenly.  
  
Then she let her forehead hit her arms and let out a huge breath that she had forgotten she was holding. Life was a mess, she decided. It was just too hard sometimes! Everyone hated her-no, that wasn't true. But it was true that no one cared enough about her to do anything but see her as Ms. Heartbreaker! What if she had left a suicide note? They probably would have laughed it off as one of her more dramatic jokes and gone out for pizza and sex.  
  
Usagi snuffled loudly and continued with her self-pity. After pizza and sex, they'd get a call from some trucker telling them that he had found a blonde haired woman floating facedown in the river. There was a hate letter in her jean pocket, and it said that he needed to call the number on the letter, tell them that her death was all their faults, and then hang up.  
  
A mug of beer clunked down on the bar in front of her, and she raised her eyes to glare at it. IT was making the world look worse than it already was.  
  
"Sorry to say this, but you look like you could use it," a man said conversationally.  
  
"You're a man," she mumbled. "Go away," she added, waving a shaking hand at him.  
  
Her love life problems eclipsed her impending suicide issue by a world. Why couldn't she just live happily ever after? She had a chance with Mamoru, but then something screwy had happened there and he started to push drugs. She had had a chance with Duo, and that had gone all wrong. Then she had had some kind of a chance with Yohji, but then she had let him go to Ami. Then you had to figure in the countless bad men falling madly in love with her, the times she had died for love, and everyone who had died for love of her, and you come up with one horrible love life.  
  
Maybe she was bad luck. That would make sense. She should become a nun so no more men would fall victim to her luck (or lack thereof). That would work. Nuns weren't allowed to see men most of the time. Of course, they weren't allowed to sleep on real beds either. AND they had to worship God 24/7. Now did that sound like fun? No.  
  
Usagi groaned again and lifted her head off the bar. The mug sat innocently before her. She really shouldn't drink anymore; she had already had too much at the dinner party. The golden beer caught the light, and she sighed. Grabbing it up, she downed it in seven deep gulps.  
  
The blonde plunked the mug down on the table and staggered to her feet giggling. Wobbling wildly out to her car, she yanked open the door and sat down. She worked on getting her key in the slot for about fifteen minutes, got it in, and then looked up in time to see Duo and Saori walk past hand in hand. She swore loudly and gunned the engine.  
  
Usagi was going faster than she normally would, and for some reason the world was kind of wobbly and strange looking and she couldn't see past the rain in her eyes- She took both hands off the wheel and rubbed furiously at her eyes. There was a screech, a loud shout, a flash of Duo and Saori kissing-  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
The next thing she knew was that sunlight was falling directly onto her eyes and it was pissing her off. She waved her hands irritably at the light, trying to make it go away. Then the headache hit her full force.  
  
"Damn light," she rasped.  
  
Minako flinched and looked like she was going into a convulsion, and then leaped out of her chair. "Usagi-chan! You're alright! How do you feel? Do you need water? Or food? You always like food-"  
  
"Minako," Usagi complained. "Be quiet! You're giving me a headache! And why wouldn't I be alright?"  
  
Minako stopped. "You don't remember?"  
  
Usagi frowned. This wasn't sounding good. This was the scene in the soap opera when the heroine finds out that she had gotten in a terrible accident, Usagi thought with a wry grin. Ha! She was like Supergirl! Nothing could ever happen to her! Nothing so mundane, anyways.  
  
"Usa-chan, you were in an accident.."  
  
The smile was wiped right off Usagi's face. "Dammit..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
___________  
  
Er... so how'd you guys out there like it? Jesus, I never know. I've been having such a crap case of WB, I haven't been able to STAND IT! AAAAAAHHH!!!! It was like being stuck in.. well, you guys 'd know wouldn't you, though? HA! Stupid writer's block. And this is the only thing I'm unblocked on, too! Well, I take that back. I can prolly write more on Godforsaken, but I'm still trying to recuperate after seeing "The Ring". That was four days ago, and I'm STILL having nightmares and I can barely gather the courage to run to the light switch every morning. I think if that fucked up little girl EVER comes for me, I'll kick her. No, I take that back too. I'll be dead on the floor with that fucked up gross face- HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MOVIE???? I'M GETTING THE CREEPS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! *hides behind pillow and looks apprehensively at OPEN, DARK closet* Dammit, I need to get a hold of myself! *hears a soft noise and screams* I'll be leaving now! Watch the Ring! Be terrified along with me PLEASE! *leaps under comforters, shaking in terror* Save me... 


	5. Ode to Accidents Changes and High Childr...

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Five  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In our last episode, Usagi, Mamoru, and Chibiusa duke it out over how exactly the little demon *cough* GIRL, excuse me, she's alive, but then Usagi gets mildly upset and scares them all away. After a completely irrelevant and pointless conversation with a French couple, Usagi gives Chibiusa a kick start into the world of flirtation, deception, and dinner parties. Usagi wins her little bet with Yohji, but then immediately is shocked and more than a little bit upset when she sees Duo and Saori kissing. She promptly gets drunk, gets in her car, drives to a bar, drinks some more, and has a little accident...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi smiled gently at Ami, who returned the smile cheerfully. "Thanks for the roses, Ami-chan! Oh yeah, and thanks a million for healing my bones." She smirked. "The doctors are going to throw a fit when they see this one. Thanks for coming in to visit Yohji-kun!"  
  
The man grinned. "It was the least I could do after you set me up with this little firecracker..."  
  
Ami went beet red and bowed quickly out of the room, making Usagi and Yohji laugh. The blonde flipped her hair over her shoulder and raised her eyes to Yohji. "You really like Ami, ne?"  
  
Yohji grimaced. "Unfortunately, yes-don't laugh! You are in no position to be judging anyone's love life, 'Sagi," he said with a fearsome scowl.  
  
Usagi flinched backwards at Yohji's comment. Of all the people--! She could have expected him to say something like that-there was no hope of Yohji EVER learning from anything! Her eyes went glassy, and her lips stretched into a straight line.  
  
"It was wonderful seeing you Yohji-san, but you really must be going now. I need my daily dose of heavy painkillers-my body just can't keep up with the strain of talking," she said as nicely as she could.  
  
Yohji frowned and took a step forward. "What'd I say?" he demanded.  
  
Her eyebrows drew together. "Nothing. I want you to leave! Get out of here, dammit! I have to pee!"  
  
Yohji glared at her and backed up. "One of these days Usagi, you're going to figure out that not everything is a matter of that insufferable pride of yours," he snapped.  
  
She laughed. "Pride? What pride? I've got to pee, dammit!"  
  
He turned around without another word and left. Usagi sat there, bandaged hands clenching the white sheet. She bowed her head, letting her bangs fall over her eyes. A few tears tried to squeeze their way down her cheeks, but she stubbornly held them back. Why did she always have to make such a royal mess of everything? Arg! She made herself so MAD sometimes! She should just fess up- her love life was going down the crap hole, and she was in major time denial. It was time for some changes.  
  
Usagi's teeth bit lightly into her lower lip as she tried to think. Changes. Yes, change was definitely good. Maybe a change of identity, too? Well, she could be Serenity wherever she decided to go. Serenity was actually a pretty kickass lady-she could fight AND look cool at the same time. And Usagi wasn't completely certain, but she was pretty damn sure that Serenity had a personal subspace pocket where various clothes had accumulated spontaneously over the years.  
  
Her blue eyes scanned the room. Where had she put that stupid crystal anyways? She tried to think back, and then cringed when she remembered, well, that she remembered absolutely nothing from the night before, which could lead to some pretty wild ideas if she didn't keep her imagination in check.  
  
The sudden crack of energy whipped through her room, and then something dropped into her lap. She labored to get her mind back from its scramble for sanity and looked down to study the large round object in her lap. It was an oblong globe, made entirely of shimmering black rock that did not reflect the light cast by the window, or even the fluorescent lighting. Usagi studied it with her ever alert blue eyes, wondering why there seemed to be a small black shadow thrown against what looked to be a very large window. She watched in stunned amazement as a taller, more female figure glided against the window. The woman bent down and kissed the small shadow's head.  
  
She blinked. Okay, that was different, she thought nervously. No reason to get all excited. Usagi tapped the rock experimentally and was shocked into paralysis by the jolt of power that rocketed through her arm and into her body. Her heart skipped a beat, and Usagi found herself working painstakingly just to steady her breathing.  
  
"What the hell?" she demanded of the rock, which was now glowing a suspicious silver lined with veins of black and gold.  
  
Her eyebrows arched. "No way," she muttered. "Hey, turn me back into Serenity," she commanded.  
  
There was utter silence for approximately three seconds, and then the black rock exploded with a huge burst of that not-quite-silver magic. The room was completely filled with the snapping and roaring of the power, and then suddenly it was gone. Usagi looked desperately around the room, grasping for any rationalization whatsoever for what had just happened to her.  
  
Ha! A rationalization? There was none. Usagi expelled her captured breath and leaned gratefully against the fluffy white pillow. Apparently the rock wasn't the Crystal-it was just some other immensely power artifact. Obviously. It had been dumb of her to even speculate that it WAS the Crystal. The moon goddess herself had made the Crystal, and Usagi seriously doubted that a mere princess could change the initial purity of the stupid rock.  
  
She jumped as someone knocked on her door and pushed it open. It was a small boy that she didn't know. BAD NEWS. Usagi stared him unabashedly as he walked towards her with a large bouquet of daisies. His green eyes were wide with welcome, and a big smile stretched across his face.  
  
"Ohayo Usagi-chan! I brought you some of your favorite flowers!" he said cheerfully, handing them to the properly shocked woman.  
  
The little boy carefully removed his baseball cap, set it on her bedside table, and sat down in a chair. He screwed up his mouth and scooted the chair closer. Once this Olympian feat was accomplished, he grasped Usagi's hand and beamed at her.  
  
"Isn't this better? Mama always used to tell me that women liked to be pampered and treated like they matter-which, unlike most, you do-so here I am! How are you feeling?"  
  
Usagi managed to close her mouth, and smiled warmly at him. She couldn't help it, but she absolutely loved children. They were so innocent, and so capable of love unhindered by jealousy, lust, or even shame. But first thing was first. She wasn't Sailor Moon for no reason, and there were repercussions for everything. One such effect of being a superhero was that she was slightly obsessed with knowing every face, and every name of everyone who expressed any kind of interest in her whatsoever.  
  
"Who are you?" she demanded. Okay, so it was as nice as she was going to let herself get.  
  
The boy smiled. "Watashi wa Jaki Akurei. I'm not surprised you don't remember me, Usagi-chan. We met quite a while ago. Now do you like your flowers?"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it," Usagi protested, "how long ago did we meet? By the way, how old are you?"  
  
Jaki smiled. "I'm seven, Usagi-chan. I can't remember how we met-I don't keep tabs on the "when" of things; it's utterly pointless. Things are always changing so much anyways. You never answered me, Usagi-chan," he said sadly.  
  
"Oh, I love the flowers! How did you know my favorites were daisies? Most people think my favorite's roses or something, which is shit-oh, crap. Forget I said those words, okay?"  
  
Jaki nodded, and smiled again. Usagi couldn't help bust smile back. That boyish grin of his was infectious. If he only had an older brother.. this Jaki kid was going to be a lady killer once he grew up.  
  
"Usagi-chan, is there someone you love?" he asked suddenly.  
  
Her blonde head whipped up, and an image of Duo flashed through her mind. What the hell had made him ask that? Damn kid, she thought angrily. Angrily? She stopped herself right there. She had no right to be angry with him. She was angry with herself because she wasn't forgetting Duo. Usagi laughed nervously and plucked from the table the bouquet of roses that Ami and Yohji had given her.  
  
"No, no, I don't love anyone right now. Love is a very strong word, Jaki."  
  
He cocked his head. "Yeah, but... You're lying, Usagi-chan. Can you tell me what's going on, please? Your eyes are so sad," he explained.  
  
"There's nothing going on, Jaki!" she snapped.  
  
The little boy sat back in his chair and smiled sadly at her. "You'll be the death of us all, Usagi-chan," he said softly.  
  
Usagi eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?" she asked incredulously.  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again. "I came here looking for some answers, Usagi-chan. I could never understand anyone's point of view concerning you, and so I completely ignored you. But then they put me on this job, and I figured I might as well know the woman that everything's going haywire over. It truly was nice seeing you, Usagi-chan," he sighed with a smile.  
  
The blonde woman stared at him in shock, and then in indignation. "You can't just leave! Especially after that little "soul-bearing" of yours! Get back here, dammit! Where the hell do you think you're going?" she demanded.  
  
He stopped at the door and turned back to her with a smile. "You shredded your roses," he said simply. And then he was gone.  
  
Usagi stared furiously after him, and then looked down at her lap. "Shit!"  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
John Mikell, a dutiful London copper, looked at his paperwork in disgust. He was a policeman! There were not supposed to be any papers involved in the act of beating bad guys up and sending them to jail! God, sometimes he wanted to shoot the buggers and have done with.  
  
The phone rang, bringing him from his sour ranting. He yanked the phone from the cradle and shoved it to his ear. "What the hell do you want?" he snarled.  
  
He stopped breathing for a second, and then began again. "Yeah. You want to do WHAT? Oh. Yeah. With that old crone? I'm telling ya, she's a damn buzzard! Feeds off of the young girls, she does. Right-o. Yep. Nooooo. Absolutely not. What? You did WHAT? I see. Well, that'd be against my- don't say I don't have any ethics, because I do! I simply choose to use them whenever it's most convenient. Oh, shut your mouth woman. Right, sorry. I don't-fine! But if my wife finds out you called-but-okay, I'll do it. Who do you want me to call? Yeah? What's his number?" Mike demanded.  
  
He scrambled for a piece of paper and scribbled down the phone number. "Bye sweetie. See you around sometime!"  
  
Mike hung up with a sigh. Women were going to be the death of him, he thought sourly as he eyed the number on the scrap of paper.  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
"WHO DARED TO TOUCH MY PAPERS?" the doctor roared.  
  
The room was completely silent, as all eyes were focused entirely on him. The doctor was in a state of complete disarray: his tie was part undone, his scrubs were wrinkled and dirty, his eyes were wild, and his hair was sticking in every which direction. Dr. Jaikotu (they liked to call him Dr. Jekyll) took a deep breath.  
  
"I swear to God that if anyone tells me right now no one will get any punishment," he said softly.  
  
A nurse let out a sob. "I'm sorry Dr. Jaikotu! I'm sorry! I was going to put them in the filing cabinet! Forgive me! Please!"  
  
It was a known fact that the not-so-good doctor was obsessive-compulsive about his papers, and would go to the point of attacking people for his papers' sakes. The only reason that they didn't fire him was because he was the best in the hospital.  
  
"Dr. Jaikotu, there's a call for you on line nine," the secretary said in her monotone voice.  
  
"Right," he snarled as he tore the phone from her yielding hand. "What? YOU! You always get me in trouble! Leave me be! I want nothing- what? You do? Who in God's name..? Oh. I see. Really? Well that's interesting. Never thought I'd see them again, let alone their-yes. Of course, dipshit. No, I'm swearing at the nurse standing about a foot below my line of vision. Of course she's short you numbskull, that's why-no, I'm talking to the nurse again. Of all the dumb shit things to say--! Yes, my dear friend, it's that damn nurse again. Of course I hate-no. I'm being full of jokes. Shut the hell up, you goddamn bastard! Yeah, I'll do it, now NEVER TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN YOU STUPID SHIT!"  
  
Dr. Jaikotu slammed the phone back down and stalked towards his office completely ignoring the secretary who was staring after him in complete shock.  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
  
A week later:  
  
  
  
  
  
Ikuko knocked on Usagi's door, and was pleasantly surprised when it just swung open. She entered the room nervously, closely trailed by Chibiusa, Shingo, and Kenji. What Ikuko found in the room was not what she had expected.  
  
There was a woman standing by the bed, shouting at moving men, who were packing all of her things into boxes. The workers didn't seem to mind, and kept coming back up to her flexing their muscles and asking what else they could do for her. It probably gave the woman an advantage wearing a spaghetti strap and a tiny skirt.  
  
"Usagi?" Ikuko gasped. Was that seriously her little girl?  
  
The blonde woman turned, light glinting sharply off the thick silver streaks in her hair. Her thin, expertly waxed eyebrow arched, and a mocking smile curved her shiny pink lips.  
  
"Mom," she stated more than greeted.  
  
Ikuko's jaw dropped. This stately woman would not have been her daughter, even in her wildest dreams. This woman was beautiful. She had this air of royalty-she carried herself with pride, and talked like she was someone that should be listened to. The Usagi that had moved out after college was NOT this self-assured woman of grace, beauty, and, well, an extraordinarily sharp tongue.  
  
"What are you doing out of bed? The doctor said that you had two broken legs, several broken ribs, a deep cut in your skull, and a broken collarbone! You should not even be able to stand!"  
  
Usagi flicked her hand in a dismissive manner. "Oh, that. It's nothing. And Mom? Forget that debt to Aunt Elizabeth. You're paying it off."  
  
Ikuko gaped. "How do you know about that?" she demanded.  
  
Shingo frowned. "What debt?"  
  
"Usagi, no!"  
  
The blonde flashed a contemptuous look at Ikuko. "It's nothing he hasn't seen on TV anyways. See, Ma hasn't told us a very deep, secretive, and wonderfully exciting aspect of our family history. Seems that we run this huge crime ring, kind of like the mafia. Way back a few years ago a stunningly clever and beautiful Ikuko Amano* was hanging out at a bar with a rival crime lord. Something happened, and there was a shootout. Aunt Elizabeth took a bullet for Mom. Then one of Ikuko's admirers took a bullet meant for Ikuko, and then tripped and fell in the way of a bullet meant for yet another one of Ikuko's suitors. He never told, however, because Ikuko gave him a kiss for his bravery and selflessness."  
  
Chibiusa frowned. She didn't like any of this. "Great story Usagi-chan, but what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
Usagi sniffed. "I made a call to that first man and asked him if he'd talk to Aunt Elizabeth about repaying that debt. Then he called up that man he saved, who turns out to be my doctor, and asked if he'd overlook the alcohol in my blood. The good Dr. said yes, so now I'm off to London to stay with Aunt Elizabeth for about a few months. I'll be back by the beginning of December."  
  
Kenji turned to Ikuko. "You were in a crime ring?"  
  
"Did ya have a gun?" Shingo asked.  
  
Chibiusa, however, refrained from asking Ikuko questions and marched over to Usagi. "Have you asked Setsuna yet?" she asked.  
  
Usagi shook her head. "She visited me, but I was always too drugged up to be coherent about anything. Don't worry about it. If it were my choice, I wouldn't want to know. Some things just work, but then fall apart once you learn about them. Like, maybe something horrible happened back there and everything's gone, but you wouldn't know that so you wouldn't be tempted to go and try to help, therefore preserving your life for a bit longer. See? It all works out. I've got to go, Chibi. Remember to keep in touch with those contacts," she said with a smile.  
  
The short teen snorted, but nodded anyways. Usagi smirked and edged out of the room, snickering to herself about how terminally stupid her parents were. Shingo was worth keeping-he was smart. Chibiusa was alright, but Usagi really thought she could do without the brat. And her parents hadn't even recognized her! What a laugh. Stupid people bugged her.  
  
She teleported outside and automatically began searching for her Jeep. Then a horrible realization came over her. Her Jeep was gone.  
  
Gone.  
  
Gone!  
  
Usagi sat down on the curb and let the tears come. She sat like that for what must have been a half hour before she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"No," she said sullenly, looking up. And then gasping. "Eh he, he. hi Diamond," she said uncertainly.  
  
He grinned. "What's wrong?"  
  
"My car was totaled in a wreck," she said tersely, and then felt the tears building back up.  
  
"Here now, how about we go get you a new car? I have my car here, and it's only a small drive to the dealer. Money isn't any option, is it? No, I didn't think so. People like us are overly enthusiastic about our cars, aren't we?"  
  
Usagi nodded, stood up, and gave him a big hug. Diamond stood there in shock, and then slid his arms around her waist. Suddenly Usagi pulled back and dangled his keys in front of him.  
  
"Gotcha," she said laughing as she sprinted as quickly as she could towards his very classy silver BMW convertible.  
  
"Serenity!" he yelled.  
  
Usagi vaulted into the driver's seat... and found herself suddenly sitting on Diamond's lap. She made a small sound of surprise, and spun around to face him. She met his violet eyes and found herself suddenly thinking of Duo.  
  
"I think you need to move, kind sir," she said loudly.  
  
"Of course. I was hoping to get here before you, but apparently I was delayed in my efforts. Drive on, Lady Serenity."  
  
He teleported into the passenger seat and buckled the seatbelt snugly around his waist, which Usagi was having a hard time ignoring. Dammit! She knew there was a reason that she hated body shirts! They were so detrimental towards concentration on something OTHER than a beautiful guy's upper body... and Diamond was definitely- NO! She gave herself a hearty mental slap and slammed her foot down on the gas.  
  
They roared down the highway, their hair streaming behind them in silver and blonde waves. Usagi randomly stabbed radio buttons, and then finally settled to "Light My Fire" by The Doors.  
  
Diamond looked very much like he was going to be very, very sick. "Are you TRYING to make me puke?" he howled miserably over to Usagi, who completely ignored him.  
  
The duo finally reached the dealership (much to Diamond's profound relief). Usagi opened the door and stepped stately out onto the asphalt. A man in a suit was instantly at her side.  
  
"What can I do for you, ma'am?"  
  
Usagi surveyed the lot, and immediately found the car she wanted. She wanted a stomping car. She wanted a car that could kick the asses of all other cars on the road. Before, she had gone for the car that could literally destroy a smaller car-but she had just seen the car of her dreams.  
  
It was a tiny black Porsche convertible with beautiful beige seats and the most gorgeous sound system she had ever seen. The dealer looked over at her.  
  
"I take it you want that one," he commented with a laugh.  
  
She looked glacially at him and informed him that she wanted to close the deal on the car of her dreams.  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi parked her car by the front sidewalk of her house and let out a long suffering sigh. Her life was so goddamn hectic that it wasn't even qualified as a cosmic joke anymore. She pocketed her keys and walked up to her door. Unlocking that, she crept inside. You never knew who was in her house.  
  
What she saw made her smile. There was no one there. Perfect. She walked into the living room and picked up any stray socks. Then she continued up towards her room. Usagi pushed the door open and walked over to her dresser. She pulled it open and sighed. A pair of Duo's boxers smiled up at her. She pushed them aside and slipped into her gray workout shorts and her white spaghetti strap. She shoved her feet into a pair of dark blue slippers and began gathering up the various shirts, boxers, socks, pants, shorts, papers, and anything else that was a reminder of Duo in her home.  
  
Once she had collected all of that, she walked outside and very carefully dug a large hole. She ringed that hole with blocks of granite and then dumped all of his clothes into the pit. Then she took out a canteen of kerosene from the tool shed and poured it all over the clothes. She placed the kerosene down by the back wall of her house, and then pressed her back against that same wall. Usagi let out a heavy sigh and slid down until she was sitting on the dirt. She opened the box of matches and took one out. Lighting it, she flipped it into the pit of clothes. It ignited with a roar, and she watched the clothes burn blankly, letting the flames dance in her dark eyes.  
  
Was it enough? Would it ever be enough to forget do? Would anything ever be enough to forget him? She hoped so. She hoped so, because there was no fixing what had been done. But she could try. So she let it burn.  
  
After a while she reached over and pushed play on her CD player. "Thanks, That Was Fun" by the Barenaked Ladies came drifting out of the speakers as she watched the fire. She shifted, and then pulled a card from beneath her. It was a thank you card from Duo-a thank you card simply saying thank you for being alive. She blinked back sudden tears and tossed it into the flames. Then the song was over and she burnt that too.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_____________________  
  
*I have no idea what her maiden name is! Cut me some slack here!  
  
Meh. So how'd y'all like it? I thought it was kinda cool, but hey. I'm biased. I have more recommendations! In addition to reading watergoddess' fics, you've gotta read some stuff by Robin the Jarbog. Kind weird stuff (creepy weird), but VERY good. Ehm. reviews are always appreciated, and critique is always helpful! 


	6. In Which Many Things Happen

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Six  
  
  
  
  
  
LAST TIME:  
  
  
  
  
  
Jesus, what DID happen last time? I just re-read that chapter, too! Um. Let me think about this. *thinks* [five minutes later] Oh yeah. I remember. Usagi gets a visit from Ami and Yohji, and some freak kid who sounds a lot like he's either some mythical being out to get her or very seriously high. She then promptly decides that life is getting WAY too hectic and decides that some changes are in order. As a result of this long overdue decision, she makes plans to visit the leader of a large crime ring led by her Great-Aunt Elizabeth, whom currently resides in a large London estate. After her parents get over the shock of her choice (let alone the fact that she KNEW her mother had once been in a crime ring and had at one time been a major-time player in the game of hearts), Usagi heads home and burns everything that she still has of Duo's. Oh yes. She also buys a new car, because her poor Jeep was TOTALED in the wreck. Party on, dude.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm trying to get this finished by Christmas guys, hang in there, PLEASE! It's hard working under a deadline! I bow to the rest of you out there that are trying to crank out those Christmas stories along with me!!!! HA! Right, you laugh at my attempted Christmas story.. I figured that this story qualified, because it's going to have a really cute and sappy ending (As much so as I can make it, which is definitely not a guarantee) ON CHRISTMAS EVE. So HA! I win! *sticks tongue out at non-believers of the fact that Lily can write a Christmas story*  
  
  
  
  
  
********  
  
  
  
  
  
"USAGI!"  
  
Someone pounded on her door. Usagi groaned and rolled over. Where the hell was she? She struggled to open her eyes, and then gave up after a while. Let her senses roam. Like the Indians. Prompted by this encouraging thought, she tried to figure out where she was-without the ever helpful assistance of her frigging eyes.  
  
Okay. Wherever she was, it was cold. And it was kind of bumpy. And there was a bottle of something next to her. And. And. And. That's as far as she got, because the pounding resumed again.  
  
"USAGI AI TSUKINO! WAKE UP AND GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"  
  
This interruption would not be tolerated! Usagi struggled to her feet and cracked her eyes open just a little. The light bled into her vision, making her swear loudly. She clutched at the side of her house and walked unsteadily towards the pounding noise. Whoever knew her middle name and was pounding on her door was going to get a lapful of barf as soon as she got her hands on that person.  
  
She wobbled around the corner and was able to make out a shiny blonde head that was altogether too shiny to look at for long. Beside that shiny blonde head was another shiny black head, but that wasn't much better either because both of the heads made her eyes hurt. The two brown heads that were not shiny, on the other hand, did not make her eyes hurt. One of the brown heads was accompanied by a shiny blonde head-another one!-and was therefore taken out of her good book.  
  
The first shiny blonde head pounded on the door again. "GET OUT HERE, USAGI AI TSUKINO! DON'T MAKE ME KICK YOUR DOOR DOWN!"  
  
Usagi swore as loudly as her delicate state was capable of. "Jesus Christmas you goddamn bastards! Can't you my god I think aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggg leave a poor girl alone in the morning, dammit?"  
  
The second shiny blonde head leaped towards her, which was a very unnerving sight for poor Usagi. She stumbled backwards and waved her arms desperately. "My eyes! Oh JESUS my eyes! Sweet Jesus, take it away!"  
  
She lost her balance, and was barely saved from falling backwards by the shiny black head. Usagi squeezed her eyes shut and pulled herself upright. Fumbling her way towards her door, she bumped into someone. She cracked an eye open and was relived to find that it was one of the brown heads. Usagi brought a silly smile to her face and then passed out.  
  
  
  
  
  
The next time she woke up she felt like Hell warmed over. Her eyes opened more quickly this time, and it didn't hurt nearly as much as it had the first time. There was a ring of concerned faces above her, which made her kind of nervous.  
  
"Hey guys," she croaked.  
  
Minako felt her forehead. "Are you okay? I mean, we were kind of worried seeing you walk out from behind your house drunk off your ass."  
  
Usagi batted her hand away. "I'm fine," she said groggily, "I just had a little too much celebratory drink last night," she tried to explain.  
  
"Why didn't you tell us you were in the hospital?" Quatre demanded.  
  
"I didn't tell anyone!" Usagi snapped. "I don't know how Ami, Yohji, and that high kid found me! It was too embarrassing!"  
  
Wufei raised an eyebrow. ""That high kid"?" he questioned.  
  
Her face grew darker and she tried to sit (with little success). "Yeah, some kid came in and started babbling about how he was "put on the job" or whatever that means and how I'll "be the death of them all". It was weird, Fei-kun," she complained.  
  
"What was his name?" Quatre wanted to know.  
  
Usagi answered while doing her upper body acrobatics, or what she generally (and soberly) liked to call "sitting up". "Damned if I remember. Something that started with a "J". That's all I can remember. Damn, I don't remember anything except Ami, getting mad at Yohji, the roses, the high kid, and the daisies," she said, running a hand across her face.  
  
Hiiro's frown worsened. "You were drinking and driving."  
  
She glared at him. "Well what do you think? I was drunk, and all my friends deserted me to go off and get laid with their new boyfriends OR girlfriends while I'm sitting there in a fancy dress drunk off my ass and feeling bad for myself! What do you EXPECT me to do besides nearly kill myself in a bout of stupidity? Gallivant off and sing "tralalalala" in a field of pretty pink flowers? No!"  
  
"I didn't think there were any fields of pink flowers in the middle of Tokyo," Hiiro commented dryly.  
  
"And now I have a bad hangover and you're laughing at me!" she exclaimed angrily. "What the hell did you guys come over here for anyways? Jesus, you all sure know how to treat a girl," she said sarcastically.  
  
Wufei crossed his arms. "Usagi, that doesn't change the fact that you were drunk and driving! You could have killed yourself! Do you know what that would have done to all of us?" he asked, uncharacteristically quiet.  
  
Usagi started, and then sighed. "Aw, come on guys-"  
  
"How about this, Usagi," Quatre said fiercely, "if you drink and drive ever again, I will personally see to it that all those little secrets you told me find their way into eager ears."  
  
Minako gasped, spinning on Usagi with a twirl that made the blonde bunny's head gurgle its last breath and topple sideways. "You TOLD him?" she demanded.  
  
"Told him what?" Usagi asked in a panic, trying desperately to remember what, exactly, she had told her mildly evil blonde friend.  
  
"That you're-"  
  
"No!" Usagi shouted, yanking on Minako's blonde locks. "No," she repeated again, "I did NOT tell him that, even though he would have known in a second!"  
  
"Let go of my hair! And how was I supposed to know what you told him? I just assumed-"  
  
"My foot!" Usagi exclaimed hotly.  
  
"According to Ami, your foot is going to be treading English soil for the next few months," Trowa said mildly, waiting for the much desired and inevitable reaction.  
  
"WHAT?" was the collective cry of outrage.  
  
Usagi moaned and fumbled for the pillow, which Hiiro promptly captured and threw at the television, which made Usagi cringe. Quatre thumped her on the golden head.  
  
"Why are you going to England?" he asked tremblingly, with that mean serial- killer destroyer puppy dog face. Usagi felt her walls trembling, buckling, and then breaking down. Her lower lip began to tremble, and then she burst into tears.  
  
"I just can't handle this anymore! My life is a total mess! I messed up with Endymion, I messed up with Mamoru, I messed up with that one kid, I messed up with that one other guy, I messed up with Duo, I messed up with Yohji, I messed up with Diamond, I messed up with my family, and I'm no good to anyone because I'm just a good for nothing drunk who goes out with guys and makes huge scenes and drives cool cars! I'm worthless! I just need to get away!" she sobbed into Quatre's shirt.  
  
Hiiro, uncomfortable with this unusual display of emotion, scratched his chin and looked pointedly at the floor. Quatre, eyes soft, wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down. Wufei watched Usagi's shaking form uncertainly, like he didn't know what to do with this brand new side of the player. Trowa looked smug, which was a fact that pissed Minako off to no end. Why the heck would the man look so satisfied? Unless-- With this new thought, Minako sharpened her scenes, watching him for a few minutes, and then looked back at Usagi.  
  
Minako smiled softly and touched her friend's shoulder. "Sere, don't worry about it. No one's pressuring you to be with anyone. Just try being single. And I'm sure if you work hard enough, England will be just too much fun to worry about your problems," she said consolingly.  
  
Usagi raised her tearstained face and looked miserably at Minako, like it was just one more thing to add to her list of grievances. "Why is everybody calling me that lately?" she asked with a definite tremble in her voice.  
  
Her fellow female blonde furrowed her brow and took a visible mental jump back. "What're you going on about now?" Receiving a hiccupped sob from Usagi, Minako raised her hands up as if to say "stop, stop, stop!". "Are you meaning to say that you haven't looked in a mirror lately?"  
  
Now dejected, confused and a little nervous, Usagi shook her head minutely. "No, I've been drunk ever since I got home, and they didn't give me a mirror in my room, because they thought I might be suicidal, based on the other times I had been in there."  
  
"Then you don't know!" Minako gasped. "Usagi, that's awful!"  
  
"Know what?" Usagi nearly wailed. What the hell was going on here? Why were there so many things that she didn't know all of a sudden? It was driving her absolutely NUTS! She swore to God that one of these days she was going to get over her bout of depression and go homicidal and murder whoever gave the "go" for her life.  
  
Minako cast a look at the intensely curious boys and gently tugged Usagi away from Quatre, making the blonde take a lurching step to avoid falling. Usagi was NOT in a happy mood. Her life was NOT going well at the given moment. Minako yanked Usagi down the hall and whipped inside the tech room. She pushed Usagi into the swivel chair and dropped down into the rocking chair.  
  
"Usagi, what's the difference between you and Serenity?"  
  
Usagi pulled her long legs up onto the black chair and crossed them neatly beneath her. "Well, Serenity has silver hair. Mostly anyways. It's like a silver blondish. And she's got the mark on her head. And she usually has that mythical whore dress on. What?" she asked defensively to Minako's incredulous stare.  
  
"Whore dress?" the woman echoed with an amused smile.  
  
"Well... yeah. You didn't have to wear it! Half the time my chest was falling out of the damn top! And that stupid thing tore easily, too! It was a romance novel's dream come true, but-"  
  
"Enough, enough, enough! We're not here to talk about your whore dress! Usagi, you are Serenity! Check a mirror or something! You're Serenity, and you have been for a while from the looks of it! You can barely see the mark, and that's only if you know it's there!"  
  
Usagi's blue eyes opened wide. "You're joking," she said in astonishment, all traces of earlier tears gone.  
  
"No!"  
  
"You're joking."  
  
"No, I'm not!"  
  
"But that wasn't the Crystal," Usagi said with a quiver in her voice. On top of all things--!  
  
Minako raised an eyebrow. "What wasn't the Crystal?" she asked curiously.  
  
Usagi reached down into her shirt and pulled out the black rock. The shadow-play was still going on, this time with a more mature female shadow and a taller small figure. The woman bent down and kissed the other's head, but the small one moved his head and captured the woman in a kiss. This progressed, until- Usagi blushed scarlet and averted her eyes.  
  
"I thought this wasn't the crystal, since you know, this isn't what the crystal looks like, and in addition to that it's magic is almost wholly dark! Not evil, really, but dark. It's not the kind of magic Serenity or Artemis would put in their ultimate jewel. It fell onto my lap the other day and I asked to become Serenity. I guess I did. But here's the problem, Minako. This crystal's ten times as the old one could ever even DREAM of being, which is pretty damn powerful. This means I could kick the collective asses of ten Beryls without breaking a sweat! Don't you think there's something WRONG with that?"  
  
Minako bit her lip. "I don't know, Sere-chan. This would be something for Ami-chan to figure out. I'm not the brains of the bunch, remember?"  
  
Usagi sighed and leaned back against the chair. "I dunno-"  
  
She was cut off by the wail of the alarm. Minako shrieked and ran for the door. She yanked it open and ran into the hall. "Fire! Fire! Everyone run!"  
  
Usagi raced into the hall and leaped at Minako. "MINAKO! THAT'S NOT THE FIRE ALARM! THAT'S THE OTHER ONE, YOU DUMB SHIT! NOW COME ON!"  
  
Minako stopped thrashing around and stood perfectly stiff. "A youma alert?"  
  
Usagi sighed and touched her fingertips to her temples. "Hai. A youma alert. Are the boys still here?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. Let's transform! VENUS CRYSTAL POWER!"  
  
"Dammit, Minako! Moon Eternal Power! Jesus I hate this transforming-oi! Is it just me or is this transformation getting WAY shorter?" Usagi asked, yanking at the hem of her fuku skirt (if you could call it a skirt).  
  
"Oh my God," Venus gasped.  
  
"What now?" Moon demanded. Why did she have to fight with a hangover? Jesus Christ, someone out there really did have a death wish for her, and it wasn't someone very nice either!  
  
"Well find a mirror you dumbass! Your fuku's changed! The skirt's black, dark dark blue, and dark blue! Your bodice thing is this really light gray! The lining on everything is gold, but-"  
  
"V-babe, we don't have time for that. We've gotta fly, or else someone's gonna get their asses kicked,"  
  
Sailor Moon's communicator went off, making her groan. She flipped it open, and Mercury's face loomed in front of her. "Moon, get down here! Yohji's hurt, and, um, the other civilians are trying to shoot at it! I can't handle this alone! I'm not on the offence!"  
  
"Okay, I've got your position. We'll be down in a few seconds. Get your butt up Venus, we're going to be doing some sloppy teleportation here really soon."  
  
"Why me?" the other blonde begged.  
  
"Because we all love you," Moon quipped lightly before disappearing with her shaking cargo.  
  
There was silence in the house for a few seconds until some quiet swearing and shuffling could be heard. There was a muffled snort, and then a loud expletive. This was followed by a heavy sigh.  
  
"You've got to wonder how we miss these things," a depressed Quatre mumbled.  
  
*  
  
"This isn't very much fun," the youma said mournfully.  
  
Duo swore loudly and fired at it again. The distinctly female youma turned and glared at him, and then turned back to Sailor Mercury, who was holding her bleeding arm. The hateful look on her face was almost too much to handle. Yohji moaned in pain and tried to sit up, but Mercury pushed him back down.  
  
"Stay down. I'll take care of this thing," she vowed. "Smoking Mirror!" she cried. Thin pieces of smoking mirror crept out of her skin and then zipped through the air and entered the youma's body with tiny thuds.  
  
The youma screamed in pain and dropped to one knee. Someone let out a low whistle from above. "Okay Me-chan, that was definitely the creepiest thing I have EVER seen in my entire life, and that's saying something!"  
  
Moon and Venus dropped down from the sky. Venus hopped over and thumped Mercury on the back. "Isn't this cool? We keep on getting these new-"  
  
"Destructive," Moon said darkly.  
  
"-powers!" Venus continued, determined to look on the slightly gray bright side.  
  
"I'll kill you," the youma hissed, struggling to its feet. "I'll kill you!" it repeated with a furious scream.  
  
"Stuff it," Moon muttered before wings burst from her back and she pushed off the ground and pumped higher into the sky. "CLEAR OUT!" she bellowed. "Triple Beam!"  
  
The black energy acted much the same as it had last time, but this time something new happened. Once the youma had been completely obliterated, the access energy massed together and then came shooting back up at the utterly shocked Sailor Moon. She caught it purely by reflex and then screeched in pain.  
  
"Jesus H. Christ this stuff hurts like hell!" she yelped as she plummeted towards the ground.  
  
Black magic exploded in her hands and then formed into a small, crackling black sphere of energy. Moon touched down on the ground and touched it experimentally. The black energy snapped over her fingers- almost welcomingly. She almost smiled.  
  
"Okay, that's got to be the second weirdest thing I've ever seen. Dammit, I wish the crap would quit doing weird things like that! I mean, my magic needs to make up its frigging mind on what the hell it's going to do. I kinda like it this way though, because this way I don't blow any five mile holes in the ground, you know? Oi, Me-chan, that was an awesome attack! Where'd you learn it?"  
  
Mercury looked darkly at Moon. "Probably the same place Mars, you, and Venus learned theirs. What's with the new fuku? And why is the Crystal black?"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Moon said, turning her nose upwards.  
  
"What she means," Venus said helpfully, "is that she hasn't got the faintest idea."  
  
"Gee, thanks V-babe."  
  
"Anytime!"  
  
"I swear to God Venus-"  
  
"Children!" Mercury snapped. Once she had their attention she continued. "Moon, can you heal Yohji-kun? Onegai?" she pleaded with her deep blue eyes.  
  
Moon snorted. "That's the least I can do for him," she said with a smile.  
  
The blonde walked carefully over to the man, who was nearly delirious from pain. Moon bent down and placed her hands above his chest. She made a little face at him, and then concentrated. She began to glow a bright silver. Then the black and gold cords began snapping through it. The small pet that Moon had apparently adopted flashed a warning silver. Moon glanced up and nodded, clamping her power down until it was a steady silver once again.  
  
She let out a steady breath and then let her power pour over the man. He began to glow a color similar to hers, and then suddenly he sat up with a gasp. Yohji looked around, and then his eyes landed on Sailor Moon, who was grinning cheekily at him.  
  
"Ohayo," she said with a laugh.  
  
"U-"  
  
The impending word was cut off by three sets of hands going over his mouth. He rolled his eyes and pushed their hands away. "Ladies, there's man enough of me to go around! Share!"  
  
"You WISH you were man enough-" Sailor Moon began.  
  
"Excuse me, but my friend over here is hurt pretty badly. Can you help her, please?"  
  
Sailor Moon looked up and found herself looking right into Duo's eyes. Those eyes made her stop and forget to breathe for a second, but then Mercury coughed loudly and Moon snapped out of it.  
  
"Sure, sure, sure. Of course you'd want me to heal Saori," she muttered.  
  
"How did you know her name was Saori?" Duo asked in surprise.  
  
Moon didn't hesitate. "I know everything," she said importantly. That I need to know, she added mentally. And I know everything that has ANYTHING to do with me, even if you don't know that, she commented to him in her mind.  
  
She made herself walk towards the bleeding Saori, who was laying on the ground somewhere. Moon forced herself to take a step back and look at the situation. There was an injured civilian. She was the hero. It was like community service. To an uncharitable bitch, her mind began grouchily-but then all unkind thoughts fled from her head when she saw the woman. Saori was crumpled on the ground, bleeding heavily from the head. There was a small blue orb dancing above the head wound, which was glowing bigger by the second. Her arm was bent at an odd angle, and Moon thought with a lurch that she could see part of the bone. Her legs had heavy lacerations, and her breathing was very shallow.  
  
Moon let out a tiny gasp and sprinted the rest of the way towards the severely wounded girl. Her blue eyes flicked over the still form, desperately trying to find a cure for all of this. She knew she could heal the psychical wounds, but she had no clue how do deal with the blue orb. Duo came up behind her, scuffing his feet.  
  
"Will she be okay?" he asked.  
  
She didn't even look at him. "You call this "hurt pretty badly"? Duo, this girl would die if I weren't here!"  
  
Duo winced and drew back. So it seemed that the superhero was capable of negative emotions as well. Duo didn't like this. His idea of a superhero was, well, perfection. They were supposed to be rich, kind, charitable, thoughtful, smart, and capable of anything. This mental image was rapidly becoming distorted, now showing a very real woman beneath the heroine. Unnerved, he took another step back.  
  
Moon bit her lip and held her hands out over Saori's body. The magic crackled around her without any further prompting, but the black bolts came more thickly and more quickly this time. Wind began to whirl around her, making her hair and skirt swirl around her body. There was a loud snapping noise, and the woman's eyes popped open. Then Moon's eyes widened and slowly filled with a kind of awe mixed with terrible fright. She squeezed her eyes shut again, and the black energy disappeared entirely. She then concentrated the power around her hands.  
  
Unexpected by all, there was suddenly an explosion of bright neon blue light. Moon cried out in pain as she was thrown backwards, crashing into Sailor Mercury, Yohji, and Sailor Venus. Mercury picked Moon off the floor.  
  
"Are you okay? What happened?" she asked worriedly.  
  
Moon's blue eyes narrowed menacingly. "I am having a miserable day," she announced, "and so am feeling very much like I will kick the ass of whatever is keeping me from healing that girl!" she said furiously, marching past the shocked Duo and kneeling down beside Saori again.  
  
"May I?" she inquired of the black globe floating above her. Its light throbbed twice, and she nodded. "How much?" It gave a small, uncertain glow. Moon tilted her head. "Not too much?" she guessed.  
  
It gave two enthusiastic bursts of light and zoomed higher above her head. Sailor Moon spread her hands out above Saori's form once again and called up her energy. She closed her eyes and then the black/silver power began flowing over Saori. The blue light crackled feebly, but was mostly silent. Then the light was gone, and Sailor Moon opened her eyes.  
  
"No way!" she gasped.  
  
The wound on Saori's head was still bleeding freely, and the orb had grown larger. "Mercury!" Moon roared.  
  
Mercury zipped over to Sailor Moon's side and whipped out her computer. Her nimble fingers danced over the tiny keyboard, blue eyes scanning the information. Giving a decisive nod, she closed her data computer with a snap.  
  
"That blue orb is really a type of egg sac for the offspring of that youma. It is feeding off of her life force and blood. Its roots are deeply entrenched in her mind. Moon, the only way to save her is to go into her mind, uproot that egg, and get out of there while Venus and I destroy the partially formed offspring."  
  
"They breed?" Venus asked in horror. "Since when?"  
  
Mercury frowned. "Since now, apparently. They have had no reproductive system in the past, which is what's confusing. Why do they have one now? What effect will this have? I mean, if who ever our enemy is can breed his youma, he or she or it might have a monstrous collection of baby youma which he will then train to become these terrifying fighting machines that will-"  
  
"Enough of this hypothesizing in front of civilians!" Moon commanded. "Just tell me how to get in there!"  
  
"Moon, there's only one problem," Mercury said tentatively.  
  
"Which is?" Sailor Moon demanded, craning her head around to fasten Mercury with an intense glare.  
  
"You, um, will be seen as someone else," Mercury said delicately.  
  
Moon's mouth popped open. "Are you serious? She'd-" she stopped, gave a quick look up at Duo, and then back at Mercury. "I'll do it anyways. She's not that bad anyways-I don't think she'd tell."  
  
Mercury shrugged. "Alright then. Just wish yourself inside, and that's just about it."  
  
Moon cracked her knuckles. "Alright then," she echoed cheerfully.  
  
There was a huge flash of black light, and then she was gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi opened her eyes to find herself in a child's play room. Well, she thought nervously, it could be worse. She heard an approaching whistle, and then shrieked in terror as a plastic train came hurtling towards her. She leaped out of the way, and found herself falling into a rather large pile of dolls. Panicking, she kicked out and connected with a body that didn't give. Frowning, she dug towards the body, and found herself looking into Saori's blank eyes.  
  
Growling to herself, she wrapped an arm around Saori's waist and kicked and pulled their way out of the pile. Once they were successfully away from the dolls, Usagi flopped Saori down on the ground and thumped her on the chest.  
  
"Wake up!" she commanded.  
  
Saori's gaze slid to the side. "Why?" she asked hollowly.  
  
Usagi narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, "why"?" she demanded.  
  
Saori's brown eyes filled with water. "Everyone hates me," she whispered.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Usagi asked incredulously.  
  
"I can't handle this," she said, ignoring the tears tracking down her cheeks. "Yohji was the only boyfriend I ever had, and now your friend Ami has him. My parents hate me because I just wanted to get married and have kids and not go to college. My job is worthless. My boss hates me. You hate me, and everyone listens to you."  
  
Usagi fished for words, trying to cope with what Saori was saying. Then she found it. "Guess what Saori? You're forgetting someone. Remember someone named Duo? He loves you."  
  
"But I don't love him," Saori said simply.  
  
Usagi sat back on her heels. "Well that settles it! You should snap out of it, if only to go get yourself a guy! Now me, I should be the one in this crazy doll house. My love life sucks, Saori. My work is great, but all the guys are trying to get with me now that I'm single. My parents think I'm some whore, but I don't care anymore because they think that the Easter Bunny is a metaphor for world peace. They think all wars would be ended by placing Easter eggs filled with chocolate in everyone's backyard. I went to college and got a degree in law, but never told anyone because they'd expect things of me. Well, and as for that last bit, you hate me! So aren't we even?"  
  
Saori gave a shuddering laugh. "Yeah, I guess so. But Usagi, I just have one question for you. Why are you dressed like an angel and a princess?"  
  
"What?" Usagi asked, startled.  
  
She reached up a hand and ran into feathers. Her fingers went to her forehead, and she felt the warmth of the glowing insignia. Usagi glancing down and found herself wearing her princess dress-which was a dark gray. She ran her fingers through her hair (which was still down to her middle back) and laughed ruefully.  
  
"This might surprise you Saori, but I'm the legendary Sailor Moon. This is my princess form. Kind of, anyways. My dress isn't usually gray. It's supposed to be white, but I think I messed it up somehow. Hey, how's this for a deal. You come out with me, and I'll let you tell any one person that I'm Sailor Moon."  
  
The life came back into Saori's eyes and she sat up. "I'll come out," she agreed.  
  
"Great!" Usagi said gladly. Finally, they could get out of this place!  
  
"What do I call you?" her companion asked abruptly.  
  
"Huh? Oh. In this form I'm called Serenity."  
  
Saori cocked her head and smiled. "It fits you, oddly enough. You've got this inner strength that most people I know don't have. Lucky you," she said with a laugh. "Now let's go."  
  
She grabbed Saori's elbow, and then they were gone in a flash of black- silver light.  
  
  
  
  
  
Venus pounded the baby youma with her hammer repeatedly, and then let out a loud shriek when Sailor Moon's body exploded with a black light. When it died down, Princess Serenity was standing there looking severely disgruntled. Mercury and Yohji spun around and stared. Duo gaped. Saori stood up and grinned.  
  
"Nice entrance," she murmured.  
  
"Thanks," Usagi said sulkily. "Venus, what IS that?"  
  
Venus hefted the enormous hammer onto her shoulder and smiled proudly. "I don't know! I just wished for a very psychical attack, and this hammer appeared in my hands. I think it's a form of my Venus Crush, because this is apparently very heavy to whoever I'm smushing. I'm going to call the attack Venus Love Hammer. Hammy for short," she said patting it lovingly.  
  
"So how'd it all go?" Mercury asked Usagi before the blonde had an appropriate chance to respond wittily to Venus' love affair with her hammer.  
  
Usagi shrugged and slung an arm around Saori's shoulders. "Bah! I had to do some fast talking with this problematic person here, so it really was a great use of breath. But that's fine, because we're pals now, isn't that right Ri-chan?"  
  
Saori laughed. "That's right, Ren-chan."  
  
Duo coughed politely, making all eyes turn to him. He flashed that smile at Saori, who smiled back politely. "You're really okay, right? I mean," he said turning towards Mercury, "there won't be any long term effects, right?"  
  
Mercury smiled impishly. "Well I don't know! I didn't do anything," she said crossing her arms.  
  
"Miss, uh, Moon? Is she alright?"  
  
Usagi waved her hand airily. "Oh, she'll be fine. Unless she's been scarred for life by the happenings, and I seriously doubt that. Saori's the strong willed type. See you guys!" she said with a jaunty salute as she vanished with her friends in a flash of now silver light.  
  
Duo blinked, grinned, shook his head, and then took Saori's hand. Saori squeezed it reassuringly and began walking with him. The woman mulled over the things that had happened that day. Who would have ever imagined that Usagi Tsukino was the great Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice? And who would have thought that she, Saori Urashima, would become friends with one of the most popular people in Tokyo. And she wasn't even kidding when she said Tokyo. Mention the name "Tsukino" anywhere and someone would know her, Saori reflected.  
  
Duo said something to her, and she smiled completely by reflex. Saori studied his profile as they walked. He felt her gaze, turned to her, and flashed that dazzling grin of his at her. She grinned back and squeezed his hand again. The break up could wait until later, when she had complete reign of her emotions. Yes, Duo Maxwell was almost the nicest, most assuredly the best looking, and of course the most fun man that she had ever met in her entire life. But he wasn't for her, and she was certain of that now. Deny it all they might, she thought with an aberrant smirk, the blonde superhero and the braided lady-killer were made for each other.  
  
Speaking of the blonde superhero.... She wouldn't tell anyone what she had learned when things came down from push to shove.  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi, Minako, Ami, and Yohji watched the two walk away. Usagi let out a loud laugh as soon as the two were out of sight. Yohji nearly jumped out of his skin.  
  
"Don't do that! You have no idea how terrifying it is when you laugh like that," he complained.  
  
"Oh go kiss Ami," Usagi said with a laugh.  
  
Needing no other excuse, he swept Ami into his arms and planted a kiss right on her lips. Ami let out a muffled squeak, and then wound her arms around his neck. Usagi and Minako glared jealously at the couple and then turned their backs on them in a huff.  
  
"Jesus, you think they'd have some common decency," Usagi complained.  
  
"No kidding! Get a room or something! We don't need to see it!"  
  
"Scandalous."  
  
"We should tell someone," Minako said thoughtfully.  
  
"That Ami's become a little deviant?"  
  
"A public kisser?"  
  
"Or that," Usagi agreed.  
  
Minako laughed merrily. "Oh, the public will be scandalized! Those poor civilians!"  
  
A glint came to Usagi's eye. "Speaking of civilians," she muttered, marching towards the embracing couple. She yanked hard on Ami's shoulder, bringing the blue haired girl back to her senses.  
  
""The other civilians"?" Usagi quoted calmly and quietly.  
  
Ami giggled nervously. "Well, yes. You wouldn't have come so willingly if you had known it was Duo and Saori," she explained.  
  
"Are you calling me irrational and capable of holding grudges?"  
  
"Well.... no, I'm just saying that you might be a little angry-"  
  
"Ami, have you heard the words "public scandal"?"  
  
"Usagi! I'm just saying that maybe you might be feeling a little uncharitable towards Duo and-"  
  
"TAKE THE PLANS AND RUN MINAKO!" Usagi yelled, thrusting a bundle of photos at Minako, who immediately began running towards the relative safety of anywhere but where Ami was.  
  
"What were those?" Ami demanded, advancing on the laughing Usagi.  
  
The threatened blonde looked around quickly for escape. "Uh.. Just some photos of you.... And Yohji," she muttered.  
  
"USAGI!" Ami shrieked.  
  
Their picture was taken for Tokyo's Finest Moments calendar. The picture clearly showed two pretty blonde women running through a large courtyard in front of a large business building. One of the woman (who is holding some photographs) is clutching her sides and laughing, and the other (identified as "Usagi Tsukino", a well known Tokyo bombshell) is looking back and laughing at a blue haired woman who is shaking her fist and falling through the air after being tripped by a tall man with black hair and blue eyes. This comic group is followed by a handsome man identified as "Yohji Kudou", who is completely ignoring the chaos in front of him and trying to read a map. This snapshot is correctly titled "The Feet of Women", in accordance with the quote at the bottom:  
  
""MY OWN GOOD" MY FOOT! I'LL BITE YOUR FEET OFF! I'M NOT-GAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
  
We are assuming she said this while she was being tripped. 


	7. The Good, the Bad, and the Stupid

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
  
  
  
  
Last time: things happened. Some of them were good, and some of them were bad.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There were only a very few things that irritated her, Usagi Ai Tsukino, in the world. These things weren't necessarily evil or bad in any way, they simply made her become faintly reminiscent of a nuclear warhead that is about to explode and put an end to our miserable existence on this earth. These infuriating things were generally called "pet peeves". One of those "pet peeves" was when men tried to make her feel inferior to them. The second was when her door wasn't closed completely. She would be a nervous wreck until she heard that click of the door closing. The third pet peeve was when good intentions went completely and infuriatingly wrong.  
  
Such as they had gone in this situation.  
  
"Quatre," she said carefully, as if she was talking to a stupid kid, "I'm going. If I don't, Aunt Elizabeth will go nuts and probably send a squadron of mafia hit men down here to kill us all. I'll leave a note mentioning your name, and then where would that leave you?"  
  
Her blonde haired companion scowled. "I'm not letting you leave. All you're doing is running away from a potential world-shattering ordeal. You know there are things here that need to be straightened out, and you're running away from them!"  
  
Usagi glared at him and kicked out experimentally at him. She was disappointed that his pilot reflexes were still in effect. He jumped back from her foot, and stared at her. Her lips drew back in a snarl.  
  
"I'm not running away from anything Quatre! Just because Saori's going to never mind I don't think-"  
  
"Usagi Ai Tsukino, if you don't talk right now I swear by God I'll rip you apart, find your diary wherever it is, and read it. I'm sure you don't want that now, do you?" Quatre asked quietly, looking for all the world like a kittenish Hitler.  
  
"Quatre!" Usagi gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"How much do you want to bet? You like bets, don't you, Usagi?" Quatre asked viciously.  
  
Color stained Usagi's pale cheeks like wine. Her lips went white from Usagi's effort to suppress whatever comment was trying to force its way out. Her eyes seemed to become darker and deeper.  
  
"I had hoped to part on good terms Quatre. I'm going to England to get away from you, my family, my friends, and Duo. I need time to think, and you've become my temporary enemy for trying to stop it."  
  
Quatre was amazed to find that he couldn't budge under the intensity of her eyes. Usagi sighed, deflated, and came forward to kiss Quatre lightly on the cheek.  
  
"I'll write every day, saa? Oh, don't look so shocked, Q-kun! You of all people should have known that I wasn't going to be stopped by anyone. Now, if Saori-chan stops by anytime during the day, be entirely comfortable with her. And Quatre," she said before she had walked completely out the door, "please don't let Mamoru, Minako, and Hiiro do anything bad to my house, okay? I'd really like to come home to, well, a home. Okay?"  
  
The blonde boy had only opened his mouth when the brown door had slammed and Usagi was running full out to the car. He stepped quickly over to the window, and glared long and hard at the silver haired man driving the convertible that Usagi was loading her bags into. Saori was in the car with them, along with Yohji and Ami. Quatre felt the floor giving way below him, and he gladly succumbed to weak knees.  
  
What in God's name was going on? Yesterday Usagi had been ranting about what a witch Saori was, the last time he checked Yohji was being his normal playboy self, and Ami was studying. Before that Usagi's hated enemy Mamoru Chiba was in jail for dealing drugs, and now he was house-sitting for her! A few weeks back Duo and Usagi had been a perfectly normal couple, and Quatre's life was just hunky dory. WHAT HAD HAPPENED?  
  
"Usagi happened," a small voice said sorrowfully.  
  
A completely shell-shocked Quatre lifted his head up and looked at the small boy sitting in front of him with completely uninterested eyes. The small boy rearranged himself and then bowed his head. He then looked back up at the still uninterested Quatre, and sighed.  
  
"It's a type of law. Much like Murphy's Law, which states that the worst possible thing will happen at the worst possible time in the worst possible place, Usagi has a law all of her very own. This law is now coming into effect. See, Usagi is what we in the Department of Supernatural Love call a Type A. That means that she is a cross-dimension love. This essentially means that she is automatically a contestant for the spot of every man's "true love". Usagi is like a wild card in the world of love. Everyone every born is already destined for another person, and that law does not exclude Usagi. But since Usagi is somewhat a freak of nature in this respect, in that she can replace any other "true love" and make everything still be right, but then this kicks out one other female. This completely throws the system out of whack. The lines are going haywire with wishes asking for "true love". We can't screen everyone, and so eventually people are going to be disappearing from their worlds and then reappearing in this one, looking for Usagi! This can't be allowed! Quatre Winner, we are either going to have to find Usagi's true love, or kill her. Good day."  
  
Quatre stared at the empty space for quite a while longer, and then blinked very slowly. That was pretty damn funny, he decided, before fainting.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I hate airplanes," Usagi declared.  
  
Saori looked around at her from the back seat. "Oh come on, you know you're just saying that because you're going to miss us all when you're in England! Planes are wonderful! They can fly-"  
  
"I can do that by myself!"  
  
Ami smiled hopefully at her from Yohji's lap. "You can stay here instead, Usagi-chan. You don't have to go on that plane. Who knows? It might crash, or blow up, or you might even get stranded on an island and die from malnutrition and dehydration. Usagi? Are you alright?"  
  
Usagi's face had turned a nasty green color, and she was gripping Yohji's sleeve like someone would grip the steering wheel. "Ami," she said in a tightly controlled voice, "please don't say things like that, or I really will do something you're going to hate me for."  
  
Yohji gently pried Usagi's perfectly manicured nails off of his sleeve and placed it back in her lap. "Now, now, Usagi, Ami-chan was only trying to make you not go on the flight. You know that won't really happen-"  
  
"With my luck it will!" the blonde girl muttered through her tightly grit teeth. "I've only been on a plane once, and do you know what happened? Everyone got food poisoning! After that, the stewardess tried to hijack the plane, but then Sailor Moon appeared and beat the living daylights out of her because everyone else was unconscious because they were willing to eat the nasty slop but Sailor Moon only ate a little bit of it because she had a delicate stomach and had a severe headache and used this as an excuse to bludgeon that stupid stewardess nearly to death, which made Sailor Moon a very happy little superhero with a headache!"  
  
Usagi paused, and then smiled cheerily at Yohji, Ami, and Saori, who were all staring at her in disbelief. "Anyway," a delighted Usagi continued, "the last time one of my friends went on a plane, he was killed. Oh don't worry," she said quickly in response to Saori's horrified gasp, "I brought him back to life- hey! I gotcha Ami! I can't freaking die! Mom will just bring me back to life. And if she doesn't, that damned Crystal will. Actually," she said with a speculative look toward her wallet, "I'm not sure if this stupid thing will bring me back to life or not. I haven't tried it yet," she said with a sigh.  
  
Diamond frowned at Usagi in his rearview mirror. "What do you mean, Usagi? I will be very upset if you've done something to the Crystal. I'm back here to make sure you don't do anything stupid, you know."  
  
Usagi laughed and placed her sunglasses on the top of her head, arranging the glasses as stylishly as possible. "I didn't do anything that I'm aware of. I know someone that owes me a big favor. I can always ask him to ask his mom about it. Besides, what stupid thing could I possibly do?"  
  
Everyone gave her the exact same look, and she cringed. Okay, so she knew that maybe she wasn't the most reliable person in the world. And she knew that sometimes she acted like a dithering idiot, and that sometimes she seemed like a shallow, superficial blockhead that didn't think about anything except for cars, boys, and clothes. And sometimes when she actually gave it a serious moment's thought, it hurt.  
  
Usagi turned her eyes to the side and watched the scenery fly by at seventy miles per hour. It sometimes just looked like a seamless blur, much like how her life felt much of the time. Propping her elbow on the side, she rested her chin in the palm of her hand and thought.  
  
It was time to do some serious soul searching. She had been putting it off long enough. It was time to create Usagi Tsukino anew- or was it time to stop all creation and be created? Apparently she wasn't cut out to be God, she thought with a faint trace of humor.  
  
What to do in England, though? For starters she could take a tour, and learn something about the place that she was going to be staying in. Then she could go on a serious guy hunt, and then chat it up with her Aunt. Then she could try to find something out about her mother's past- that, according to ever family movie ever made, was much fun. And then maybe (just maybe, mind you) she could learn something about those rich, upper class manners. She knew a lot from being Serenity, of course, but some of her memories were seriously impaired. Also, her manners were learned from the viewpoint of a princess, so a commoners' learning would be much different.  
  
"-when you're in England?"  
  
Usagi shook her head and smiled sheepishly. "Excuse me? I wasn't listening."  
  
Ami gave her that "all-knowing" look and smiled indulgently. "I was just asking who you were going to say with while you're in England."  
  
The small blonde rolled her shoulders back, and leaned against the hot leather seats. "I'll be staying with my Aunt Elizabeth. She wants to introduce me to all sorts of relatives. I have this one cousin, apparently, who's a complete idiot and is staying at a school quite a ways away, but they're pulling him back home for my visit. Just what I wanted, ne? To meet my idiot cousin."  
  
Saori laughed and readjusted her own sunglasses. "Well, what's his name?"  
  
Usagi sighed irritably. "Saori, he's a whole lot younger than we are. He's only about sixteen! Anyways, I don't know the name. It's like Dunhill, or Dirtpile, or Dursleaf, or something like that. It begins with a 'D'," she said helpfully.  
  
Yohji snickered. "Well aren't you informative," he said sarcastically. "I'll know not to ask you for information in the future. Ow! No hitting!"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Right. Just don't hit."  
  
"Yohji, quit taking hallucinogens. I hear sometimes they make you have flashbacks, and who know what happens to people like you when you're high on-"  
  
"Usagi!" Ami cried, scandalized.  
  
"Gomen," Usagi muttered insincerely before pulling her sunglasses back over her eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I still don't see why she had to go," Wufei complained, setting his coffee mug down on the table.  
  
Hiiro stared at him, and then turned back to his paper. Minako, who had her head on his shoulder, straightened and smiled consolingly at him.  
  
"No worries, Wufei-kun. Sere-chan just needs to get away from everyone for a while."  
  
"She's just trying to get away from Duo," he muttered bleakly.  
  
Minako grinned and took a drink out of her own mug. "No doubt about that. The only ones who haven't figured that out are Usagi herself and Duo. And the only reason Duo doesn't know is because he wants very much to forget Usagi." She leaned over and plucked the "Life" section of the newspaper from Hiiro's discard pile. "And we all know that's impossible. Jeez, some people have killed because of that girl," she said with a shake of her head.  
  
"He also has no idea she's leaving," Wufei pointed out, choosing to ignore that last comment.  
  
Minako paused, and then flipped open to the movies section. "And then there's that, too," she said as if she had known all along.  
  
"We had better not be the ones to tell him," Hiiro finally said quietly.  
  
Wufei frowned. He and Duo didn't always see eye to eye on things, but Duo was still his ally and friend. "Why shouldn't we tell him? Doesn't he deserve to know?"  
  
Minako frowned at him. "Well what do you think? If he finds out that we knew she was leaving and didn't tell him he'll either go psycho and kill us all, he'll get a clue and go after her, or he'll say fine, go home, and then go and cry like a baby." Then she laughed. "And who would have thought that Miss Perfect Usagi Tsukino would be a major-league heartbreaker? Ugh. I can't wait to get away from this city," she said crossly.  
  
Not expecting this comment, Wufei glanced over at Hiiro, who by all rights should have been exploding and begging Minako not to leave. The man didn't even flinch. He looked back over at Minako, who seemed to look pained, like she had been hoping for a reaction. Well, that made sense. He himself had set up tests for Usagi to prove her love for him. She had failed them, which was a fact that still sometimes made him hurt at night. But he knew, just like everyone else, that she belonged with Duo.  
  
It was just a matter of making them see that.  
  
"Guys?" Quatre said weakly from the door.  
  
The three people in the room looked up at either a very tired or very high Quatre in curiosity. The blonde plunked down in a chair beside Wufei and then dropped his head into his hands. Then Quatre made a very strange sound, which he had probably picked up from Usagi. The sound was somewhere between a gargle and a sigh. Yes, Wufei decided, it was very definitely a Usagi sound. It was probably brought on by Usagi, with their luck, he thought sourly.  
  
"Quat-kun, what's wrong?" Minako asked worriedly, touching Quatre on the shoulder.  
  
He raised his eyes, and Minako was struck by how possessed he looked. Like in the cartoons, when they looked up through their bangs and had those creepy shadows over their eyes. Geeeeeyyyyyyyaaaahhhhhhhh, she thought nervously. He looked like a wreck!  
  
"Quatre?" she asked nervously.  
  
"We have a problem," he said finally.  
  
Hiiro set his paper down. "And what's that?" he asked seriously.  
  
Quatre got a very strange look on his face. "There is a little boy loose who can disappear and reappear, or can run very, very, very quickly. He is very young. He is very small. He knows Usagi. Oh yes, speaking of Usagi. Has she left yet? I need to tell her to fall madly in love with someone before she accidentally gets herself killed by a small child who can disappear," he said as an afterthought, and then collapsed face first onto the table.  
  
Minako reached over and rapped her knuckles against Quatre's head. There was no response. She sighed, and then sat back in her chair. Without saying anything, she turned back to her movie section and began reading again.  
  
"Well aren't we going to do anything?" Wufei demanded.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because this happens all the time."  
  
"Injustice," he muttered angrily, before getting up to pour himself some more coffee.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I hate planes," Usagi repeated before buckling herself in.  
  
"It's okay," the boy beside her muttered. "I don't like them much myself."  
  
The blonde turned her head and gave the boy (who was only about fifteen or sixteen) a very lofty stare. "And who, may I ask, are you? And why are you talking to me? Have I met you somewhere before?"  
  
The boy scratched his black hair. "Uh, no, I don't think so. I'm Harry Potter, miss. I'm talking to you because I hate planes, and no, I don't think I've ever met you before this very moment."  
  
Usagi grunted. "Well, I suppose that's alright, then. If I had met you somewhere before I was going to-but that's not the point, now, is it?"  
  
Harry grinned. "No miss, it isn't. What's you're name? Were you born in Japan? What do you do for a living?"  
  
She actually laughed, and then looked around guiltily. "My name is Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino," she said with a half bow from her seat, "and yes I was born in Tokyo and have lived there all of my life. I fix and rebuild cars for a living. I haven't gotten around to working on my new car yet. My last was totaled," she said with deep regret.  
  
Harry tried not to grin. "What happened to you last car? What kind was it?"  
  
Usagi sighed and fidgeted in her seat. "I was drinking and driving. I crashed my beloved Jeep, and then got this nice convertible. Thing is that I hate convertibles, but I got it because I was going to prove to myself that a convertible could be cool if it tried very hard. It hasn't worked yet, since I haven't gotten my friend Hiiro over to help me with it. It'd be nice if Duo could help- bah!" She shook her blonde head angrily. "I've got to stop thinking like that. How about you, Harry? What are you doing in Japan? What school do you go to? What's your favorite subject?"  
  
Harry paled considerably. "Erm," he floundered.  
  
She grinned and tapped her temple. "Let me guess. You go to a famous school for magic, and enjoy the classes that show you how to fight evil, correct?"  
  
Relieved, Harry nodded. "Yeah. I'm glad you know about it. I was sweating bullets right there! I've never had a conversation about school with a muggle, which I assumed you were, before. Did you go to Hogwarts too, Miss Tsukino?"  
  
Usagi stared at him from beneath a calm mask. What? What?? What??? What was this? An actual magic school? Where they taught defense against evil? Maybe she could get a job there! She knew all about evil! She forced a smile. Truth time.  
  
"Uh, Harry? I have a confession. I was just joking around back there. But, since you entrusted me with something that's probably forbidden, I'll entrust you with this. Ever heard of Sailor Moon?" she asked in a whisper. She was being very light with her Sailor Moon confessions lately, she thought with a scowl.  
  
Thoroughly mortified now, and frantic about what the Ministry was going to do to him, Harry nodded absently. Of course he had heard about the Sailor Senshi. Who hadn't? They only saved the world every day! But where was this going? He looked at the seriousness of the woman's face, and decided quickly that he knew what was coming.  
  
"You're Sailor Moon, aren't you?" he asked in a dead whisper.  
  
She nodded, and then sighed. "I hate it," she confessed. "I mean, I love the fighting, but dying just gets really irritating, you know? I mean, every year someone new is out to either kill me or marry me. It gets old really fast, since everyone gets the chance to kill me once. I think the only one that managed not to kill me was- ah, never mind. They all did," she said grumpily.  
  
Harry laughed. "I can't sympathize with actually dying, but I do know what it feels like to always be hunted. There's this guy named Voldemort, and he's always out for my blood. He's made an attempt on my life every year I've been at school. He killed this guy named Cedric, and also my Mum and Da," he said, finishing quietly.  
  
Usagi slipped an arm across his shoulders. "I know how you feel, Harry. In my past life- yes, I have had and remember a past life- my mother was killed by this woman named Beryl. I never new my dad, but I assume she killed him, too. She killed all of my friends, my fiancé, my people, and even my frigging cats. Luckily for me, though, I was reborn and got to kill her when I was fourteen," she said cheerfully.  
  
"You don't seem too upset over this Beryl woman," Harry said cautiously. He really hoped she didn't cry. He knew women who sometimes burst into tears spontaneously. He never knew how to deal with that.  
  
She shrugged. "Of course I don't. I was all upset over it at first, but then my reincarnated fiancé got busted for dealing drugs, I met Duo and his gang, and I met Yohji and his gang, I got myself a house, my ex-fiancé got out of jail and is now a test subject, my transformation is changed due to a mutation in my crystal, insane children are running around scaring the hell out of me and my friends, and I'm on my way to England to visit my Aunt, who's the leader of a crime-ring. Life's way too interesting to get upset about a past that died a long time ago. Learn all you can, grieve some, and then move the hell on," she said with a wink. "Know what I mean?"  
  
Harry grinned. He was glad that he had met this woman, as strange as she was. Wait until he told Ron and Hermione! He could picture him telling them. 'Yes, I met a crazy lady on the plane named Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino, and she lectured me about moving on after the destruction of everything. She offered me vodka, and I tried it, but thought it tasted gross. She laughed. I had a lot of fun.' Ron would say that he was bonkers, and Hermione would lecture him on drinking at his age. He laughed, and Usagi looked down at him in surprise.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"I was just thinking about what I was going to tell my friends when I saw them again," he explained.  
  
Her expression cleared, and she laughed as well. "I'll just tell my friends that I met a charming young man on the plane, and we drank vodka for a while before he barfed it all out into the barf bag. Yohji will then demand that I find this young man so that he can lecture him on how a man should hold his alcohol. The Mamoru will start a game of strip poker and lose on purpose, quickly followed by Yohji and then Minako." She sighed, and then groaned. "And I'm letting them baby-sit my house! What was I thinking?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You lose!" Minako squealed.  
  
Yohji sighed and removed his last article of clothing. Minako smiled brightly at him. "I'd compliment you, but Ami would throttle me. Isn't that right, Ames?"  
  
The blue haired woman who had removed ten of her bracelets and three pairs of socks, nodded. "Yes Minako, I would throttle you. And then I would beat you. And then I would call in Usagi and tell her that you had sex with Duo."  
  
A look of horror dawned on Minako's face. "No!"  
  
Ami nodded. "Yes Minako. I really didn't want to resort to your level of threatening, but being around Yohji, you, and Usagi so often has made a negative effect on my personality. I am now tempted to threaten you some more, but will refrain from doing so. It would be rude, and excessive. I will save that threat for later," she said with an evil little smile.  
  
"Ami!" Minako whined.  
  
"Minako! Get back to the game," Mamoru commanded.  
  
They played on in silence before Minako swore aloud. "I don't want to!"  
  
Ami arched an eyebrow. "Minako, I'm down to my bra, shirt, and underwear. Yohji's naked as the day he came into this world. Mamoru just needs to lose a shoe-why didn't you take that off before, by the way, and save your underwear? Never mind, I know. Face it Minako, it's either your underwear or your bra."  
  
"Ami! I can't decide which to lose! My FAVORITE bra, or my Hello Kitty underwear! Okay, I made up my mind. I'll lose my bra, because I just got these panties for Halloween-"  
  
"Why, may I ask, are you getting underwear for Halloween?" Yohji asked curiously.  
  
Minako shrugged and tried to hide a blush. "I think it was a dare. This smelly old man said that if we wore our underwear on our heads, he would give us each a new pair. I cheated though, and sat in a tree the whole time. Then I came back and the old man gave me these."  
  
Ami shook her head hopelessly. "Minako, you're crazy."  
  
"Ami-"  
  
Minako was cut off by the phone ringing. Sighing, she stood and padded over to the telephone. Holding it to her ear, she twirled the cord around her finger.  
  
"Yeah? This is the Usagi residence, I suppose. No, she's not here. I'm going to tell her you said that. Okay then, give me one good reason why I shouldn't. Oh! Hi Usagi! Um, we're watching music videos. Honestly. It's me, Yohji, Mamoru, and Ami. No. No! Eeeewwww. Oh, really? How old? Aw. That blows. Usagi! I'm hanging up! Right now, you little butt!"  
  
Minako hung up and came back to the game. "It was Usagi. I told her we were watching music videos. She's hanging out with a sixteen year old bishie, that cheating bastard," she said admiringly. "Now, don't forget. Music videos! Oi, speaking of bishies, I wonder how Saori's dealing with Duo?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Duo looked up as soon as he heard Saori enter the house. She came right over to him and sat down, curling her long legs beneath her perfectly muscled body. He frowned at her.  
  
"Where have you been all day?"  
  
Saori shrugged and picked up a Reader's Digest. "I saw Usa-chan off, and then went over to her house with Ami, Yohji, and Diamond. We met Mamoru and Minako there, and played a game of Twister." She paused, and then laughed. "Jesus, Usagi and them sure do like to play games. Their favorite is strip poker, but they were going to play that later, because Diamond and I didn't want to."  
  
Duo actually couldn't speak for a long second. Usagi's name still made him freeze. Would he ever-- He stopped that thought right in its tracks and focused on Saori's betrayal. How could she even associate with Usagi? Usagi was a playgirl, caring about nothing except looks and impressions. Saori was better than that, or so he had thought But if Usagi was such a bad card, why did he miss her? And if Saori was so great, why didn't he love her more? A great bitterness welled up like an infected wound in his heart.  
  
"Since when are you and Usagi such close friends that you "see her off" and then go play Twister at her house? And where were you seeing her off to?"  
  
She looked at him in surprise. "I thought you knew. I assumed that at least Wufei would tell you. Usagi's gone to England somewhere to "clear her mind" and "get away from it all". This whole break up thing is throwing her world into chaos, I think. Anyways, why wouldn't I be friends with her? She saved my life that one time, and anyone who's a friend of hers is a friend of her other friends, too. I haven't met the other ones yet. They're all famous, you know. She's buddies with Rei Hino, Makoto Kino, Michiru Kaioh, Haruka Ten'ou, Setsuna Meioh, and the Three Lights too, from what I've heard. She's certainly the odd one. I don't know what to make of her."  
  
Trying to hide the emotions that he was afraid were shown clearly on his face, Duo snorted and sat back in his chair. "I'm sure she surrounds herself with those famous people just to make up for her lack of success."  
  
Saori set down her magazine, and looked at him solemnly. "I've been thinking about how to tell you this, and I think that now is the best time, while we're both angry at the other. Duo, this isn't working out. I've been trying to make it work, but before I was friends with Usagi I felt like I was always living in her shadow. Now that I'm friends with her, I realize that I was trying to live in her shadow, though Usagi is at this moment trying her damndest to make that shadow disappear."  
  
The woman paused, as if expecting a response. How could he speak? Duo felt like he had been utterly robbed of breath. Was it possible for life to fall apart so completely? First Usagi, and now Saori? Was it some kind of giant conspiracy against his mental state and his love for anyone? His shock must have shown on her face because her face softened, and she sighed and stood.  
  
"She's hurting really bad, Duo, and she'll be the last one to admit it. She's a strong person. You should know that, from all your years together, unless you were too wrapped up in your image of each other to deal with what was beneath. You two are made for each other, and even if you don't get together, no one else if going to work for you. I've got to go home now, Duo. I hope we can still be friends."  
  
Standing and walking over to him, she leaned down to kiss him softly on the cheek. Then without another word she picked up her coat and keys and walked out of his apartment.  
  
Duo sat there for quite a while longer, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. Was it possible that Saori was right? No, of course not. Usagi had always been very good at fooling people, and this was just another one of those instances. Then something Saori had said resurfaced in his mind.  
  
"She saved my life that one time," he whispered to himself, and then everything clicked.  
  
Usagi was Sailor Moon. It all made perfect sense. Why she always kept that crystal nearby. Why she sometimes made references to the past that didn't make sense. Why she was reluctant to help Saori that one time. Why she always looked like she wanted to say something to him, but kept herself back. Why Yohji's eyes had lit in recognition when he had seen her. Why Saori was suddenly friends with her arch enemy after Moon had saved her life. Why Usagi sometimes looked like she wanted to cry when she looked at the moon.  
  
"Dammit Usagi," he growled, before grabbing his coat and dashing outside to hail a cab.  
  
He was going to Usagi's house to, hopefully, get some answers.  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi stumbled off the plane with Harry in tow. Both of them blinking at the sunshine, they staggered towards the baggage claim. Harry, Usagi was amazed to see, had lots of crap. Well shit, she thought with glee, so did she! They grabbed their bags (about five each, and Harry had one really big trunk too) and headed towards the street where their ride should be waiting.  
  
Sure enough, there was a sign that read "Tsukino/Potter". Usagi and Harry looked at each other in surprise.  
  
"Well I guess that's both of us, then!" Usagi said cheerfully.  
  
They lugged their bags over to the man, who silently led them out of the airport and to a very nice black car. He opened the trunk and placed their bags inside with a careless ease that made Usagi think longingly of her own garage. The man opened the sleek doors for them, and then slid into the driver's seat.  
  
The expensive quality ate at both woman and boy as they drove towards their Aunt Elizabeth's house. Silence draped heavily over the car's interior. The driver refused to speak, and any word that Usagi tried to utter sounded utterly ridiculous in the deafening quiet. It was a great relief to all three of the people in the car when they pulled up in front of the mansion. Harry gasped out loud, and Usagi grinned. Finally. Something she could relate to. She could relate very well to a big, rich, beautiful house.  
  
Usagi stepped daintily out of the car, and then yanked the spellbound Harry out with her. There was a tug on the hem of her skirt, and then a soft giggle.  
  
"Ossu, Usagi-chan" someone said softly  
  
Smiling, Usagi looked down. And then her smile melted from her face. "You!" she gasped.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Cliffhanger! *dances* Is that not the coolest thing in the world? I never knew how much fun it was to make cliffhangers with a "YOU!" as one of the last words! Wahoo! Alright! Good times have come again! *does Happy Fish On Tuesday Dance* This is too much fun. Can anyone guess who the "YOU" is? I don't think it will be TOO terribly hard, unless I'm a lot worse at writing clearly than I ever imagined. ALSO, I have one more VERY important announcement.  
  
I AM NOT EVER GOING TO POST EVER AGAIN UNLESS YOU READ AND REVIEW WATERGODDESS' FICS! They're really great, and deserve to be read. You know how damn hard it is to get reviews for original fics. I mean, I tried with my single chapter for Dedication, and well, can we say "Crap" really loudly? My other one.. Jesus, I can't even remember what it's called, did really badly too. There's just so damn many of them that they only get like three seconds on the front page, and if you're not on the front page you're in the abyss.  
  
AAAAAAAHAHAHA! And guess what! I have even more news! My parents are making me do something with myself other than the things I've been getting grounded for, so I joined up with Jazz Choir (yeah! ME in jazz choir!) and we're gonna go to this big clinic in April and compete. Know what else? Our choir sounds good when we sing! I'm not even joking! I'm an alto, and it's weird, because the soprano's notes are usually only a half note above ours, and so it's so hard to sing.... But enough about choir.  
  
Let's see, do I have anything else to ramble on about? I really don't think so, except for that if you haven't seen Cowboy Bebop or Inu Yasha, you better get into gear. Those are the coolest shows in the entire world, and I'm not even joking here. Oh yeah, and if you haven't read my fic Godforsaken and like kinda disturbing GW/SM crossovers, I very much suggest it. Hell, I wrote it and it's the creepiest thing I've ever read on ff.net that isn't some kind of bloody slasher gory fic. God, I just wrote a bit more of it and I'm not gonna be able to sleep for a long time now! You'd think I'd learn, but no.  
  
Also, if anyone has any good ideas, email me, IM me, or write it in the review. I'm always looking for fun new things to add in, and I'm also going to start on an Inu Yasha/Sailor Moon fic soon, so if you have any ideas for that, SAY SOMETHING! The basic idea for my fic is this: Usagi dies and can come back to life if she kills Naraku. She also discovers that she's a full blooded youkai because of her current family. That's the basics of it. So.... any ideas, anyone?  
  
  
  
  
  
THANKS TO:  
  
Kimeno-pebols: does this answer your question? Lol! And no, I'm afraid this is going to be solely a Duo/Usagi fic, gomen! Have any fun ideas on what to do with Usagi and Harry while they're in England, though?  
  
Lady Dragon 626: I'm glad you like the story! It's so much fun to read your reviews! *grin*  
  
Lunarian Amethyst: Lol, I'm glad I can make you laugh! That's my goal in life!  
  
Sapphireskies: seems like Lunarian Amethyst isn't the only one I can make laugh... I'm glad you liked my ending bit. I was listening to my BNL CD and went "hmmmm."  
  
Lilaclight: Don't worry! I'm planning on completing this one! I like writing this!  
  
Chibi-Morri: Wigs! You bet I pulled out the mafia! Really, did you expect otherwise?  
  
MistressCoCoLoVeR: Mafia Princess.. Sounds like fun, ne? Usa just can't keep her hands out of royalty!  
  
Celestial DreamBlaze: *smiles sheepishly* I have a tendency to, um, go all out sometimes. And yeah! A yacht would be fun! But a plot? A plot? There is no plot! *hides plot under the bed*  
  
Solarmistress17: I'll update, I'll update. No worries!  
  
  
  
  
  
THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! 


	8. Pandemonium Theory

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Eight  
LAST TIME: Usagi expressed her hatred for airplanes, met her cousin (HARRY POTTER), and wound up face to face with a miniature monster. Duo gets a clue and figures out that our dear hero is, in fact, a hero and speeds over to her house, which is being watched by Yohji, Minako, and Mamoru. Bad move, Usagi. But let's begin in England.  
Usagi took a step forward, and then a step backwards, her face carefully blank. The instant she had made eye contact with the child, her vision was suddenly eclipsed by a different image.  
  
Instead of the huge, sprawling estate there was a tall, skinny, fairy-tale type house with an overgrown lawn and a severely mistreated tree stretching its limbs to the top balcony. Everything was colored in mellow shades of gold and brown. The door opened in front of her, and Duo sauntered out of the house, grinning. His hands were in his pockets, and his head was cocked, as if he was waiting for her response to something. His mouth moved, and then his smile widened, and he held out his arms. Usagi began running towards him, and he caught her up in a hug and spun her around.  
  
The image suddenly shifted, and she saw herself sitting outside behind the house in the dark, an empty bottle of sake beside her. Her knees were hugged to her chest, and her chin was resting on her arms. Her eyes were glazed over and watery, and her face was lit by the soft glow of a dying fire. The blush of alcohol stained her face, and a tear dropped down her cheek like liquid lava, burning her flesh in its path. A bright shaft of sunlight cut through the vision, and then she was seeing the English mansion, Harry's concerned face, and the top of the boy's head. Harry was saying something to her, but Usagi tuned everything out except the boy. He lifted his head, but kept his eyes carefully to the right.  
  
"Usagi-chan. Wonderful to meet you again. The English air can do wonders for the soul. But only for so long," he murmured, his voice turning ominous at the end.  
  
She stiffened, her mind racing through all possible interpretations. What was this kid trying to say to her? That being here would be good for her, but only for so long, she supposed. Stupid kid! Trying to order her around like that- didn't anyone ever teach him to respect his elders? Intent on teaching him this golden rule, she raised her fist and took a step forward-  
  
-- and met his gaze again  
  
The brown and gold world folded in around her. She was suddenly in her bed, next to Duo. He was laying on his side, propped upright on his arm. He was gazing down at her with his warm cobalt eyes. She smiled up at him and kissed him lightly on the nose. Usagi suddenly remembered that morning with frightening clarity, and color began to seep into the browns and gold. It was the first time they had discussed their pasts- and their future together. Neither of them had said the actual word out loud, because that would be like committing it to reality. They had been so in love-  
  
"Stop," she croaked, digging her nails into her palms.  
  
"I suggest you make no other violent attempts, Usagi-chan. They will only end in memory, and I know you don't want that," he said calmly. Then he bowed to Harry, leaving Usagi to stand still and try to regain control of her emotions. "It was wonderful meeting you, Harry Potter. I've heard a great deal about you and your friends Ron and Hermione. I've also heard quite a bit about your escapades. You will have to trade adventures and sob stories with Usagi-chan and see who wins. It might be healthy for you both to know that you're not the only ones carrying the world."  
  
The small boy, who still looked to be only five or so, bowed politely and retreated inside the mansion. Now that she had gotten over the shock and the warmth of the memories, she was shaking with anger. What right did that kid have to just barge into her love life like that and drag everything up? Especially when she was trying to forget it all!  
  
"What was that all about?" Harry questioned, concerned. Usagi and the boy had been holding a staring contest. Usagi's face had gone white, and then had flushed red with rage.  
  
Usagi flinched, remembering Harry was there and had watched the whole thing. She tried to shrug it off. "It was nothing," she lied unsuccessfully.  
  
Harry was quiet for a moment, and then spoke. "When I was a baby Voldemort killed my mum and dad. He tried to kill me too, but I survived because of my mum's sacrifice. Ever since then people see me as "The Boy Who Lived", and are always bringing up my dead parents. I once found this mirror and it almost drained my soul away because I stood there in front of it wishing for my parents to come to me. I was saved by the headmaster. The point of this whole story is that I learned to live for the things that are in my life, and not the things that I can't touch or claim. I can see it in your face, you know. It's pride. Pride, and a lot of regrets," he said softly, in a rare moment of sudden insight into the peculiar look that haunted Usagi's face.  
  
Usagi's lofty look vanished, and Harry suddenly had a frightening view of the face of someone who had done many things that she shouldn't have, who had stayed silent when she should not have, who spoke when she should have remained silent, and who had held pride before them as a shield when they should have let all walls down.  
  
"I'll tell you tonight, okay kiddo?" she said quietly.  
  
He nodded reluctantly. It was the best he was going to get from her for now. Then something happened. Usagi instantly classified this something as "Not Her Problem but Would Probably Become Her Problem Very Soon" folder. To Harry it was like the world froze and then started up, but spinning in an entirely different direction.  
  
Somethings have a very peculiar way of happening to Usagi and (to some extent) Harry. The something that was happening at that very moment calmly stepped out of the car with his father and mother, and looked over at Harry, who was staring in slack jawed amazement. Usagi continued to look appreciatively at the something and then reminded herself that he was probably sixteen and therefore much to young for her. But it couldn't hurt to look, her mind whispered evilly.  
  
Of course, what used to be her conscience murmured graciously.  
  
Her personal devil cackled evilly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" the something asked Harry with a scowl. "I thought this gathering was only for the higher ranking families-not mudbloods such as yourself," the boy said with a sneer.  
  
Usagi felt very much put off. Of course the boy would have to go and ruin his good looks with a terrible attitude. But what was a mudblood? She scanned her conversations with Harry on the plane and suddenly had it. It was a term used for someone who came from... er. Well, it was an insult relating to his parents, which was really callous of the stupid kid.  
  
A small smile graced her lips. She hadn't gotten to verbally abuse someone in too long. Drawing a perfectly angelic glow to her face, she slipped her arm around Harry's waist.  
  
"Come on, Harry! Weren't you going to show me to my room?" she whined artfully.  
  
Harry choked and tried desperately not to turn bright red. "Uh-- er-- of course! Right! Erm, this way," he muttered, stumbling gracefully over his words.  
  
The fair skinned and haired brat scowled darkly at Harry and Usagi. Usagi made fleeting eye contact with the other teen and smirked at him, letting him know that she knew exactly what was going on. She felt the teen take a step forward, and then heard murmured words from his parents. A malevolent feeling grew behind her, and she almost laughed out loud. Then she thought about it, and then did laugh out loud. The anger behind her multiplied.  
  
"Well Harry, we've got him royally pissed. What do we do now?"  
  
"You follow me before you make any more trouble," a man said from behind her.  
  
Usagi shrieked in surprise, and spun around. Then she gasped, turned back around, saw who was there, and gasped again. By this time she was thoroughly confused and had no idea what the hell was going on anymore.  
  
"What are you two doing here?" she asked with great difficulty.  
  
Jadeite grinned charmingly at her. "Kunzite and I were commissioned by your formidable aunt Elizabeth. Have no fears, we are no longer interesting in avenging Zoicite and Nephrite. Beryl either, for that matter. We're not stalking you either. Let's just say that you being here is a perk," he said whispering the last bit in her ear.  
  
She went bright red. "Exactly what do you mean by that?" she demanded, really not wanting to know the answer. THINGS ALWAYS GOT SO COMPLICATED WHEN SHE DID THINGS! She really ought to learn not to move. Nothing ever happened if there was no movement involved. Following this theory, she had moved quite a bit and so there was a lot in store for her. Great.  
  
An arm went around her shoulder, carefully separating Harry and Usagi. "What we mean is that-"  
  
"They talk to much, and you're here to make sure that their mouths are full all the time," a new voice interrupted.  
  
Usagi nearly had a heart attack, and Harry was now experiencing a traditional Japanese nosebleed as a consequence of hearing the conversation. An old woman rose from a hole in the floor, laughing at the four expressions. The woman hobbled over to Jadeite and rapped him harshly on the knee.  
  
"Young man! Quit hitting on my niece! You too, Kunzite! I made a deal expressly to free you two from Mr. Luc, and if you two should care to return, I'm allowed my sacrifices back-"  
  
"No need, no need," Kunzite said hurriedly. "Jadeite and I will behave, to some extent. Is there anything we can do for you?"  
  
"Suck up," Jadeite muttered.  
  
He was dealt another whack from the woman's cane, this time on the shoulder. "He's smart! You two can go out and show everyone to their rooms. NOT Serenity!" she snapped, seeing them both turn towards Usagi, who was looking rather strange.  
  
"Yes ma'am," Jadeite muttered sullenly, before vanishing with Kunzite.  
  
Harry gaped. "Did they just disappear?"  
  
The woman shot him a look. "Get used to it, young man. Everyone in this family deals with God and/or Lucifer, is a witch or wizard, or is some kind of supernatural creature. You're going to be seeing a lot of strange things at this family reunion. Serenity, your parents are coming for the party, correct?"  
  
Usagi nodded, still with the strange look on her face. The woman looked at her sharply, and then snorted. "Young people," she said affectionately before disappearing.  
  
Harry turned toward Usagi, who he considered to be his first priority. "Are you okay? You look like you're in pain," he explained, fearing that she looked that way normally.  
  
With this, the tiny blonde burst out in a hysterical fit of laughter.  
Usagi and Harry were shown to their rooms separately, although Usagi was aware of two people skulking along behind her and the servant. The servant, whose name turned out to be Laura, whispered the password to get into her room into her ear and left her there alone. Usagi grinned widely and entered the room, making sure to slam the door in Jadeite's face. There was a yelp of pain from the other side of the door, and she smiled in satisfaction.  
  
She turned around to face her room and felt her stomach drop. It was gorgeous. She had a king sized bed with a white down comforter. There was little furniture in the room, but she liked it, oddly enough. The floor was polished hardwood, except for a light gray throw rug that was under and around her bed for about a foot. There were light white curtains, which were drawn shut. She set her suitcases down and crossed over to them.  
  
With a wide grin and a laugh, she threw them wide open, letting the sunlight spill into her building like a wave rushing into an empty ocean. Before her were two white French doors, which led to a circular balcony, on which was a small iron table and a beautifully crafted iron chair. She smiled. Yep, she could really get to like this place.  
  
There was a knock on her door. Usagi sighed at the interruption. Of course someone would interrupt her in her moment of peace and tranquility! She stomped over to the door and flung it open, making sure that her rage showed fully on her face. It melted away as soon as she saw who was there.  
  
"Chibi Chibi!" she cried, dropping down to hug the girl tightly. "Galaxia- chan is going to be very angry with you," she warned.  
  
Chibi Chibi smiled innocently, and then tugged Usagi out into the hall. A bright gold light filled the hall, and then died down. Usagi raised an eyebrow and laughed.  
  
"Your entrances are getting better, Galaxia-chan. What are you doing here?"  
  
Galaxia smiled warmly at Usagi. "I was invited by your aunt. She's a very influential woman, you know. She's provided her family to the Supernatural Dep. Of Justice several times, and even has some of her relatives working rather high up in the system. This is considered a very classy party, you know. "Lady Elizabeth is having a party," she said laughingly, mimicking someone she had talked to. "I asked who was going to be there, of course, and he went off about wizards, witches, Princess Serenity, some of Beryl's generals, Prince Diamond, Son Goku-"  
  
"I get the picture," Usagi said with a grin, dropping down again to play with Chibi Chibi. "So you decided to crash this party to, eh? Well, you need to meet my little cousin Harry. He's sixteen and a total bishie, which is really too bad."  
  
"How's Duo doing?" Galaxia asked absently, jangling the rings on her staff in front of Chibi Chibi.  
  
Usagi stiffened, and then tried to make her body relax. "He's fine," she said with a forced calm.  
  
Her friend wasn't fooled. "You broke up, ne?"  
  
Why was she so damn readable? Was there some kind of curse on her that let people know exactly what she was thinking? Were her acting skills getting so terrible? Impossible! Maybe people were getting to know her too well. None of this, however, changed the truth. And what was the truth? That she and Duo were no longer together. It was the truth, dammit! Why couldn't she just face it, like she had faced everything else in her life?  
  
"It's true," she said quietly.  
  
Galaxia put a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "You must be grieving," she said softly.  
  
Usagi's hands clenched. Chibi Chibi walked over to her and put her cool hands on Usagi's face and raised Usagi's head to look her square in the eyes. Then the little girl pried Usagi's fingers out of the fist and held both of her hands firmly.  
  
"No," she commanded.  
  
Usagi smiled, struggling to keep her eyes from growing watery. Why did everyone have to be so damn nice? It made her really uncomfortable. But at least someone cared. Usagi looked back up at Galaxia.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I am. I can't admit it to anyone at home, because they'd all to the "I told you so" dance. I had a ritual burning, but that didn't accomplish anything besides destroying several articles of Duo's clothing."  
  
Galaxia was silent for a while, and then nodded. "I suggest that you refrain from wearing your princess dress tonight. That might have unwanted consequences."  
  
Usagi face-faulted. "Jezz, thanks for worrying! I'll just go crawl under a rock," she grumbled, stomping off. "If I can find one," she added when she was further down the hall. Galaxia watched her wander aimlessly further down the hall, greatly resembling a drunken princess. "Maybe I'll just go take a shower," Usagi finally muttered.  
  
The blonde turned the corner and vanished from Galaxia's sight. The woman laughed softly and shook her head. "Baka chibi-hime," she said with a rueful chuckle. "Chibi Chibi, stay here with her. Things are going to get ugly," she said softly. "Chibi Chibi?" she asked again, turned to where the child was-  
  
--or was supposed to be.  
  
"Why am I cursed with insane superheroes that like to wander off?" she asked no one in particular, before vanishing in the overly popular manner of the Amano household.  
Somewhere in the depths of the house, Usagi was on a quest. A quest that would surpass all quests. Why? Mostly because it would quickly be the only one she ever failed. Why it was so hard to find a stupid shower, she didn't know. But it was hard. Unusually hard. Creepily hard. Magically hard. Terrifyingly hard. All the adjectives lead up to one thing, she decided. There was quite obviously a demon hiding the shower from her.  
  
"Well that's rude," she muttered.  
  
The door to her right suddenly flew open, and a grotesquely fat man walked out of the room, wearing only a towel. Usagi clapped a hand over her eyes. Apparently she had found the shower. GROSS.  
  
Finally deeming it safe to open her eyes, she pushed the door open and peeked cautiously inside. The word "MEN" was printed very loudly and clearly on the door in front of her. Hmph. As if they could keep her from doing anything she wanted. Snickering quietly to herself, she slipped inside.  
  
Inside the bathroom it was very foggy, and very, very wet. There was a large bin full of crumpled up towels. She hopped over to them and took a careful sniff. They were clean. Smiling evilly to herself, she dug herself into the pile and positioned her handy-dandy camera towards the door.  
  
The mildly perverted bunny cackled diabolically to herself when the door swung open. She angled her camera upwards and took a snapshot of that bishie's head. Oi! It was that kawaii jerk from before! The one that insulted Harry! Her thoughts were momentarily sidetracked as his shirt came off, and then his pants and boxers.  
  
She was disappointed, really. There was something in the way of a clear view! The horror! Grumbling silently to herself, she wriggled around until she was comfortable, and then took another picture. He was picturesque! AND HE WAS TALKING!  
  
"Why did you stop me?" the teen asked angrily.  
  
The man she presumed to be his father snorted. "There are a few reasons, actually. Reason number one is that she is far above our playing field. Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino is the daughter of the goddess of this family and the little sister of the world's prince charming. She'd never be yours Draco. Besides, she's cursed. And she's much too old for you."  
  
"But Harry--!"  
  
The father snorted in contempt. "You were really done in by that little act? Serenity was just doing it simply to get you angry. I'm frankly surprised that you missed the look she sent you. It was baldly obvious to someone who was paying attention!"  
  
"But-"  
  
"Enough! Now take your shower and get out so that we can get down to the dinner party. Some of the most powerful people in existence are going to be here, dolt."  
  
Usagi listened to them walk away before she felt safe enough to actually think about the exchange that had just occurred. So little Draco wanted her! How cute! And she was high ranking! Score! But they must have wrong information. She had never had an older brother. Usagi heard a loud gasp, and then a cruel laugh.  
  
"You're still a baby, Potter!" Draco laughed.  
  
This declaration elicited a very peculiar reaction in Usagi. Her face flushed a bright red, and her breath exploded from her in an odd barking laugh. Not only was it a barking laugh, it was a loud barking laugh. Oh great, she thought sarcastically. She prepared her camera.  
  
Showers turned off, and she observed as Harry and Draco's feet came closer. There were also several other pairs of young feet. Two pairs she identified as Jadeite and Kunzite. If she wasn't mistaken, Prince Diamond's feet were in the mix too, but that had to be some kind of mistake.  
  
"I swear I heard something," someone muttered, beginning to twitch the towels above Usagi's head aside.  
  
"Wait! If it's a demon, it can just jump right out at us. Let me do it," Jadeite commanded imperiously.  
  
He threw the towels aside and was promptly blinded by Usagi's camera. Jadeite howled with a mixture of pain and laughter as he fell back, clutching his eyes. Kunzite kicked the basket over, sending Usagi sprawling out over the floor, camera light flashing. There was a moment of stunned silence in which she captured Harry and Draco's identically shocked faces, Kunzite's amused one, Jadeite's lecherous one (as he began a headlong run at her), and several other disbelieving ones. Usagi whooped and scrambled to her feet.  
  
There was a collective roar of rage behind her as the tide of handsome young men wrapped towels around their waists and surged out the door after Usagi, who was suddenly fearing for herself. And she was only wearing flimsy blue sport shorts and a short white tank top! She was barefoot to boot!  
  
Elizabeth and Galaxia looked up in astonishment as the men's shower door exploded open and Usagi burst out of it, laughing like a maniac. She hopped around on her feet, undecided, and then took off down the hall to the right, directly towards Elizabeth and Galaxia. She gave them a cheery smile and a salute as she passed them. Then she backtracked and tossed the camera to the stupefied Galaxia.  
  
"Put this is subspace for me!" she hissed, before shooting off down the hall, just a bit ahead of the wave of men rushing after her. Elizabeth and Galaxia stood there for a while, simply listening to the sounds of Usagi laughing and whooping and the men calling out things like "get her from the right! No, no, no, the left! JUST GET HER!"  
  
The two women decided that it was none of their concern and continued on down the hall, discussing arranged marriages.  
Harry scowled darkly. They had been searching for Usagi for at least an hour to get that camera from her! Where the hell could she be hiding? And why was Jadeite looking so amused?  
  
"I thought she was a good person," Harry mourned out loud.  
  
Kunzite flicked a towel at him. "Oh, she's a good enough girl, if you don't mind insane, hyperactive, prideful, perverted, foul-mouthed, beautiful women," he said with a grin.  
  
Usagi tried desperately not to laugh as she heard Kunzite's assessment of her. It was too funny! And poor Harry. He was going to be mortified when she got those pictures developed. And she was pretty sure that she had some good ones, too! They would never, of course, quite add up to D- she gave herself a hearty mental slap and went back to reviewing her pictures that she had retrieved from subspace (where Galaxia had placed them earlier).  
  
Suddenly the doorknob turned, the closet door was yanked up, and Usagi was sent tumbling into the hall on her back. There was a huge gasp, and everyone backed a bit away. Usagi lay perfectly still.  
  
"Hello there," she said smiling up at Jadeite from below him.  
  
"You little pervert," he said affectionately, stepping out of her line of sight.  
  
"GET HER!" someone suddenly roared, grabbing her up by her shirt.  
  
She yelped and turned her head away from the attack that was sure to come. Luckily for her, it never did. A servant happened upon the chaos in the hall, and then howled a protest.  
  
"No! You mustn't hurt Princess Serenity! She has to make an appearance at the ball tonight!"  
  
Everyone turned to Usagi, who was trying to crawl to the servant in order to strangle him to death. NO ONE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT SHE WAS A PRINCESS! "You're Princess Serenity?" they all asked in unison.  
  
Usagi laughed feebly and scratched the back of her head. "Ahhhh, no, I think it was some kind of mistake. What do you think you're doing?" she shrieked at the servant, who was poking curiously at her hip.  
  
The servant suddenly scowled deeply and withdrew the packet of cigarettes from Usagi's pocket. "What are these young lady?"  
  
"My cigarettes. Got a problem with that?"  
  
"Princesses don't smoke!"  
  
"This one does!"  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"How much?"  
  
"Regularly!"  
  
"I forbid you!"  
  
"I veto that! I'm a princess!"  
  
The servant - Laura, she suddenly remembered - threw the box to the ground. "You may not smoke! You'll die! It's so unhealthy, and the stench is unbelievable!"  
  
Usagi raised her fist and growled. "I'm not going to die! The stupid crystal will bring me back to life whether I want it to or not! And I can erase the smell with the crystal too! Watch!"  
  
The furious blonde, intent on proving that smoking was perfectly healthy for her, withdrew her new, special, blackened crystal. Jadeite, Kunzite, and the strangely present Diamond groaned. Usagi ignored them and focused on the crystal. It began to glow with a haunting red light, and then the crazy energy-ball pet rose out if it and circled around Usagi's head. The black magic made a strange shlooping sound, and then suddenly the entire hall smelled a lot better. Like fresh flowers or something. Or maybe mint. Or something.  
  
"See?" she demanded. "There's no problem at all!"  
  
The servant began to say something, and then froze. A look of total fear dawned upon her face, and she began to back up. Usagi was confused. Had she really won that easily? Impossible! Laura seemed like she wouldn't ever back down! Not even if-  
  
"Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino, I am disappointed in you! Not only is your soul in serious moral decay, you smoke and you've broken and mutated the silver crystal! How could you? I'm going to punish you, young lady!"  
  
There was a huge flash of pink light, and Usagi cringed and turned around. Then her jaw dropped. She stared. "Muh - muh-"  
  
The woman before her smirked. "Cat got your tongue?"  
  
"Mother?" Usagi gasped.  
  
"This is getting weirder and weirder," Harry muttered to no one in particular.  
  
"She must have moved a lot," Kunzite murmured back.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just a theory."  
  
"We lovingly call it the Pandemonium Theory," Jadeite whispered. "It means that the more you move, the more happens to you."  
  
"Well it generally seems to apply," Harry muttered darkly. 


	9. Rocks Too Hard to Name

The Cupid 500  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
LAST TIME Usagi created as much chaos as humanly (well, not HUMANLY) possible with a great deal of success. She managed to get her filthy hands on some pictures of the male kind, and really had a wonderful time. But then through some freak chance of fate, her mother was invited to the party and went face to face with her errant daughter. But what about the happenings back in Tokyo?  
  
Minako stared hard at the plate of food in her hands. She looked up, inspected Ami's plate, and then looked back at her own. A frown marred her features, and she looked back up at Ami.  
  
Something was very, very wrong, Minako finally decided. Focused solely on righting this wrong, she pushed her chair away from the table and stood. Everyone looked up at her expectantly, except for Hiiro, who glared at her.  
  
"Who's idea was it to let Hiiro and Yohji cook?" she demanded.  
  
Ami smiled down at her plate of beautifully cooked food. "Well I'm not complaining, Mina-chan. Yohji's a wonderful cook!"  
  
The blonde woman waved her hand dismissively at Ami. "Of course! He has to cook for women all the time! Hiiro, on the other hand, can not cook, because he's used to not eating at all because he's a skinny man that eats frozen dinners or at gala dinners where he doesn't even have to cook! I must protest this disgrace! I am NOT ready to die at this early age! I'm too valuable to the safety of this universe!"  
  
Hiiro stopped, and then set his fork down. "Speaking of saving the universe, why didn't you tell us that you were Sailor Venus?"  
  
Minako, mouth open and fist in the air, gaped at him. Her mind did cartwheels. Her jaw did push-ups. Her eyes did summersaults. Ami simply stared in complete slack-jawed horror.  
  
"You know?" she gasped.  
  
Hiiro carefully swallowed his food and nodded. "We saw you and Usagi transform."  
  
Yohji began to laugh. "Oh, this is rich! So, Hiiro, do you have any secrets that you're hiding from us?"  
  
The other man scowled. "Iie."  
  
Minako threw her napkin at him. "My ass you don't! You're a flipping Gundam pilot! And Yohji, you're an assassin! And Mamoru!" she yelled, stopping the man when his fork was halfway to his mouth, "YOU'RE THE REINCARNATION OF A GODDAMN PRINCE! NOW THAT'S SETTLED, CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO DISCUSSING WHY AMI GETS GOOD FOOD?"  
  
Silence ruled the table for a few seconds. "So, Hiiro buddy," Yohji ventured, "you like mechanics?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Er. Mamoru, you like being royalty?"  
  
"It's kind of worthless ever since Usagi and I broke it off."  
  
"Ah."  
  
More silence.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Minako suddenly looked down at her lap. A strange expression crossed her face, and then she looked up at the ceiling. Apparently not finding what she was looking for, she looked to the side and made the expression again, which was a stretching of the mouth and an odd, glazed look in the eyes.  
  
"Ahhhh.. Ami?"  
  
The blue haired girl looked up and looked inquiringly at Minako. "Hai?"  
  
The blonde scratched her head and shifted on her chair. "Is there a piece of paper in your lap?"  
  
Ami looked down, and then back up. "Yes."  
  
"Okay, just checking."  
  
Silence descended upon the table, broken only by Minako moving food around on her plate with her fork. She suddenly sighed heavily, got up, and trudged over to the phone. Picking it up, she speed dialed a number, and then waited patiently for it to pick up.  
  
"Hi, Rei? Is there a strange piece of paper in your lap? Ooooh. Thanks. Just checking. Erm. Ami has one, and so do I. Really? Are you going to go? Why not? Oh! Well that makes sense. Yeah. Okay. No, but you can. I'm scared of them! Right! Bye, Rei-chan."  
  
Minako hung up and walked back to the table, where she sat calmly down. Everyone looked at her in anticipation, but the blonde steadfastly ignored their pleading eyes. She continued to eat the food to make Hiiro feel better about his inferior cooking skills, but then slammed her fork down in irritation.  
  
"Why am I always interrupted in the middle of breakfast?" she asked angrily, standing up and stalking out of the kitchen and down the front hall.  
  
Minako was in a bad mood. First she was forced to eat Hiiro's crummy cooking, then she was invited to a huge ball that Rei was not allowing her to go to, and now someone was knocking on the door. Mouth curling up in a snarl of rage, she flung the front door open and was shocked out of her mind to see Duo Maxwell standing on the porch looking very disgruntled.  
  
As she stood there in the open doorway, she slowly became aware of the fact she was wearing nothing except her prize Hello Kitty underwear and a little blue baby t-shirt. The blonde forgot this fact just as quickly.  
  
"Ohayo Duo-kun! Come inside, please! We're eating breakfast, but that's okay, since you can probably save me from eating it. What brings you here to the lair of your hated enemy?"  
  
The braided boy took a deep breath and stepped inside the house that carried so many memories for him. He kept on getting these flashbacks about their time together, and he felt like they were slowly driving him crazy. He shook his head to rid his mind of the past images, and then focused on Minako's face, which was in the present for him.  
  
"I'm here to find out why the hell Usagi never told me that she was Sailor Moon," he said bluntly.  
  
Minako coughed loudly and thumped him on the shoulder. "Duo m' boy! You know damn well that you're not supposed to be taking those hallucinogens anymore! Bad for the health, you know! Makes you see things that aren't really there," she said gravely.  
  
Duo shook her hand off and continued down the hall and turned into the kitchen. Once there, he stopped dead. Okay, Duo was the kind of guy that liked it when things went according to their natural order. The natural order in this case was that Hiiro was a stick in the mud, Yohji was a good for nothing playboy, Mamoru was a cheating, murdering bastard, and Ami was a smart, sensible girl.  
  
This would probably be why he couldn't seem to grasp what he was seeing. The four of them were sitting at the barstool table, quite calmly eating their breakfasts. Ami was in nothing but a bra and a pair of shorts, and was happily shoveling away at her food. Yohji was, as usual, wearing his boxers, but had Ami's hand clasped safely in his. Hiiro was wearing boxers, and flipping through some sort of book. Mamoru was passed out on the table. Someone had apparently drawn on his face, since the man now sported human graffiti. Minako didn't appear to see anything out of the ordinary and walked right by him and plopped down at the table.  
  
"Duo's here about Usagi being Sailor Moon, just so you know," Minako announced with great importance.  
  
Mamoru groaned and lifted his head. He blinked his eyes, and then looked at Duo solemnly. "Please don't tell me you broke up with her," he mumbled.  
  
Ami sniffed. "That's old news, Mamoru."  
  
The raven haired man paused, seemed to lose his train of thought, and then just sat there for a while. He suddenly noticed the milk on his face, and a frown crossed his features. "Now what just happened?"  
  
"Duo's here asking about Sailor Moon and Usagi," Yohji said without really bothering to look. From his point of view it was much too early and he was much too hung over to think even a small bit deeply about anything. Duo noticed this and sat down carefully, knowing that if he asked the right questions, they'd tell him anything he wanted to know.  
  
"Why didn't Usagi ever tell me?" he asked again.  
  
No one answered. Ami looked at Minako expectantly, but was greeted by a slightly frightening growl. The blue haired woman considered the implications for a long moment, and then laboriously decided that this left the story telling up to her. If there was to be any storytelling at all, that was. She valiantly struggled to brush the now unfortunately familiar fog from the edges of her vision.  
  
"So Mr. Maxwell. Why do you think we should tell you anything?"  
  
Duo watched in great interest as Ami wobbled. It appeared that she had no idea that she was leaning in her chair like that. And why the hell did she think he wanted to know? He-  
  
And then he stopped. Why did he want to know? He and Usagi were over. Whatever they had was gone, so there was no real reason to open old sores back up, right? But on the other had...  
  
"It'd be nice to know the reason behind the way she acted sometimes," he said quietly.  
  
Minako, suddenly deciding that Ami was no longer worthy of being Chief Storyteller, leaped to the opportunity. "Well listen up, then. The story really isn't all that terrific. So about a thousand or so years ago she was this hoity toity princess, you know what I mean. Well, she was an alien, and then was killed. Oh yeah. Me an' Ami were there too. As princesses," she snapped at Yohji, whose mouth was resembling a balloon that someone was blowing too much air into. As soon as he processed the words, his mouth deflated some, much to her relief.  
  
"As I was saying, we were all brutally and tragically murdered by this crazy lady named Beryl, who was in love with Prince Endy over here. We were all reborn in this time period, as the Sailor Senshi!" she cried, striking a pose.  
  
Ami kicked her.  
  
"Right!" Minako hurried on, not wanting to be the recipient of another violent outburst. "Things happened, we died numerous times, killed lots of monsters, saved the world way too many times if you ask me-"  
  
"No one did," Mamoru muttered.  
  
Minako shot a deadly glare at the man and then chose to ignore him. "Then Usagi and Mamoru broke up, Usagi met you, changed completely, and was pretty damn happy as far as I could tell. Then you guys broke up, she decided it would save her pride if she pretended that she was over you, and then something crazy started happening. I'm still not entirely sure about that. Ames, do you have any ideas? About the thing that's been happening? You know, with our powers and Usa' crystal?"  
  
Ami ran a hand through her short blue hair and sighed. Duo noted that all signs of the night before had vanished. Interesting. Ami sighed again, and took another gulp of her orange juice.  
  
"Well, I'm not completely sure about who the enemy is. I suspect that is has something to do with the little boy both Usagi and Quatre claimed to have seen, and the fact that Usagi is now single. We all know that our powers grow in accordance to the enemy we face- if our powers stayed the same they could be memorized and then beaten. I think that since this new enemy of ours is more powerful, our powers need to grow to match that. A survival instinct, you could say."  
  
"Yeah," Minako said slowly, "but what about the violence? I mean, not that I mind. Our attacks before this were all glittery and cute and very shoujo manga like. But now... That Triple Beam Blast thing of Usagi's, for instance. I was thinking about how that might of happened after that battle, and I think I probably have it. The silver crystal runs off of pure energy, right? Before Duo came into her life, I figure Usagi was a pretty damn pure person. She fought because she believed in her cause. Now, I think she fights because she enjoys the rush and the knowledge that she can do things that no one else can. Her motives are impure, and, " Minako coughed delicately, "so is her heart. This would cut off her access to the purity of the crystal, right? And that can't happen. So it mutated to fit Usagi's energy. And since we're her Senshi, our powers must be in harmony with hers, so our turned too."  
  
As Minako finished her little speech, she became aware of the silence in the room. Everyone was staring at her. Shifting uncomfortably, the blonde offered them a weak smile.  
  
"That's what I think, anyways."  
  
Ami smiled in pleasure. "I think you probably have it, Minako! And since the enemy is probably male, he probably followed Usagi to England!"  
  
Silence met this exclamation as well. Minako sighed long-sufferingly and shook her head. "I am not making anymore calls. I have a killer hangover and want to sleep. Usagi can deal with her own psychotic wannabe loves, okay Ami? This is her arena, not ours. The only thing I want is for her to get together with someone so I can walk around without worrying about the apocalypse that was brought on by Usagi being single. Do you realize how embarrassing that would be? Think about it, Ami! I mean, we get to Heaven and we have to tell people that we died in an apocalypse brought on by our friend who didn't get the hell with a guy! The utter humiliation!"  
  
Ami sighed into her empty plate. "I think I want more of Yohji's cooking," she said miserably. "At this rate I'm going to get fat!"  
  
Minako suddenly burst out laughing at Ami's complaint. Hiiro apparently decided that it was getting a little too much for him, so he picked up his plate and stood. At about that second the doorbell rang, and Saori marched inside along with Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, Rei, Makoto, and Hotaru. There was a collective gasp from seeing Duo at the table. This gasp was followed by a shriek from Hotaru and suddenly finding a slip of paper in the front of her shirt. Disliking the placement of this paper, she went in after it. Wufei found a nice place on the couch and began flipping through the channels. Quatre passed out from blood loss, Hotaru held the paper up triumphantly, Makoto found herself in a fight over Ami over who cooked better (Makoto or Yohji), Minako went to watch TV with Wufei, Duo escaped under the table, and Trowa was the only one who heard the alarm beeping.  
  
They all, however, saw the man appear in the middle of the room, because everyone fell silent at exactly the same time. Minako's mouth opened. "Oh my god," she whispered.  
  
The man on the table was drop dead gorgeous. He was wearing incredibly fashionable bad man clothing (what with the black armor with the gold markings and his wonderful black cape with the red lining. His skin was a fabulous dusky shade that matched perfectly with his dark brown eyes and his spiky black hair. He flashed a smile at them, revealing beautiful white teeth.  
  
"Hey," he greeted. "You guys are the Gundam pilots, one of the assassins, and most of the Senshi, right?"  
  
Minako nodded, and then walked cautiously up to him. She sniffed daintily, and then got a glazed look in her eyes. "What kind of cologne is that?" she whispered.  
  
He scratched his head, and then grinned again. Minako found her knees going weak, much to her dismay. "It's called Dusk," he said simply. "Which one of you is my competition?" he asked curiously, casting his eyes around.  
  
"Who are you and who do you work for?" Hiiro demanded from behind his gun.  
  
The man grinned. "Alright, then. Introductions. My name is Ran, wonderful to meet all of you. I work for myself, although I commonly find myself doing odd jobs for Lady Elizabeth now and then. I've also had contact with Lucy and Gabe, but Gabe doesn't like me much since I'm not angel material, and Lucy tends to forget that I'm not one of his underlings. Which one of you is my competition?"  
  
"For who?" Mamoru asked, although he was fairly certain that he knew the answer. Hell, he knew the name Ran would say just by the expression on the man's face.  
  
"My competition for Usagi," Ran murmured.  
  
There was a loud thump from under the table, which Rei correctly interpreted as Duo's head connecting roughly with the underside of the table. A large smile came to Ran's face, and he ducked under the table.  
  
"Duo Maxwell! So you're my competition!"  
  
Duo's voice froze in his throat. What was he going to say? Was he competition for Usagi's heart? Or had he given up that claim when they split for the last time? Before he knew it, words were coming out his throat.  
  
"Nope, I'm not any competition. Help yourself, man, and good luck!"  
  
There was a large sigh of relief from the people surrounding the table. Hooray for Duo! He had just helped to prevent the apocalypse for a while!  
  
"That's good to know, Duo, but between you and me, I think you're making a big mistake," the man revealed before dematerializing before the shell shocked Duo's eyes.  
  
There was no sound for a few seconds, until Minako clapped her hands loudly. "Alright! Now that's out of the way, I think we have all of our answers! I'll bet you that he's our bad guy, and I'll bet you that he's going to England to make Usagi fall in love with him. They will then have crazy monkey-"  
  
"MINAKO!" Hotaru yelled. When she was sure that Minako wasn't going to say anything inappropriate, she smiled in pleasure. "Thanks for shutting the hell up, Mina-chan. Since I take it that we've all learned each other's dirty secrets, I vote that we all go home, and leave er, the various members of our party to consider the implications of what has happened."  
  
There was a rather loud noise from Ami, which earned her curious eyes. Her face was slowly growing a strained look. Hotaru watched silently as there was another thump from under the table, and then a strangled exclamation from Duo, who rapidly crawled out from under the tablecloth. Without another sound, he ran out of the kitchen, through the front hall, and through the door; slamming it behind him.  
  
Ami suddenly squeaked, and Yohji poked his head out from under the table. "Ami, what *are* you doing?"  
  
"You wish I was doing something!" she snapped, kicking her foot upwards.  
  
Yohji laughed, swooped out from under the table, picked her up, and carried her out of the room. Hotaru, who was now staring fixedly at the shiny wood floor, touched her forehead and cleared her throat.  
  
"Right. Makoto, Rei, let's go. Er. Ami and Yohji are-"  
  
"-having crazy monkey-"  
  
"BUSY," Hotaru said loudly, interrupting Minako loudly, "and Minako, Mamoru, and Hiiro need to look after the house. Duo already left and is probably trying to bleach his eyes as we speak. Someone wake Quatre up. Trowa and Wufei, let's go," Hotaru commanded.  
  
"Jesus," Rei muttered. "It's like having a freaking commanding officer."  
  
Hotaru smiled sweetly at Rei. "I'm applying the skills I'm learning in school, Rei-chan. Minako, what the *hell* are you doing?"  
  
The addressed blonde froze in the middle of making a piece of toast, apparently. Her arms were raised up in the air, fingers spread. Her teeth were closed tightly around the piece of said toast, and her foot was flat against the inside of her upper thigh. Upon being so spoken to, she released her leg, and took the toast out of her mouth.  
  
"I don't wanna brag, I don't wanna boast, I just tell 'em, I like toast." She paused and seemed to wait for something. Then, about four seconds later, suddenly screamed "YEAH TOAST" at the top of her lungs. With this said, she placed the bread in the toaster and pressed the lever down.  
  
"There's no secret to toasting perfection! There's a dial on the side and you make your selection! Push to the dark to the light and then if it pops too soon then you press down again make toast! YEAH TOAST! YEAH TOAST!"  
  
She continued making her toast, and then suddenly broke out with, "Oui monsieur, bien... FRENCH TOAST!"  
  
"Minako," Rei said in utter amazement, "what the hell are you singing?"  
  
The blonde paused in the middle of her toast making, turned around, and smiled widely. "Oh, it's the Toast Song! It's really not all that funny in and of itself, but they think they're just so damn funny when they sing it, that it makes everyone else laugh. Like this knock knock joke for example. Okay Rei, you start."  
  
Rei looked uncertain, but decided to give it a go. "Knock knock," she said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Who's there?" Minako asked quickly.  
  
Rei opened her mouth, and then stopped. She then gave Minako a blank stare. The blonde evidently thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard in her entire life, because she doubled over laughing. Hotaru gave Minako a strange look, and made for the door, deciding that it was just too much for her supreme businesswoman-self to deal with in addition to a possible apocalypse hanging like a dirty black cloud on the horizon. Because really, if it wasn't going to be a huge nuclear explosion or something beautifully man-made like that, then she was going to be called on to destroy the world with her kick ass magical destructive powers. God knows that would be fun.  
  
Taking their cues from Hotaru, the others slowly slunk out the door as well. Minako, who was finished making her toast, sat herself back down at the table. Hiiro slowly took a seat across from her. Minako bit into her cinnamon-sugar toast, and smiled.  
  
"I really do like toast," she confessed to Hiiro.  
  
The man grunted in return. Minako's smile fell, and she put her toast down on the table. "Hiiro," she began in a small voice, "this really isn't working out very well."  
  
Hiiro became suddenly very still. For one glorious second, Minako was sure that maybe he would rise up and tell her that no, he didn't want her to leave-  
  
But no. He simply sat there. Minako felt the heavy threat of tears build up behind her eyes and pushed them back with every ounce of will she had. She drew a shaky smile to her lips and stood up. Reaching over to the top cupboard, she pulled out her jean skirt and her flip flops. Slipping into her clothes, she slung her purse off the chair and onto her shoulder.  
  
"You know," she said quietly, "I was once cursed by a man I fell in love with. He turned out to be my enemy. He told me that I would never find true love, and that way I would never again have to choose between duty and love. I guess I should quit trying, huh?"  
  
She got no response. Her heart heaved a heavy sigh and pulled up another sheet of armor against the world. "Thanks for everything, Yui. It was fun while it lasted. Kind of," she amended with a bitter smile.  
  
Then, without another word, she crossed over to him, gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and left. Hiiro sat there in that chair for a long time afterwards, feeling the warmth her lips had left on his cheek. He didn't move. He didn't speak. He simply sat there thinking. Watching the clock. Waiting for something-  
  
alone.  
  
IN ENGLAND..  
  
The woman folded her arms. "No you dolt, I'm your mother's evil twin sister, therefore your evil Aunt Lily. So you're my sister's pretty little brat. Nice to finally meet you, I suppose. I see you've met my sons, Davy and Jakkin. You're driving Serenity absolutely crazy, you know. I salute you. You really shouldn't smoke though, it's a terribly unattractive habit. Believe me, I know. I'm a very vain person, which means I generally have access to a mirror at all times. I also used to smoke, and so posed for several "sexy" smoking poses. Not surprisingly, I found none. Dear God, kids! You're not even dressed for the dinner tonight! Usagi, I'd dress nicely. I have a lovely black piece I wanted to give you, and I think that Ran might have something for you as well. Diamond, didn't you have a dress for her too?"  
  
Startled at being addressed (and still trying to get over this much more aggressive version of the most "anti-everything-Usagi-was" woman in the universe. He pushed silver bangs from his eyes and smiled charmingly at Usagi, who snorted. "Yes, I do. It's waiting in your room, I believe," he said with a bow.  
  
Usagi kept a perfectly straight face. "Thank you very much Di-kun, I appreciate it. Thank you all very much for the fun, I'll enjoy the fruits of my labors," she said with a smirk.  
  
Everyone seemed to suddenly realize that she actually did have incriminating pictures of them, because they all surged towards her as one body. Usagi pumped her fist in the air with a whoop, and then vanished in a crackle of black electricity. Everyone roared angrily, but slunk off to their rooms. Some made like Usagi and vanished. Others melted into the floorboards or the walls. Others still simply flew at super-speed down the hall to their rooms. After everyone was gone except for Jadeite, Kunzite, and Harry, Elizabeth eased herself from a picture frame.  
  
"Ahhhh," she sighed. "I utterly despise traveling through picture frames. What are you doing? Ah, Lily darling! You made it! Wonderful! Can your sister make it, or is she still beating herself up about letting her daughter being reborn into a sinful family?"  
  
The lavender haired woman put her arms around the older woman in a hug and squeezed tightly. "I actually think that she's going to make it. Granted, she's mostly coming to scold Usagi for leaving Mamoru and then Duo and for the abominable moral state of her soul, but that's to be expected. Is Ran here yet?"  
  
Elizabeth nodded, and flashed a wide, clean smile. "Yes, he is! He looks more handsome than ever, and can't keep himself from talking about our dear Usagi. It's cute, in a bizarre kind of way. Harry? Is there something the matter?"  
  
He swallowed dry. "Uh, I was just wondering if the Ministry of Magic ever got on your back for all of this, uh, you know, magic."  
  
Elizabeth tilted her head back and laughed. "Dear mother, yes! That Fudge friend of yours is over here all the time to break up our parties. Luckily for us, our magic is in an entirely different league than theirs. We surround ourselves with Gods and their creatures. Our magic comes from the very makings of reality. What we do can not be stopped. We can only become more powerful as time passes. We can only hope that the one who gains the most also retains a reasonably stable mental state. I believe that Dumbledore was invited, but he said that he had other business. Disappointing, really. He's a master at decorations. Anyways. You had better go and get ready for the party, dear. You never know who you're going to meet at one of these parties. Oh," she said turning to Jadeite, "remember to have heavy sedatives. I've invited Sesshomaru, Naraku, Kikyo, and the Nerima group. There is going to be conflict, I'm afraid, but it can't be avoided. And since Serenity will be there.."  
  
She sighed, and tugged on a small strand of gray hair. "It will be a party to remember. Run along now, both of you! Shoo!" she shouted when none of them moved.  
  
Before she was really done saying the word, the three of them were gone, leaving her and Lily alone. Elizabeth bared her teeth in a rakish smile at Lily. "Shall we commence our planning, then?"  
  
"We shall," Lily replied with the exact same smile.  
  
Chilling, really. Never leave two insane women alone together. It always turns out with a man getting a flower from someone that doesn't generally know him. Well, not always. Just once. And it was pretty damn funny.  
  
Usagi scratched her blonde head and looked at her bed critically. Upon coming into the room, she had been attacked by several moth-like apparitions bearing various pieces of jewelry. After getting over the initial confusion of the attack and apologizing profusely for wounding some of the bugs, she cheerfully collected their gifts and entered into her bedroom, imagining a nice nap.  
  
Her bed, however, was covered with dresses. The slender blonde inched closer, senses tingling. Someone was in her room. Close. Whoever the person was could be hiding under the impressive heap of glittery clothing. Her hand reached out, and she almost grinned at the reversal of roles in her life. Her fingers brushed the top dress, and she heard a creak of wood. She looked up sharply and was beheld with the most handsome man she had ever seen in her entire life (except for Duo, her treacherous mind whispered).  
  
He was standing in the doorway to her balcony, staring intently at her. It felt for her like there was an electric current running out of his beautiful, beautiful eyes and into her body. He had tousled black hair that seemed to be slightly wet. A slow, heart-breaking smile spread across his face, and she felt her legs going weak.  
  
She was pathetic, she told herself. Men had to want her, not the other way around! But still. seeing him just standing there, smiling at her, waiting to be asked inside.. It made her want to squeal, which was a habit she had developed over years of watching tear-jerking love movies (such as Romeo and Juliet, Moulin Rouge, Cruel Intentions, Ghost, Somewhere in Time. the list went on).  
  
"May I come in?" he asked in a low, warm voice that made her insides melt.  
  
"Of course," she said coolly, trying to cover up her weakness.  
  
His smile widened and as he stepped into the room, Usagi could swear that the tension in the room increased a thousand fold. His eyes went to a chair, and then to her. She smiled at him, and nodded. Smiling gratefully now, he dropped gently into a chair.  
  
"How are you?" he asked awkwardly.  
  
Usagi smiled and sat down on her bed, ignoring the dresses. "I'm fine. Confused. Curious," she said with a pointed look at him.  
  
He laughed, and began to stand again until she waved him back down. "Pardon my lapse in manners, madam. My name is Ran. I was invited here by your aunt. Truth be told, I would have come anyways. I came for you," he explained in a softer tone.  
  
Her heartbeat sped up, and she swore internally as she felt a blush rising to her cheeks. "Ay me," she said softly.  
  
"She speaks: O, speak again, bright angel," he responded; once again, quietly.  
  
Usagi's smile twisted in a wry grin. "So you're a Romeo, eh? Well, I'm no Juliet, I'm sorry to say. I also need to get ready for the dinner party, and so I think you need to leave. I'll see you there, won't I?"  
  
Ran grinned. "That's what I came to speak to you about. You must select ten dresses for tonight- it is not only a dinner party, dear heart. The first dress will be for the play before dinner. Then come the appetizers. Then the first course, and then the second. Then dessert. After the eating, we dance. The ball itself has five acts, for which you will need five dresses. The dresses must begin normally and grow more splendid as the night wears on. Your last dress, during the fifth act of the night, will "hang upon the cheek of night, like a rich jewel on an Ethiope's ear"," he quoted with a grin.  
  
Usagi couldn't help but laugh.  
  
Harry poked his head out of his door and looked suspiciously around. Good. No one was near him-more importantly, Usagi was nowhere to be seen. He heaved a sigh of relief and stepped out of his room, closing the door carefully behind him. Laughter instantly assailed his ears, and he spun around angrily.  
  
"Shut up Malfoy!" he shouted.  
  
The blonde boy sneered at him. "And who's going to make me?" he snarled.  
  
"Shut up, Draco," snapped Usagi as she stomped around the corner. Then she froze and grinned at Harry. "Harry! You look good in the tux! You too, Draco. You HAVE TO HELP ME! I can't figure out what to wear for the play!"  
  
Draco and Harry glanced at each other and shrugged. "Erm, what are you talking about? You look fine in that," Harry said confusedly.  
  
Usagi glared down at her crimson dress, stolen from the costume closet of the Romeo and Juliet that came out in 1979, or something like that. She frowned. "You sure?"  
  
Before they could say anything, she laughed. "Of course you're sure! I could wear anything and look amazing! Why? Because I'm the magical, mystical princess of doom and despair! That's right! What're you looking at?"  
  
"Usagi," Ran said comfortably, coming up behind her, "you are completely insane. I like the Juliet theme," he smiled.  
  
She glared at his armored shoulders. "Well I see you're copying my theme, you wannabe Leonardo! Well, since we're obviously Romeo and Juliet, I suppose we'll have to sit together now."  
  
Ran smiled affably. "I certainly don't mind, fair sun."  
  
Usagi glanced at him in irritation. "You know, they keep on changing their minds in that play. First they're all blah, blah, blah swear not by the inconstant moon" or whatever, and Romeo calls her "fair sun". Then they both completely change their minds at insist that the other would make heaven a brighter place, so that no one would care for the sun. Why can't they just make up their minds?"  
  
"Love is a fickle master," he said simply.  
  
By the time the three bickering people plus Ran, who was simply watching in great amusement, got downstairs, Elizabeth was clearly humming with nervous energy. Usagi's aunt Lily was laughing loudly as Serenity sputtered angrily into her mirror image's face. Usagi felt her face twisting up into the mocking, laughing expression she had developed somewhere along the way. She picked up her skirts, stepped down into the hall, and smirked at her mother's shell-shocked expression.  
  
"Why hello Mother! How lovely of you to make it," Usagi said sweetly, honey fairly oozing from her mouth.  
  
Serenity opened her mouth, made a frustrated gesture, and took several quick steps towards Usagi. "Serenity! Why aren't you wearing white? Lunarians are always supposed to wear white at large gatherings! If you don't people will think that person. is, well, easy," the Queen hissed at her amused daughter.  
  
"Well Mother, I'm technically not worthy of wearing white. Besides, red is a passionate color, and I like to view myself as a passionate person. I see you're wearing white. Isn't that kind of inappropriate, seeing as I'm alive?"  
  
Serenity went red, and Lily hooted joyously. "I keep telling you, Ren! The rules apply within wedlock as well! You broke the rules, go to hell," she said cheerily.  
  
The Queen endeavored to ignore her sister, and focused on Ran instead. "Is this your new toy? Do you have any idea who he is? He's an assassin! He works for both Heaven and Hell! He is not even worthy of being that near you!"  
  
Usagi shrugged. "It shows he's flexible."  
  
"He's been sending youma out after you and you Senshi!"  
  
"Completely the kid's fault."  
  
"What happened between you and Duo?" Serenity demanded. "Can't you at least stay with a man for more than a week?"  
  
There was no response, and Queen Serenity suddenly felt very guilty. Usagi's eyes were dark, and the Queen knew immediately that Duo was a wound that would never heal. And unexpectedly, Serenity felt sorry for her daughter. Usagi hadn't done anything wrong. Mamoru hadn't worked out- Serenity couldn't blame her for breaking up with a moron. Duo had as much ego as her daughter, and so in trying to outdo the other, they both lost. Usagi was just trying her hardest-  
  
"Usagi!" someone gasped.  
  
Everyone turned, and Usagi cringed when she saw her mother, brother, father, and impossible future daughter making their way towards her. Usagi raised a hand and waved weakly. Just what she needed.  
  
Chibiusa flung her arms around Usagi and squeezed tightly. "Hey kiddo," Usagi laughed. "Whatcha been doing?"  
  
"Mostly hanging out at parties. Thanks for the tip, Mo- er, Usagi. Who're your friends? And- oh my god, is that grandma?" she gasped.  
  
Queen Serenity started at the pink haired girl and then at Usagi. "She's yours?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"What?" Ikuko asked confusedly.  
  
"Yes," Usagi said at the same time.  
  
"What?" Ikuko shrieked.  
  
Usagi coughed uncomfortably. "Well, it's a very long story, mom. See, I used to be some crazy princess that died. I was reborn as me, became Sailor Moon, killed bad guys, and that's about it. Well, along the way I got to have a fun filled exciting trip to the future, where I found out that I was supposed to have Chibiusa here by Mamoru. Weird thing is that because of his computer chip he's never going to rape me, and so she should be impossible. But whatever. Mom, Dad, Shingo, Chibiusa, meet my first mother, Queen Serenity. Mother, this is my family. Oh yeah, this is Ran, Draco, and Harry. Ack! And this is my evil aunt Lily. Shall we go to the play now?"  
  
And without giving the various victims of her movement a chance to shriek loudly in rage, blink in confusion, or even garble incomprehensively at her, she snatched Ran's hand and leaped through the portal and into the relative safety of the theater.  
  
She neglected to notice that she covered a great deal of distance.  
  
Ha. Haha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh god. I just got all the little jokes I made.. Haha, I'm funny! *slaps self on forehead and falls backwards* Haha, I've been beginning too many stories. Too many Romeo and Juliet inspired one-shots. If someone wants to take my idea they can. silly little one shots. DAMN THINGS! *beats all one-shot ideas with a shovel* 


	10. A Few Careful Moves

The Cupid 500

Chapter Ten

* * *

The next thing she knew, someone was shaking her awake.  Usagi blinked wildly, not entirely sure where she was.  She had been having the most bizarre dream about men, busses, and baby carriages.  Ran smiled down at her and helped her to her feet.  Feeling somewhat embarrassed about not knowing what was going on, she took a quick look at her surroundings.

"You didn't miss much," Ran said reassuringly.  "You drank too much wine after the first scene of the play and fell asleep," he reminded her.

Muddled images slowly crawled back into her head.  She had taken a safe seat between Ran and Harry, so that none of her family members could grill her during the play.  Unfortunately that would have been the better option, because the play was so pathetically stupid that she had submerged herself in wine, hoping that she could avoid the rest of the play.  Just in case the rest was as bad as the first bit.

"So how was the end?" the blonde asked, slightly worried.  The other people she saw around her were twittering excitedly about something--  Usagi **hated** missing out on things.

Ran shrugged.  "You didn't miss anything.  Around the second act, your Aunt showered some kind of glitter down on the audience.  I don't know what it made them see, but apparently it was spectacular.  Do you remember the dress you chose for Act II?"

Usagi opened her mouth, closed it, and then suddenly a beautiful, gauzy blue dress had popped into her mind.  She felt a draft of wind, and glanced down at herself.  Apparently the dress had decided it wanted to be beautiful and gauzy on her instead of on her bed.  Ran's smile warmed her skin.

"I like it.  Come on, the portal's over here.  I'd like to issue a word of caution however.  These portals tend to be rather unnerving.  Keep your mind about you."

Usagi frowned, still half asleep, and looked up at where Ran was leading her.  It was nothing but a simple door.  Almost laughing at Ran's dramatic tendencies, she grabbed his arm and marched right in.  

The world exploded around her.

For a few seconds after she landed Usagi was completely disoriented.  There was a large warmth behind her, then suddenly the clamoring of a crowd of people, and then she was standing weakly on firm ground clutching Ran's arm tightly.  Uncomfortably aware of the fact that she was betraying weakness, she picked imaginary lint off of Ran's arm and let her hands fall to her sides.

Beside her, Ran didn't move a muscle to indicate that he had even become aware of her display.  The blonde at his side couldn't tell whether this was insulting or not, but was saved from an actual decision by Harry and Draco stepping through an open doorway, shrieking wildly and batting at the empty air around them.

The two eventually realized that there was no reason to flail about in such a way, and they simultaneously flushed a bright red.  Usagi gave them a long look, and then cast her eyes toward Ran, who wasn't even trying to conceal his smile.

"Are they… alright?" Usagi asked quietly, not wanting to disturb their obviously delicate mental state. 

Ran's smile turned to a grin.  "My first reaction to one of those portals was much the same, I have to admit.  See, it's a rather peculiar setup that really shouldn't be possible.  The story goes something like this: the universe was created one way or the other.  No one really cares how, as it doesn't much affect modern reality.  At any rate, Creation was created.  Whoever made this reality did a semi-sloppy job which was actually ingenious in and of itself, because those small mistakes allowed for reality to become a truly bizarre thing.  One of those bizarre things our reality created was magic.  This magic, of course, allows for even more bizarre things to happen.  Your aunt somehow discovered a formula that creates a kind of bubble out of the very things reality is made from.  Not necessarily our reality, mind you, but any reality.  When this formula is put into effect, it creates a reality hanging on the outside of reality.  This," he said with a sweep of his arm, "is that reality."

Usagi took a step back and looked around, absorbing all the alternate-reality…ness… of it.  Once her once over was finished, she had only one sentence.  "It's not really that impressive," she said disdainfully.

Behind her, Harry had to agree.  All it was was a large, dark room that stretched too far for him too see.  Curtains seemed to be hanging in front of them, but he couldn't really even make them out if they were even there.  Hot and uncomfortable in his tuxedo, he tugged at the collar and shifted his feet.  Nothing Hogwarts had taught him prepared him for this.  Nothing!

Draco coughed, and Harry glanced over.  "You doin' okay over there?"

The blonde boy looked startled at being addressed, and then ran his fingers through his hair.  "I'm fine, but this whole thing…  It's crazy.  I don't even know why I was invited."

Harry grimaced.  "I know how you feel.  I don't even think they would have given me a second thought if I hadn't been some distantly removed cousin."

"Well I know damn well why I was invited," a girl interjected cheerfully from behind.

The two boys turned to be presented with that pink haired girl who was supposed to be Usagi's future daughter.  Her smile was blinding in the midst of their despair.  Intent on dragging her down as well, they moved in for the attack.

"You wouldn't have been invited if you weren't Usagi's daughter," Harry said callously.

"None of us matter," Draco agreed despondently.

Galled by this, Chibiusa dismissed them as lunatics and stalked off in search of some less depressed men.

Usagi growled softly.  All the waiting was grating on her nerves.  She was a princess!  She didn't deserve to wait like this!  What were they waiting for anyways?  She had half a mind to just march right in there and—

The lights suddenly flashed on, blinding everyone, and revealing the true scope of the room.  It was endless, stretching lengthwise forever, bending eternally towards the horizon.  Usagi struggled to keep her jaw lifted in spite of the awe inspired by the room.

"Serenity darling!" someone suddenly called out.

Usagi flinched.  She'd recognize that voice anywhere.  But if she wanted to play nice, she'd play nice.  Usagi turned around, her blonde hair gleaming perfectly in the light.  Usagi gave herself a brief moment to consider the reasons for such lighting, but such thoughts were removed from her head as Beryl slid up and enfolded Usagi in a warm hug.

"Marvelous to see you again!  It's really too bad you didn't join me in my evil plots that last time we killed each other; you could have helped me fill some of that time!  Huge body of power or not, Metallia really isn't a good conversationalist.  I'll just tell you right off the bat however, the only reason I'm not trying to kill you right now is because you'd just pop back to life again.  Really, it's so daunting to all the others I've spoken to.  There's no real use in killing you anymore.  I believe that the current plan is to beat you violently with a shovel or gouge your pretty eyes out.  But enough of that.  Who is this with you?" Beryl asked appreciatively.

Barely recovering from the woman's onslaught of speech, Usagi wound a possessive arm around Ran's waist.  "This is Ran.  So you're not trying to kill me anymore?  Pity.  I'd probably whoop your ass now.  Ah!  Are we finally being allowed inside?"

Beryl glared at the curtains.  "Not us, dear.  The civilians are allowed in first without introduction.  Notice, your dear Harry Potter is gone.  Royalty and the highest ranking people are announced last.  That would be my cue," Beryl said with a smile as her name was called.

The names kept being called and called and called until finally only Usagi, Ran, Chibiusa, Lily, and Serenity were left.  There were a few others that Usagi didn't know, but it pissed her off that her name was called before theirs.  Usagi had some measure of satisfaction, however, in the fact that her mother, aunt, and daughter were all called before her.

"Princess Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino, hailing from Tokyo, and her consort Lord Ran, from Apollo's Gate."

Usagi composed her face and laid her arm on top of Ran's.  He winked at her, and then looked right ahead.  The curtains drew open, revealing at first only blinding light.  The harshness of the light dropped away from Usagi's eyes, allowing her to see what, exactly, her dear auntie had created.

A grand ballroom sprawled across what seemed to be a carefully trimmed jungle.  The marble floor was surrounded by all types of breathtaking vegetation.  Huge trees twisted upwards, stretching up to the huge glass dome above them.  A full moon hung directly above them, and the stars seemed to shine like true diamonds in the night's sky.  On closer inspection, the stars didn't really look much like the ones that she knew— they burned with a visible fire that snapped and crackled against the velvet black.  Then Usagi saw something else.  The night wasn't black at all.  What she really saw was dark, dark blue and purple, mixed in with undulating black threads.

She felt herself almost lose her step, and dropped her eyes back to the room before her, and was shocked anew.  The princess was no stranger to crowds—she was raised to be able to manipulate them.  This crowd however, was the largest she had ever seen.  Not a single finger was moving however, and this made her practically swell with pride.  Her gold against Ran's ebony would really be a striking image: an image, apparently, none were immune to.

Following this happy observation, her eyes moved to the room itself.  Luminescent orbs hung from barely visible chains from the ceiling, to better illustrate the otherworldly effect.  The blonde allowed her eyes to skip to the left, and allowed herself to be awed yet another time.  Apparently Elizabeth had a lost civilization theme in mind when she created her reality, because there was what appeared to be an immense stone stairway, overgrown with some kind of plant.  

On top of this stairway was a small statue of a woman and a man.  The man had his arms wrapped around the woman's waist, and his head was buried in her neck.  Her head was thrown back, and she was laughing.  Above them, there was a large strip of cloth that extended from the rounded wall to a near invisible silver bar.  From the silver bar, which was hanging above the statue and temple, the blue cloth ceased to be cloth, and fell from the bar as crystal clear water onto the statue, down the steps, and into a lake.

Usagi's eyes roved across the miniature world that Elizabeth had created for herself, hungry for more.  It was breathtakingly beautiful—so beautiful that her heart throbbed and emotion rose into her throat, only barely choked back down.  She glanced up at Ran and saw nothing of what she was feeling on his face.  Then he glanced down at her and started ever so slightly— enough to let her know that he had been searching for the same expression of wonderment on her.

Pleased that her poker face skills hadn't deteriorated along with her will to play hard to get, she allowed warmth to beam at him through her eyes, and then pulled a smirk to her face.  Ha!  She would show everyone exactly what kind of girl the legendary Princess Serenity was.  With any luck, it would be the exact opposite of what they were expecting.

After what seemed like an eternity, their feet tapped gently against the bottom of the stairs.  Usagi shook herself out of the stupor induced by the splendor around her and spun back around to see the three that were more important than she was.  God, that pissed her off.  She hated not being the most important.  A sudden thought tugged her eyes towards Ran, who was talking quietly with a group of men behind her.  

What if….  What if she was only number four because of Ran, and his position as a Lord of Darkness?  She gave herself a hearty mental beating.  How could she even think something like that?  That, she reassured herself confidently, was totally impossible.  She was way too important to be number four only because of a man.  Poor Ran, she thought suddenly.  He must have only been number four because of her.  He was only a Lord, after all.  Poor guy, she thought sympathetically.

Then she realized that she had missed number three's name, so she snapped back to attention, and was utterly dismayed to find what seemed to only be a teenage girl descending the stairs.  Some of the indignation that she was feeling must have showed in her face, because the next thing she knew Ran was right next to her, whispering in her ear.

"Her name's Skuld— she's a goddess, love.  Only second class, but still divinity.  You can't get much higher up than that.  And there's her sister Urd, also a second class goddess.  Next ought to be Belldandy, who's a first classer.  You're jealous, aren't you?"

Usagi started in surprise, and then looked up and him with a raised eyebrow.  "Of course.  I'd like very much to be at the top of that list," she said, eyes fixed on the woman descending the stairs.

Feeling cranky now, Usagi was very much in the mood for wine.  Or a pair of violet eyes to cheer her up.  A funny comment would do her wonders right then.  Loneliness washed over her, then.  God, she missed Duo.  A few days ago she would have denied it until she breathed her last, but she was realizing more and more how much she truly….  

Usagi sighed out loud and shook her head slightly.  If she wanted to retain hope of ever getting over Duo, she had better not even think the damned L-word.  It would mean the end of her sanity.  She'd probably go nuts and do something very rash and most likely very, very stupid.

Then suddenly the sound of the final foot stepping onto the tiled floor echoed through the room.  Excitement swelled against the walls and pressed against Usagi's body.  She felt like she wanted to jump up and scream.

JUST GET THE GODDAMN PARTY STARTED!

And then as if it had been waiting for her cue, the party began.

*

So, Duo thought to himself.  Here he was.  At home.  All by his lonesome self.  Goddammit, he thought sourly.   He really was a screw up.  He should just accept it and get on with life…  life without Usagi….

"GGGGGGGAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he yelled into his empty house, dropping down onto his bed.

God, he was such a dumbass.  It was like some kind of curse upon him.  See girl, get with girl, inevitably lose girl.  The better the girl, the more explosive the breakup.  Jesus, it really kind of pissed him off!

He pressed his knuckles into his eyes and growled.  He felt helpless now, and that made him feel even worse.  Duo pulled himself to his feet and scuffed his way to the kitchen.  He needed food.  Or maybe beer.  Ugh.  To even think that a stupid _woman_ could reduce him to such a mess.  It was humiliating… and yes, that made him mad too.

He reached up and grabbed the box of Cheerios down from the cabinet and dumped the remaining cereal into his bowl.  Sighing to himself, he drowned it in milk.  Poking the mess experimentally with a spoon, he suddenly made a noise of disgust and dumped it all down into the sink.

"Aw, shit," he grumbled.

There was a creaking noise behind him.  He spun around quickly and scanned the room quickly.  The kitchen door was swinging slightly.  A cold hand clawed at his heart, and he gave the room an once-over again.

"Where the fuck are you?  I know you're in here, dammit!  I'm drunk and I'm dangerous!"

"If you're drunk," a voice purred from behind him, "that means that your reaction time is much, much slower," the person whispered into his ear, hands slipping around his waist.

He swore and spun around, finding himself face to face with… Usagi.  His voice got stuck in his throat.  As he tried futilely to clear the junk from his throat, she smiled at him and drew closer.

"Don't even try to talk, Duo," she whispered.  "That was always the problem, wasn't it?   It was always talk between us….  We never let each other really say anything though, did we?  I'll bet that if I had just listened to what you really wanted to say…  I'll bet things would be really different now, huh?"

A strangled cry managed to make its way out of his throat, and she smiled at his attempt.  "It told you to stop trying," she whispered, laying her gold head against his chest.

"Did we ever let ourselves just sit together?  Don't you wish that we still could?  Don't you wish that my pride didn't get in the way of the things I had to say to you?  Don't you wish that maybe _your_ pride wasn't getting in the way… now?" she asked, touching his throat with two feather light fingers.

"Doesn't all that wishing get tiring?" she asked, snuggling closer.  "Don't you wish that it was all over, and your pain could just go away?"

He felt his eyes beginning to close.  Yes.  Oh god yes, he wished it was over.  He just didn't have the energy to keep on pretending like he was over Usagi.  It was too tiring to even pretend that he would ever find someone.  It was useless—he led a cursed love life.  No one would ever love him.  Usagi was never coming back to him.  Life was never going to have a happy ending.

Suddenly the phone rang, but he blocked it out of his mind.  He just wanted to just drift away… screw everyone else.  Then the answering machine came on, and the last voice he ever expected to hear rang through his head.

"Um, god I feel like a moron.  Uhhh… shit.  Okay.  Goddammit, I'm not good at this!  Alright.  As friends, Duo, I could really use one of your… uh.  One of your _jokes_ right now.  I feel kind of shitty, and I'm at a party… and god that pisses me off… and it's all your fault… goddammit why couldn't you have just picked up your goddamn phone?  Okay, okay, I've got to go.  Maybe we can hang out if I ever come back to Tokyo, okay?  JESUS CHRIST I HATE DOING THIS!"

Then she hung up.

For Duo, it was like sunshine had just broken through a particularly dark cloud.  Suddenly remembering that he had been hallucinating about holding Usagi, he looked down.  And then he screamed and shoved the blue, scaly woman in his arms away from him.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously and she hissed, dropping down into fighting stance.  Duo shook his head like a dog and stared at her in total shock.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?" he asked incredulously.

"Basically," the creature hummed, "I've been sent to kill you.  It's all very complicated and confusing—"

"Care to explain it to me?  I'd really prefer to be killed for a cause that I know, rather then be randomly knocked off by your average scaly blue woman.  Okay?"

She sighed.  "Fine.  Basically it's like this.  There's a department of people that deal with supernatural love.  Specifically dealing with the Class A wild cards, like your ex-girlfriend Usagi.  Since they'd all fall madly in love with her upon seeing her, they sent one of their members in the form of a child to try to get Usagi back together with her true love, or else he'd have to kill her.  But see, it turns out that back in Serenity's old life she was quite a bit of a heartbreaker, and his was one of the hearts she broke.  She was also quite a bit older than he was, which didn't really help much.  It was all very scandalous and wonderful.  Anyways.  He decides that he doesn't want to see Usagi with anyone at all if it wasn't him, so he hires this horde of youma to attack Usagi and you.  Then there's this guy Ran who was supposed to be killing Usagi sometime soon, but we just got a report that he decided to fall in love with her instead, so now the only option we have is to kill you before Usagi realizes that you're her one true love (as corny as that sounds).  So pretty much he wants to bring on the apocalypse.  And since Usagi was very drunk when she just called you, the probability that you'll ever get back together is slim to none.  Sorry buddy.  You're going to die either way, so… suck it up."

"Would you mind being turned into a parrot?  You strike me as a very nice person, and I'd really hate to see you killed or something.  So how about you just not kill me, and become a pet parrot or something?"

Her jaw suddenly dropped wide open and he pointed a wavering finger at him.  "Oh my god!  HOW COULD YOU?  YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOSET TYPE A!  I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!" she screamed.

And then she disappeared.

Duo stared at the place that she had previously occupied and chalked it down to severe delusions brought on by waaaaay too much alcohol.  Yes.  Much too much alcohol.

Incidentally, there were two other boys who were enjoying much the same sensation.  Not the sensation of an insane woman with blue scales attacking you, but rather the sensation of having consumed more than what was considered to be a reasonable amount of champagne.

Draco and Harry, however, were completely unconcerned with their frightening inability to focus on the other.  Harry giggled, rolled his eyes madly and guffawed.

"And then he put his hand on my shoulder like this," the boy said practically falling over with the effort it took to put his hand on Draco's shoulder, "and told me the secret."

Draco giggled in response and leaned in closer, almost knocking Harry off balance.  "What was the secret?" he whispered loudly.

Harry frowned at him.  "Why are you whispering?"

The blonde boy was silent for a long time.  "I'm not whispering," Draco finally whispered.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!  Stop whispering Harry," Draco mumbled as he peered suspiciously down into his champagne glass.

Harry, stunned by the logic, reeled wildly and only barely saved himself from falling over… again.  "So… when I TALK LIKE THIS," he yelled, "I'm whispering.  And when I talk like this," he said softly, "I'm… not."

Draco shrugged and stole another champagne glass from the waiter.  "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," he said primly.

"You boys are utterly wasted," Usagi said amusedly, popping up beside them.

They both promptly gave her large hugs.  "Can I have your babies?" they asked in unison.

The blonde let out a loud laugh, indicating that Draco and Harry hadn't been the only ones drinking.  "Nooooooo," she said in a very peculiar voice.  Then she was grabbed by a passing man and whisked out to the dance floor.  Draco looked solemnly after her.

"What," Harry asked in fear, "sis… sit… sissy… itty… titty… heeheehee… is… _that_?" he implored, jabbing a finger at the floor.

"I think it's Usagi's… thing."

"Thing?"

"Yes," Draco said imperiously.  "Her thing."

They both looked at it.

"What does it do?" Harry asked finally.

"Things," Draco said promptly.

"Things?"

"Yes.  Things."

A pretty girl suddenly stomped towards them, black hair bouncing.  "Have you seen a jerk with silver hair and dog ears running by here?" 

They stared at her.  Obviously displeased at not getting a reaction, she stomped closer to them.  The two boys continued to stare at her.  Her face was getting red by now.  They both smiled in unison.  She opened her mouth to bellow.

They both beat her to the punch.  "Did you know that you're very, very pretty?" Draco and Harry asked.

The girl froze in her tracks.  "What?"

"You have beautiful hair," Harry began.

"And the most enrapturing eyes I have ever seen." Draco finished.

A tell tale blush spread like wildfire across her face.  Mortified at her reaction, she pressed her hands to her cheeks.  "Oh, I don't know what to say!"

"Say you'll stay," Harry asked sincerely.

"Please," Draco added for extra touch.

The two boys noted in amazement that they could see her cheeks burning through her fingers.  Then, after what seemed like an eternity, she nodded.

"Yeah, I guess so.  It's not like anyone I came here with cares about me.  I'm Kagome.  Who're you two?"

Draco opened his mouth and then shut it again quickly.  Then he shrugged.  "Platter."

"I… am… Mount… Rushmore." Harry said with great difficulty.

Kagome gave them a very odd look, and then laughed suddenly.  "You two are completely wasted.  I think I need to get dunk too," she suddenly declared.  "I'll be right back, though.  I need to save some blonde haired Galaxy Police woman or something from Miroku.  And then I'll need to save Miroku from Sango.  Hey, is this your cell phone?"

"Yes, that is our thing," Draco said imperiously as he carefully took it out of her hands.

She sighed and then laughed again.  "You have no idea how wrong that sounds.  I'll be right back!" she called over her shoulder as she ran off.

Once she was out of sight Harry grabbed the phone from Draco, pushed a random button, and held it to his ear.  They waited, Draco and Harry almost mashing their faces together in order to hear what was going on.  Suddenly the phone picked up.

"Usagi!  I got your call but—"

"What?" Harry gargled.  "Usagi?  YOU  KNOW HER?  DRACO," he "whispered", "THIS MUST MEAN THAT HE KNOWS HER EVIL THING THAT IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO… THINGS."

"Dude, you're drunk."

"Dude, _you're_ drunk."

"Dude, your mom!"

"Dude, your sister!"

"Dude…."  Draco paused meaningfully and flapped his hands.  "BOTH OF THEM!"

"Dude, stop whispering."

"DUDE, YOU'RE DUCKING FRUNK!"

Upon hearing these magical words they both gasped loudly and then exploded with laughter.  "Ducking frunk, ducking frunk, ducking frunk!" they bean to carol as they waltzed madly around the punch table.  Muttering nervously amongst themselves, the crowd backed slowly away, until someone hurtled himself at the table.

"TA RA RAH BOOM DEEEE AAAAYYYYY!!!!"

Then there was a huge roar and the crowd cautiously surrounding the table surged at it, all laughing hysterically.

When Kagome finally made her was back to where she remembered Mount and Platter being, she was shocked to find that she couldn't find her former companions anywhere.  She was about on the verge of a panic attack when something grabbed her leg and yanked her downwards.

She fell with a squawk and suddenly found herself staring right at Platter and Mount.  So.  There they were.  The three of them.  Sitting under the table.  Harry had a firm grip on her ankle while Draco was nursing another glass of champagne.  She swore softly, and then yanked her ankle away from Harry.

"Do you know how much you scared me?" she demanded hotly.

They said nothing.  Instead of using words, Draco waved his hand and another glass of champagne appeared.  Harry snatched it out of the air and offered it to Kagome.

"To being ducking frunk," he cheered.

She blinked, and then sighed.  She might as well give in to it.  Without knowing how she got to the party or how to leave, she was going to just have to sit it out.  And… seeing as Inu Yasha obviously didn't give a damn about where she was or what she was doing, she might as well sit it out drunk off her ass.

Yes, the other 90% of her brain told her.  Good idea.

So she took the glass.

MEANWHILE

Usagi turned a baleful eye on the appetizers.  They were still there.  She looked around warily, and took a small step towards them.  The world, following the pattern that had defined her life for the past few minutes, spun happily around her.  She felt like she should very much join the world's merriment, but there was food there, and she wanted to eat it, dammit!

"Here, do you need some help?" someone asked from behind her.

Her internal sex fiend alarm went off crazily, and she sighed in happiness.  It was about bloody time someone who just wanted a good time came along.  She turned around with a smile.  The man before her was by no means match for either of her two lo--- _friends_, but he was, all things considered, a very hot piece of ass.  His lavender hair fell messily in his eyes, and Usagi was suddenly struck by a realization.

The current long haired shaggy fad for guys was for the sole purpose of driving girls mad with the urge to brush it out of their eyes.  So, thinking of nothing else to do, she told him so.  His first reaction to that was surprise, but it was rather alarmingly replaced by a smirk.

"By all means, be my guest," he invited.

Usagi smiled and leaned closer to him.  "I don't even need to be invited," she whispered reaching up.

"Princess Serenity Usagi Ai Tsukino!  What on Earth do you think you're doing?" Queen Serenity snapped, marching up to her daughter.

Usagi didn't even pause, but wound her arms around the other man's neck.  "I'm just acquainting myself with this lovely young man.  Surely you don't have an objection to that, do you?" she asked, one eyebrow cocked.

The Queen sputtered.  "What about Ran?" she demanded finally.

"We're not even dating, Mother.  What you witnessed between us was called flirting.  Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go dancing with this guy, okay?"

"Some people never change.  Even after countless spells and multiple deaths.  Never _could_ get you over your little habit," Queen Serenity growled.

That comment, however, stopped Usagi.  She looked up at the man, and then drew away from him.  Then she spun on her mother, eyes blazing furiously.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, Mother?" she hissed, getting right up in the lavender haired woman's face.  "Maybe a little tidbit about my life that you perchance forgot to mention?"

"Girls, girls calm down.  As much as I'd love a bloody bitch fight, this is not the time," her aunt Lily said, breaking in between the mother and daughter.  "What Serenity here is talking about is a little trait that she locked away inside of you when you were…"

Usagi raised an impatient eyebrow.  "Yes?  What?"

"When you and Endymion made your engagement "official".  Before that time you were a bit of a, uh, rampant heartbreaker."

"You mean slut," a new voice broke in.  "Hi Serenity, remember me?"

Usagi looked at the new speaker with a smile.  "Yeah, if whatever they're saying is true, I guess that'd be the word to use.  I've heard it used often enough on me.  Now, if you'll excuse me," she said with a smile as she began to edge back towards the man, who reached out and inconspicuously began to draw her towards him.

"Oh no, you're not going ANYWHERE!  Mother, I want you to tell my dear cousin exactly what she was in her past life.  Now!" the girl yelled, shaking Usagi's arm furiously.

The blonde was feeling very much abused.  This was not how parties were supposed to go.  But there!  There, behind the girl in front of her, was salvation!  Something that would make her whole night feel better!  With this thought in mind she began sneaking slowly closer to joy.

Her Aunt Lily, who was apparently the mother of the other blonde menace, sighed heavily.  "Arimi, dear, I'm not going to tell your cousin anything that she doesn't want to— what the bloody hell are you doing?"

Usagi froze in the midst of disappearing under the table.  "I am," she said finally, "escaping so I can have one goddamn dance with that VERY UPSET MAN OVER THERE!" she shouted, waving an arm at the man.

They all turned and looked at him.  He was just standing there.  Apparently something tragic happened very suddenly, because he began to sob hysterically.  A look of true sadness overcame Usagi's fairy-like features.

"See?  This is all making him cry, and I feel that I need to set this to rights.  Now," she added meaningfully.

The girl scowled and crossed her arms.  "I'm not letting you go anywhere.  My name's Arimi.  I'm the reincarnation of your cousin from the Moon Kingdom, and I want to challenge you to a duel!"

A gleam came to Usagi's eye.  "Say, Arimi, since we're such good buddies and all, would you mind telling me where I can get some of what you're smoking?"

The blonde girl clenched her teeth.  "I'm SERIOUS!" she yelled.

Usagi sighed and stood up, dusting off her knees.  "Now listen here.  I don't know what you think you're doing, challenging me to a duel or whatever, but you've got to be kidding.  There is no way that you could beat me.  Hell, I whipped Chaos' ass, and he's apparently the big bad of the universe or whatever.  Why do you want to duel with me anyways?"

Arimi's cheeks were flushed with fury.  "For my boyfriend, Ginta!  He confessed that you two had a thing going while he was dating me!  And it was all your fault, too!"

Usagi was hard pressed to keep from laughing.  Yeah, she remembered Ginta.  She had decided to go to tennis camp over the summer one time while she and Duo were broken up, and she had a little fling with a guy there.  It *was* just a fling, and she was glad it was over.  He hadn't been all that great, and he kept on thinking that they were going out or some weird shit.  And he was blaming her for it?  Granted, she had a fair hand in the relationship (hahahaha, fair hand… *cough*) but it was as much his fault as hers.

"So then Ginta, you've forgotten exactly when we did hook up?" she asked lightly.  Ooooh watch the bastard squirm.  WATCH HIM SQUIRM!

He squirmed obligingly, and Arimi threw her arms around him protectively.  "You have no right to traumatize him like this!  Ginta's a great guy, and I know he wouldn't do that to me!  I know it!"

Usagi opened her mouth to snap out a nasty comment, but suddenly she met Ginta's pleading eyes and all her fight drained out of her.  It was love, for better or for worse.  And the guilt he would have to live with would be far worse than whatever scene she could possibly cause.

"Right, Arimi.  It was totally my fault.  But it was just a fling, and I know that I am a seductive little bitch," she said with a wink at the other girl, "so whatever.  A duel isn't necessary.  If my apology is all you needed, you have it.  So I'm really going to go dance with this nice man— by the way, what _is_ your name?" she inquired of the purple haired man.

"Trunks," he said with a grin as he captured her hand and dragged her out to the dance floor.  "I'd ask your name, but I've heard it being screamed at you all night, so I think I've got it down well enough.  So why'd you lie back there?"

Usagi shrugged and nestled her head on his chest.  "It was love.  I always feel bad about messing with it.  And the guilt he's going to feel will eventually be worse than what I could have done tonight."

"Out of curiosity, how _did_ you guys get started?"

Usagi laughed.  "I had been flirting relentlessly with him for about three days.  I had broken up with my boyfriend again and I was really in need of some attention.  He seemed like a nice guy, so I went for it.  I gave up after a while and was just going to go for one of the bigger sex fiend guys at camp, but then about after two days of no flirting whatsoever he cornered me—well, I let myself be cornered, more like it—and, well, _that_ was completely his fault.  It was, however, very nice," she said nostalgically.

Trunks laughed.  "You're still hung up on that boyfriend you broke up with, huh?"

WHAT?  Stunned, Usagi pulled away from him.  "What?" she whispered.  WAS SHE SO FUCKING OBVIOUS?  JESUS CHRIST!

The man opposite her chuckled again and drew her close.  "Princess, hmm?  I'd heard people talking about you all night, you know.  The way you smiled seemed to be a big topic.  Your attitude was another.  And another I heard a lot was the way you smelled," he mumbled, inhaling softly.  "I mostly looked for you out of curiosity, to see if there really could be a woman so amazing that people had heard about her everywhere.  So I found you, and you have no idea how surprised I was to see that they were all right about you."

Usagi sniffed.  "I catch myself by surprise in the mirror every day.  'Who could that lovely, nice smelling girl with a wonderful smile possibly be?'  And then I remember that it's me and—"

"Another topic of conversation was your arrogance," he interrupted with a laugh.

Usagi laughed in response.  Trunks' laughter was infectious, and it was nice to laugh.  With Ran it was always like it was too… intense to laugh.  "So your story's wonderful, but is there a point?"

He grinned down at her with a flawless white smile.  "Of course, dear.  When I found you, you were yelling into your cell phone at some man named Duo— about how you were bad at admitting that you were weak without him."

"I'm not weak without him!" Usagi snapped hotly.  "I can function perfectly fine without him!"

"You're weak without him," Trunks repeated, ignoring the blonde.  "And so I thought to myself, 'What kind of asshole would bring a woman like this one down to that level?'  To me, the answer was obvious.  He's the kind of asshole that you must be head over heels in—"

She clapped a hand over his mouth and squeezed her eyes shut.  "Please.  Please don't say it.  I've been forcing myself away from that word all night and if you say that word it will ALL be in vain and I swear to God that I will hunt you down and kill you once I'm done making a total fool out of myself," she hissed fiercely.

"What makes you think that you'd make a fool out of yourself?  You seem to be a quite reasonable person."

"Do I?" she asked, one eyebrow arched.  "That's strange, because I am quite enthusiastically not.  I am the kind of person who will make a huge scene—quite against my own will, of course."  She shrugged.  "These things happen to me," she said with a slight grin.

"And I'm sure that you love it that way," he smiled down at her.

"Mmmmm.  I do love it.  Until it comes down to this night, where I have to choose, I guess.  I hate it when that happens," she explained.

"I'm not sure I understand—"

Regretfully, he was cut off by a trumpet sounding off.  Confetti erupted from the sides of the grand staircase, and a huge lion burst out from behind the curtains.  Gold showered down from the ceiling, and somewhere someone burst out into a very badly sung rendition of Barenaked Ladies' "One Week".  At roughly the same moment there was a loud bang and a huge rip appeared in the air.  Mist billowed out from the mist, swirling quite nicely around the glowing figure that was slowly descending from the rip.

"What the hell is going on?" Trunks demanded, staring at the happenings in utter confusion.

Usagi plucked a glass of champagne off a passing tray, and took a sip.  "I'm pleased as piss to say that I haven't the faintest idea," she announced.  "I do know, however, that I'm not nearly drunk enough to be hallucinating this.  I need to fix that," she muttered, stealing another glass of champagne.

"Amen," Trunks muttered.  

* * *

DavesWickedAngel:  I'm THRILLED to the core that you like my story!  My computer crashed, so I lost all of the junk, which is why I haven't emailed anyone much lately….  Thousand apologies!!!!!!

Sage: The Dark Dryad:  I'm sorry it took so long to update!!!  You wouldn't believe how slow ideas can come.  And now… guess what?  I'm TOTALLY STUCK.  *weeps*

x3-staR3e-x3:  I'm not called Crazygurl for nothing!

kaekoe:  Thanks for the pigeon/chipmunk tip.  I'll make sure to watch out.  *dons protective gear*

Riru-chan:  I'm terrified of you.  I don't like being sat down!  *begins to cry*  And… and… GIVE ME INSPIRATION!  PLEASE!!!  I'm so humbled….

Lynn:  That's GREAT!  I love it when people love my stuff!!!!  I like spastic and crazy Usagi.  She makes me laugh.  I know, kind of (really) OOC… but… OH WELL.

Ginzou Tsuki:  Of COURSE I'll continue this and other stories… eventually….

Aisha Chang:  Cool indeed.

Yukai O Kitsune:  I have four words for you: thanks for the review!

Robin the Jarbog:  THE TOAST SONG SHALL RULE THE WORLD!  AND THE BEST JOKE IN THE WORLD INDEED!!!  Lol.  I'd forgotten about Duliet and Pomeo.  Wow.  Amazing what you can remember about jr. high when you read back over your old work….  THANKS FOR BEING A SUPER REVIEWER!

Celestial DreamBlaze:  UNSTABILITY IS MY FORTE!  I love your reviews….  THANKS FOR MAKING ME LAUGH MADLY!!!!!

Silver Blaze:  I WRITE TO PLEASE!!!!  *beams happily*  Of course… I also write to make sure that insanity in my work doesn't bubble up in ME…..

Chibi-Morri:  Differences aside, you're a great reviewer!  I'd better get it finished then, so you can refresh your memory (providing that you don't decide to hate me)!!!

adb:  I LOVE THE CRAZINESS OF THIS WORLD! 


	11. Chapter Eleven

The Cupid 500

Chapter Eleven

**LAST TIME**: Draco and Harry got drunk off their asses and dragged Kagome into their pit of drunkenness. Usagi had a confrontation with an ex-fling's girlfriend, which wasn't nearly as entertaining as Usagi hoped that it would be. Duo had a close encounter with the scaly blue kind, and discovered that a very drunk Usagi missed him. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? OH GOD!! I'M GONNA DIE! But not really, because you all need to know one thing (right now). What's going on with the Twister Playing posse?

* * *

"This is stupid," Mamoru complained. 

Ami bent over and studiously made another tally on Yohji's upper thigh. "Thirty seven!" she said brightly.

Yohji examined his leg carefully, and then swallowed. "Ami-koi... how high, exactly, do you planning on going?"

Her smile widened, and he grinned back. "It's just that you know," Yohji said with a leer, "any higher and you're going to have to let me write on your _own_—"

"YOHJI!" Quatre yelled, scandalized. "That is NOT appropriate language!"

"I didn't say anything," Yohji yelped, defending himself against the beet-red Quatre. "I was _going_--- Ami, what the HELL are you doing?" he demanded.

"Um.... Nothing?"

"Well knock it off! As much as I do enjoy your attention, Quatre's face can't get any redder--- Oh, never mind, there he goes. Hiiro, what the HELL is the matter with you?"

The awful looking man turned and fastened Yohji with the most horrible look Yohji had ever had directed at him. The man gulped and grabbed Ami's hands.

"Before I die, Ami-chan, I want you to know—"

"Oh shut up," she said fondly. "Hiiro, what _is_ the matter? You've been acting strange. Well, more strange than usual. And where's Minako? She usually stays over, doesn't she?"

Hiiro stiffened. "Why would I know where she is?" he growled.

"Because you guys are—"

"We aren't _anything_. We never _were _anything!" he snapped. "I'm leaving."

He shoved away from the table and bolted out the door, grabbing his coat on the way. The door slammed shut behind him, and there was a sigh. A small boy entered into the kitchen and sat himself down in Hiiro's vacated chair.

"See what kind of trauma she's causing?" he asked softly.

Ami, Yohji, Quatre, and Mamoru stared at the boy. "I think I probably should have stayed in jail," the older man muttered, putting his face in his hands.

"But then you would have missed out on all this entertainment!" Yohji bellowed cheerily.

"But I get out of jail and prepare to see my delicate little Usako, only to find that she's turned into a rampant heartbreaker! WHY COULDN'T SHE BE LIKE THAT WHEN WE WERE GOING OUT?"

"It's a natural defense mechanism," the boy said immediately.

"Who asked you?" Mamoru demanded rudely.

"What?" Quatre and Ami yelled at the same time.

Yohji nodded, as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. "Well you guys know what our little buddy here said. Usa-chan is a Type A, which we know means that she's everyone's true love. Her entire being is wrapped around that the idea of being in love is the greatest thing ever. To her, the worst possible thing that could happen is that she ends up dying cold and alone. So there's probably something inside of her that is reaching out to all of the men looking for love and drawing them towards her. She changes according to what she thinks will win herself someone's love. If one personality doesn't work, well, then—_this_ one might. Right?"

Ami blinked. "Wow Yohji-kun, I'm impressed! Have you been thinking about this a lot? I hadn't even figured that one out," she murmured.

Mamoru's eyes began to water. "But still—"

"Oh, quiet," Ami snapped. "Is there anything we can do, then?"

The little boy, who had been sitting quietly, smiled. "I just need your help with something. There's a petshop in Chinatown run by a certain man that will be attending your friend's party. There is a certain detective that will be very interested to know about all of this...."

* * *

Minako laughed and grabbed the hand of the man that she was standing in front of. It was her normal reaction to a breakup—go out and get some guy to buy her a drink. If she was in the mood, she'd have sex with him, and then drink some more. In the good old days that would be enough, because a battle would invariably come right after that, and Minako would be too busy to think about aforementioned breakup. 

But this time.... This time there was no enemy. No enemy, no distraction. No distraction, no barrier from the pain.

She sometimes felt like her curse was like the never-healing wound Hercules dealt Chiron. She would live forever, never being able to truly love someone. Her heart would never be able to keep someone inside of it. There was a gaping wound in it, and the blood rushing out of her heart swept away everything in its path.

Inwardly her face crumpled, but she kept a smiling visage. She wanted to forget, dammit! She wanted to go drown herself in alcohol! She wanted to just forget that she was a piece of shit for just one night.... She wanted one night without the constant ache in her heart.... She wanted one night without the reminder of that _goddamn asshole_....

So she was smiling, tugging, and flirting with the man with a desperation that betrayed some of her inner turmoil.

Who the hell was he, anyways? He had told her his name, but it went in one ear and out the other. It was meaningless. It didn't matter to her who he was, how old he was, where he worked, or what his life's dreams were. It didn't fucking matter anymore. It was just one night, one kiss, one touch....

And that's all.

It would never be anything more.

He said something, and applied pressure on her arm. Still smiling and saying whatever it was that he wanted to hear, she allowed him to lead her to the nearest bar. He spotted a table, and said something to her. She giggled without thinking about it, and he smiled down at her. She sat down, and he sat down with his hands deep in his blue pockets. She smiled again, and he raised his maroon eyes to her cloudy blue.

"So how do you like this place, Miss Anio?"

Minako smiled automatically. "It's wonderful, I'm sure we'll have a great time," she enthused.

"As soon you get drunk enough to forget the world, right Anio?"

She froze, and suddenly his sleepy eyes were glinting at her like steel. Her hands gripped the seat as she stared at him with wide, round eyes. What should she do? Should she just fess up or continue with her charade? Her mind flickered to the promised oblivion, and her resolve strengthened.

"It's always nice to have a few drinks, if that's what you mean," she said, feigning confusion.

He leaned back against the seat and smirked at her. "Cut the crap. I know your type. Smart girl with tragic love life. Let me guess, you just broke up with some guy and you're using me to get yourself booze and sex, right?"

She forced a hurt expression to her face. "I... I don't know what you mean! How could you accuse me of something like that?"

He didn't blink. "You really want to know?" he asked in that... voice of his. He reached across the table and grabbed her chin. "There are tear marks on your face. You've been biting your lip. There are nail marks in your palms. You forgot to put makeup on. You dressed hurriedly. I was watching you before you saw me. You were walking with your head low and your shoulders were shaking. And your eyes, finally. Pain. You can't hide things like that."

Minako jerked her head away and pressed herself against the seat. "Who are you?"

He smirked. "I already told you that. Another sign. My name's Spike Speigel. Your name's Minako Anio. Your boyfriend's name is...?"

"Game's up, I guess," she murmured.

"Oblivion is never the answer," he said seriously. "You have to face what you're afraid of. You have to hold your head high and always do the most you can with the time you're given here. And then when that time is up, meet it honorably."

She stared at him with wide eyes. "I'm Sailor Venus," she blurted. "My best friend is going to bring on the apocalypse because she's too damn stubborn to get together with Duo. Everyone's in love with her and everyone else is trying to kill her and she's taking it in a stride. Hiiro Yui was the most amazing guy I ever dated and he refuses to even make one civil remark to me. He won't even smile at me. I was cursed by one of my old loves and now I'm never going to be able to love ever again and you won't help me get drunk and no one's here to fight me because all of the bad guys are in England with Usagi because they all love her and I'm stuck h-here in Tokyo telling you all my s-s-secrets!" she managed to bawl before collapsing in a puddle of tears.

Spike grimaced. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He touched Minako's shoulder awkwardly. Responding to his touch, she raised her head, took a good look at his expression, and burst into a fresh set of tears.

"Ah shit," Spike muttered.

"What the hell did you do, Spike?" Jet demanded, coming up beside him. He tapped Minako's arm concernedly. She raised her head, and her lip trembled.

"Will you help me get drunk?"

Jet was frozen in his tracks. He raised an eyebrow at Spike, who mouthed the problem. Jet sighed a bit and nodded in response. He nudged Minako over to the side, and sat down beside her.

"Listen girl, by the looks of it Spike has already given you some advice. Don't listen to him, unless it made sense to you. You just do what your heart tells you. That's all you can ever do. If you know that what your heart says is not good for your life, then listen to the logic of you brain. Depart from all emotion and just go with that. You obviously know that a healthy relationship is not one-sided, so you left him. What are you going to do now?"

She raised a tear stained face. "I want to get far away from this place. I want to leave and never come back. I want to never have to deal with love ever again. I want—"and here she paused, because--

--_there was something on her leg_. A melodious giggle floated up from under the table, and Minako watched in mute horror as a boneless, redheaded snake slithered up from the darkness. The being wrapped its arms around Minako's neck and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Mmm mmm good!" the thing yelled happily.

"Ed, get _back_ here! Oh, hey Spike. Jet," a woman said coming up to their table and putting a fist on her hip. "Who's the girl?"

"Hello Faye," Jet growled.

"Just broke up with her boyfriend. Apparently they were madly in love. She's also Sailor Venus," Spike said, looking contemplatively into the salt shaker that he had just dissected.

The woman arched an eyebrow. "Sailor Venus? Bullshit. She's probably just some random crack head wandering the streets with a sob story because she's too much of a loser to get a job," Faye yawned, waving a hand airily.

Spike eyed his female companion and sighed when Jet slammed his hand down on the table. "Dammit, Faye, look who's talking! Women!" he groused, scowling darkly at the woman.

Faye's eyes went to Minako, who was watching Ed cautiously out of the corner of her eye. "Proof," Faye said with a grin.

Minako glanced up, brows furrowed. "Huh?"

"Proof! _Show_ us that you are who you say you are," she challenged, crossing her arms.

Minako didn't even raise her head, but muttered a few words under her breath. Suddenly she was Sailor Venus, and Spike, Jet, and Faye were staring in amazement. Ed snuggled closer.

"Warmth of love, yahoo! Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day," she sang. "Cheer up Vee-vee, no one wants to see you so sad!"

"I don't believe it!" Faye hooted. "This is great!"

There was a shimmer of barely noticeable light and Venus was Minako again. She looked into Ed's smiling face, and grinned reluctantly. "You're pretty cute for a kid, you know," she sniffled, ignoring Faye's tirade of speech.

Faye paused, and then snorted. "You don't know her. A few days in the same ship as that kid and I guarantee that you'll go crazy. Say," she said, eyes shining dangerously. "Since Ed here is pretty much sexless anyways, how about you join us? We could use another female around! What do you say?"

Minako blinked, surprised. "What is it that you do?"

"We're bounty hunters," Faye breathed, endeavoring to make it sound like a cool thing to be. "We travel throughout the galaxy hunting down doers of bad things. That's pretty much what you do anyways, right? And seriously, there's no better way to get over a guy than to hang around these two assholes for months. I swear, they'll make you want to be a lesbian, or jump on the first guy you see off the ship," Faye complained loudly, flopping down beside Spike, who looked at her like she was carrying some kind of communicable disease.

* * *

Hiiro tipped the bottle up and stared at the empty insides. That wasn't right. Hadn't it been full only a few moments before? An ache ripped through his chest, and he clamped it down. 

It was _her_ fault.

That damn blonde haired, blue eyed Senshi of Love. If she had never turned those eyes to him and if those lips hadn't formed those damning words....

Those simple, damning words.

The three words capable of making a great man fall.

And, dammit, he fell fucking _hard._

The ex-pilot's eyes fell from his empty beer bottle, hating everything around him. He had always known that love was no good. How could it possibly be worth anything when it was making him so wretched? The world around him seemed bitter and tinged with the color dried blood. His heart beat hollowly in his chest, and his skin itched all over, like all of the moisture had been sucked dry. His skin was so dry it felt like paper, but he was so _hot_ inside, he was half afraid that his skin would burst into flame--

That was what love truly was: fire. An inferno of the heart. The fury of the ignited soul. The numbness as thought melted away, leaving a person wide eyed in amazement that something so wonderful could _burn so brightly._

And if one wasn't up to it, the flames would destroy him or her.

"I don't see how she could handle it," Hiiro mumbled.

"And so," laughed someone from another table, "I just glared at him and told him that I could do it! No one was going to keep me from what I wanted!"

_Usagi, arms wrapped around Duo, laughing._

How could she have possibly lived— and even thrived— under the constant blaze? And Minako herself! "Burned" by love so many times, yet ever ready to throw out her heart on a line, always ready to take a chance on someone....

Always ready to reel back the broken pieces.

"And so I grit my teeth and watched the pitcher wind up and I saw the ball rocketing toward me and for one horrible second I thought that I couldn't get my arms to move—"

And then there was him, sitting in the dark corner, waiting quietly for an invitation— and not even that would be enough. Minako had flirted, cajoled, pleaded, and then, finally, all pretenses had been shot down and she had been brutally honest with him.

"_I want to see you, Hiiro,"_ she had said simply, watching him with blue, blue eyes.

"—but then I thought to myself: okay Naota, you can't even _lose_ until you just swing the goddamn bat—"

So he let her see him. Not all of him, no. His soul was twisted too tightly around himself for anyone to ever understand, let alone _see_ it. He had tried to tell her. He had tried to explain to her that he didn't need anyone. He had tried to tell her, in the most _not_ way possible, that he was terrified of her. He tried to _not_ tell her that he was dying inside.

She hadn't listened. She had poured herself into him anyways and he had rejected her, pushed her away, ignored her, tried to hate her, _tried_ _not to care_....

And she left.

"Well," came a new, impatient voice. "Did you hit the ball?"

"Nah," the man said mildly, the smile plain in his voice. "But I swung the bat. And that was worth loosing. I knew at that second that I had a _chance_. It was just... you know?"

"_It was just... you know?"_

The words echoed over and over in his mind.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! What kind of moron was he? In an action completely uncharacteristic of Hiiro Yui, he growled, yanked viciously on his hair, and bolted from the bar.

* * *

"So what you're trying to tell me is that this is my brother," Usagi said, eyeing the beaming man with distrust. 

"Yes," her aunt smiled.

Usagi's eyebrows knit together. "The one that died."

"Yes," her aunt said, her smile not loosing one ounce of its sincerity.

"The one that died, and has since enjoyed frequent Earth parties and is happily engaged to various princesses he has saved in distant lands?"

"Yes, well, we don't approve much of his... affinity with the ladies, but there's not much to be done. It's not as if we can kill him for his transgressions," the old woman cackled.

"And so he's the brother that my mother somehow neglected to inform Shingo and I about? The one that is the prince charming of the modern universe? The one that probably would have gotten killed by an angry father had he survived?"

A gleeful shout rang out across the hall as the object of conversation flung himself towards his nearest friend.

Her dear auntie sighed and massaged her temples. "He is indeed. Don't mind him," she said, pointedly ignoring his rather enthusiastic way of greeting one of the women, "he really was quite charming. Dying , you know, has odd effects on come people. Some, like yourself, come out relatively unscathed. Others, like our dear Yuu, go a bit mad."

Usagi's mouth curved into a smile. She always reacted well to nutters. They were so much easier to get along with then the damn sane folk. The man that they had been talking about caught sight of them and let out a joyful roar.

"SISTER DEAR!" he bellowed enthusiastically.

The blonde woman suddenly found herself enveloped in a bone crushing hug. "Can't breathe, Yuu," she croaked, already envisioning the horrible cracking noise as her bones snapped in half.

He dropped her immediately and folded over in a tidy bow. "Forgive my lack of propriety, my lady sister. As I'm sure our aunt has warned you, death has odd effects on a few people. I myself have suffered a rather unique consequence," he said as he straightened back up. He paused, looking sorrowful.

She looked at him expectantly.

He wriggled his eyebrows meaningfully at her.

Her eyes narrowed.

"Fine!" he exploded. "I see that mother has taught you no manners whatsoever! No dramatic flair! No sense of melodrama! It's the art of a truly gifted man!"

"It's also the art of a truly gay man," Usagi said, taking her brother by the arm.

He looked offended. "Why I never!"

"Kissed a guy before? There's a first time for everything," she said briskly, leading him towards the punch table, intent upon getting him wildly drunk and possibly into unconsciousness. She noticed the danger too late, and by then it was too late to stop and _run--_

"MOTHER!" Yuu roared, picking Usagi up and slinging her over his shoulder.

The only way to describe the following situation was "pure and utter chaos". Ikuko, startled by Yuu's overly enthusiastic greeting, flung her arms up and screamed becomingly. Her wine glass hit the fire-breather in the eye, making him twist in a wholly ungodly way. The flame from his redirected mouth burnt its merry way through a woman's hair. The woman, upon realizing that her head was ablaze, screamed and flung herself into the punch bowl. The table collapsed, causing Draco, Kagome, and Harry to giggle madly and dash around in circles once they had gotten out from under the crumpled table. The three ran into a silver haired demon, who brought out a rather hefty sword and began swinging it around menacingly. An adorable braided boy, apparently deciding that it was his duty to protect... well, anyone, attacked the other boy head on. Chibiusa did not seem to appreciate that her date (apparently the braid) was in danger, and so began firing random energy blasts at the silver haired boy.

Usagi blinked, and rubbed her eyes. Yuu put her down, and grinned widely at her. "I love... being," he said happily, waving an all-encompassing arm at the throng around them.

"You're a bloody genius," she said in awe. He was now her god. "Would you mind terribly if I built an altar to you?" she asked breathlessly.

He brushed floppy blonde bangs out of his eyes and grinned at her, alerting her to a sudden shift in topic. "You don't remember me, do you? Well, obviously not. You were only created... well, you were created at the age thirteen. I was made about three years before that, but I got to start out as a seventeen year old. No pesky growing up for us," he said, beaming with pleasure.

Usagi froze. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Yuu paled. "You mean they haven't told you yet? Oh bloody hell," he groaned, rolling his eyes skyward.

The blonde drew the remains of her fragile sanity together and let her eyes express the monumental depth of rage that was building in her. Yuu looked worried.

"Dear sister, you can't go blaming mother for this. She and father were unable to reproduce, and since they wanted someone special, Aunt Elizabeth took them shopping for souls, and they chose us. Once they had our souls they stuffed them into these bodies, fell madly in love with them, and then raised them as their own. Of course, it was only a few years later that it occured to them that it was a little bit strange how the salesman practically thrust our souls at them without actually _looking _at any of the other ones," he mused.

Usagi had never felt so lost in her life. "You're saying that...." And that was about the extent of her thought process. She hit a mental wall with a terrific amount of force and felt the beginning jigs of a migrane.

Okay. Time to get a hold of herself. Damn brother. Seemed like he was just another tool used by fate to completely and totally rip apart her sanity. A groan slipped out of her, and she dug at her temples with her fingers. _Why_ did her life have to go like this? Why? She was a good person! She never hurt anyone who didn't deserve it in the first place!

"Nng," she whimpered.

Apparently feeling awful for her, Yuu gathered her in a tender hug.

"I know that you're going through a rather difficult time right now, and I feel terrible for you. But just imagine how poor Duo feels," he said, managing to sound concerned and completely malicious at the same time. Dig brother! Dig those dirty fingers into the bleeding wounds! It's not like emotional scars need to _heal_ or anything....

Usagi blinked in an owlish manner. "What?"

Yuu nodded wisely. "Yes, yes indeed. He's just broken up with the girl of dreams, and when he expected to get back together with her in a few days, she suddenly vanishes. So as she is away in England trying desperately to make believe nothing happened, he's trying to heal himself, but he can't, because—"

"SHUT UP!" she screamed.

The entire hall fell silent, and Usagi went beet red. Groaning quietly, she tried to cover her face with her hands. She _knew_ that she was going to make an idiot out of herself eventually. It had ceased to be a matter of if and rapidly become a matter, instead, of _when_. At least she knew that it was over.

She smiled prettily at the party-goers, who, upon being reassured by the pretty woman's smile, immediately began talking again. Ignoring Yuu's amazed expression, Usagi took him gently by the arm and applied as much pressure as she was able to. And, being a super hero and all, that meant a lot of pressure.

He hissed slightly and tried to yank his arm out of her grip. Usagi was having none of that. She dragged him gently down to her level. "Listen, _brother_, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but listen up. _I am not in love with Duo Maxwell._"

At those words, something inside of her—that something that protected the love for him that she hid away—vanished. It felt like God had kicked her in the stomach and then dragged her brain out through her belly button. A soft, pained whimper escaped her lips, and she doubled over.

Relieved of the pressure on his arm, Yuu rubbed it ruefully and then knelt next to her. "You probably shouldn't have said that, Usagi," he said quietly.

She didn't hear him. All she heard inside was the sound of nothing. No clamoring voices screaming at her to eat her own shit and get back together with Duo. No consciences shrieking for her to forget Duo and go with Ran. No doubt, no fear, no anger, no bitterness....

Nirvana was the word. Blessed nothingness. The moment when you overcame all emotions. That was it exactly. Her heartbeat pounded dully in her temples as she slowly straightened back up. Blue eyes lifted and met her brother's. The look on his face was bittersweet.

"Love live magical solutions and hidden catches," he muttered, wrapping an arm around her shaking shoulders.

"What happened?" Chibiusa asked worriedly, appearing at Usagi's side.

Yuu glanced down at her. "NIECE!" he roared happily.

Chibiusa took the time to look affronted before taking off to anywhere but where her beloved uncle was. Yuu took this as his cue to chase her relentlessly, and so ran after her joyfully, looking for all the world like a little puppy dog.

For once in the short time she had known her older brother, she was grateful. She, as any dutiful sister would, had caught the subtle sub-text of his loud greeting to her daughter. _YOU OWE ME, BITCH,_ was technically what he was saying.

And she _did_ owe him. She owed him big time. Usagi, struggling not to fall apart, made her stumbling way to a round table positioned on the edge of the dance floor. Carefully eyeing the chair to make sure that it wasn't going to go anywhere when she tried to sit, Usagi edged closer to the innocent looking chair. Upon deciding that it was only a chair and NOT an instrument of her early demise, she thankfully dropped onto the chair... and then onto the ground.

The damn chair moved.

That was when she decided that it was a good time to burst into tears.

She was not having a good night.

* * *

Incidentally, Belldandy wasn't having a very nice night either. Keiichi had vanished somewhere into the crowd, Urd had wandered off with some evil scientist or another, and Skuld was chatting animatedly with a blue haired woman on the mathematics of wielding a large, destructive gavel. 

So she had retreated to a punch table, feeling very lonely and very stupid. No one else was alone. Everyone had someone else to be with. Even the moronic little high schoolers had banded together to form a drunken trio of fools.

And then there was Belldandy, a beautiful first class goddess. Alone.

It was times like these that made Belldandy question human nature. In the normal social setting men would fall all over themselves to come within three feet of her. But then in this party setting everyone seemed attracted to the most animated person. For a while that had been the blonde princess, whose name was constantly being screamed at her from across the ballroom. But then the focus was taken off her for a while when her brother appeared, only to shift to the beautiful both of them when she screamed at him in the middle of a dance. Then she vanished, and the brother had all of the attention as he chased his wayward niece across the floor.

Again, leaving Belldandy alone.

Feeling truly pathetic, she turned back to the punch and desolately sipped her punch. Some sort of sound teased at her ears, and her eyes followed accordingly. What she saw was heartrending to say the least.

The same princess from before was sitting, slouched against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees, head on her arms and sobbing unabashedly.

Her full goddess instinct kicked in, and she was sitting by the woman in less than an instant. She reached out a hesitant hand and touched the woman's shoulder.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly.

The woman raised a tear-stained face. Her lip trembled, and even more tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm jealous of you," she announced despite the obvious pain she was in.

Belldandy blanched, but recovered nicely. "What on earth for?"

The blonde sniffled, and tilted her head back. "Because I am a ferocious egomaniac. I wanted to be first on that list. I wanted to be important... more important than anyone else," she explained. "I have to be, you see, or else I can't explain my bitchiness."

Even though she hadn't felt the feeling herself, the goddess had a vague idea of what the princess meant. But still... that wasn't why the tears were coming so quickly.

She opened her mouth to ask another question, but the woman carried on without being asked. She obviously needed this off of her chest.

"You know, though, it's my bitchiness that has really gotten me into all of this trouble. See, I'm a type of person who absolutely anyone anywhere anytime can fall in love with. But I can't necessarily fall in love with them, you see. But... I _did_ fall in love. And because he was so wonderful I had to break up with him. I'm still not really sure why we even began that stupid tradition. I guess it was because I dumped him first because I still felt like I had some sort of destiny to carry out. Then when we got back together his pride insisted that he dump me. And then my pride took it further and made me dump him next time... you begin to see my problem. Because then I actually fell in love with him. But my damn pride DEMANDED that I not give in...."

"What happened?" Belldandy prompted.

"And then Yohji gave me the idea for the perfect revenge. _To not react_. See how that would be wonderful? All the times before I had done something spitefully evil to him, and then we kissed and made up. By _not_ doing that evil thing, that implies to him that I don't give a damn. And so he started going out with someone else, whom I instantly hated. But hey—I was going out with _her_ ex too, so...."

Belldandy didn't say anything. The blonde gave her a weak smile. "You're a good listener. I know my story's really stupid too. Giving up love for Yohji's and my dual revenge on our exes. But then Yohji fell in love with one of my friends. And then everyone was in love except me. And then people that were in love with me kept popping up, and I was grateful for a while because it kept my mind off of him.... But then everything began making me think of him and I knew I was going to go crazy if I didn't get away. So I came here. Then my friend calls me up to tell me that Duo broke up with his new girlfriend. But then _here_ there was Ran, who I honestly think I could love, and I mention that to my friend. The aforementioned friend tells me that my ex gave up all rights to me to Ran. I was hurt. I tried all night to convince myself that I didn't love him, and I finally said it straight out. And..."

"And?" Belldandy asked softly.

"Something broke," the other woman said miserably. "It's gone. My love for him. There's a big hole where it used to be."

"But isn't that a good thing?" Belldandy asked curiously. "You're no longer chained to him, right?"

A new tear slipped down the woman's cheek. "But if I'm free now, and I don't love him, shouldn't I feel happy? I think I should, and that's really funny, because I don't. I feel absolutely miserable, and I don't know why," she whimpered.

They were both silent, leaving Belldandy to contemplate a new view on human nature.

It seemed that some chains were more welcome than others.

* * *

Author's Notes: 

Haha, I lost this chapter! I updated chapter 12 as chapter eleven, so nothing made any sense and people were all like... blah, what's going on? And I thought that was silly because I REMEMBER IT MAKING SENSE. But then I go back through and read it, to find out that... well CRAP. There's a chapter missing!

So I found it, and I'm giving it to you! Aren't you HAPPY?

And, as for my update status.... I've run dry on LOKI pretty much. I know how I'm going to end it but have no idea how to get there. Sympathy for the Devil is trying my ability to allow horrible things to happen to my characters! Pushing the Sky is plodding along although NO ONE IS READING IT (mostly) and I've got about fifteen one shots going. I AM A MULTI-TASKER!

I'm also distracted.

Why?

Green Day. October 21st. Reliant Center. Tickets? Mine.


	12. It's All Been Done

The Cupid 500

Chapter 11

"..."

Last time: our protagonist was accosted by her dead brother whom she had previously been unaware of, and was begged to impregnate some impressionable young children. The cast grew to include Ah! My Goddess, Ranma, and Inuyasha (among others). Usagi has a breakdown, and a chair tests her strength of will, which is not very strong at this particular point in time. She cries.

"Misery wears a lovely dress tonight," a soft voice remarked.

Usagi's head snapped up, and hot eyes fastened on cool ones. The beautifully slanted eyes flickered over her face, rested briefly on her throat, and then moved back to her eyes. The blonde woman's fingers unconsciously brushed her jugular, and then, suddenly realizing what she was doing, changed the motion to tuck her hair behind her ears.

"It has been my experience that Misery's dress has always been too pricey for me," she said guardedly.

"And yet you wear it all the same," the man said smoothly. "Let me ask you; how much did you pay for such a lovely outfit? It becomes you nicely. It truly brings out your eyes," he practically purred.

Belldandy, who had been watching the exchange silently up till this point, rose gracefully to her feet. "What is it, exactly, that you want here, sir?" she asked dangerously.

That silky, liquid smile spread across his face. "Why Belldandy-sama, it would seem that you're being a bit antagonistic. What would ever be the reason for that?"

The goddess narrowed her eyes. "Because I know who you are—"

"If you know who I am like you think you do, you would know that I am not anyone you need to be concerned about, my lady," he said with a slight bow. "I am a simple collector. I travel the world to find treasures, and it would appear that I have found one."

"Just leave her out of this!" Belldandy snapped, fire burning in her eyes.

Usagi struggled to her feet behind Belldandy and wiped careless fingers across her tired eyes. "Okay, so who the hell is this guy? Or what is he? I'm really not in the mood for the guessing game right now, just to warn you ahead of time."

"Usagi," Belldandy said warningly.

The blonde pushed the other woman out of the way. "Can it, O Divine One. I seriously don't think that anything could make me feel shittier than I do right now. I'm fine. This asshole can't do anything to me that hasn't happened already."

"Except for one thing," the man said helpfully.

Two sets of eyes swung towards him: one cold and wary, and the other sad... and possibly the tiniest bit hopeful. "Oh yeah," Usagi demanded belligerently. "And just _what_ might the hell that be, huh?"

"Your senseless bravado is getting you nowhere, my dear," he said with a kindly smile. "And as I was going to say, there _is_ something I can offer you that has probably never come your way before."

"I seriously doubt that," Usagi snapped, angry at the man's ability to see through her front.

"Darling, when God put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole," he said with an amused smile.

Usagi jerked backwards, and then jabbed a finger at him. "Hey now, don't be an ass! That's just...." her speech slowed, as something familiar caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. _No way._ "Rude. Just rude," she finished lamely, having pretty much forgotten what she had been going to say in the first place.

"Did you find her?" bubbled a cheerful voice. Only a half second later there was a girl inspecting the shorter Usagi with a trained eye. "Yeeeeeaaaaah you found her. Whatcha gonna do now?" she begged.

He cast an experienced glare at her that sent her flinging herself into the crowd sobbing. His eyes lightened momentarily, and then turned back on Usagi, who was looking after the girl with an expression bordering on shock.

"Puppy love," he said with a secretive little smile.

She glared at him. "Excuse me?" Usagi demanded, overriding Belldandy's angry yelp.

A satisfied expression slid across his face. "Now that I have your full attention," he continued in exasperation. "I have come to collect."

Belldandy and Usagi stared at him blankly. Usagi frowned and opened her mouth, only to be interrupted by a light hand on her arm. There was only the lightest pressure of fingers, and only the subtle shift in temperature and the most vague scent, and the bottoms dropped from Usagi's eyes. She turned, slowly.

"It's _you_," she breathed.

A fleeting smile flickered across his face. "I'm afraid so," he said in his soft, sweet voice.

"What are you doing here?" Usagi gasped, fingers clutching impulsively at his sleeve.

"I was sent by the gods to give you an ultimatum, which you may or may not have heard by now," he said, looking very embarrassed. "You have two choices that are given to you by Fate, who has decided to be a bit more lenient with you than she had originally planned to be. You may either fall back in love with Duo, or die."

There wasn't enough strength in her left to be put off by this _absolutely ridiculous_ challenge. Usagi sighed and dredged up the last remaining reserve of her energy to reply. "Mali, you can be sure that there is no way in hell I'm going to let myself fall back in love with him, and I'm not going to die. So there's some other way out of this."

_When did her life become a soap opera?_

Belldandy watched Usagi's mystery man and the kimono-ed man exchange a veiled, dangerous look. The man in the lovely kimono moved to touch Usagi's arm, but the other was there first, steering her away from Belldandy and the Chinese man. The goddess watched them go, and then glared up at the man.

"This is your fault, you know," she said unhappily.

He raised an eyebrow. "How is this possibly my fault?"

"Because you're in cahoots with Love, and you two threw this wild card and you _knew_ it was going to be crazy with her because combined with her genetics and the ace—"

"Even you are affected," he said in bland amusement. "It's interesting, isn't it? How one person can have such a resoundingly profound effect on a person simply by turning on a smile or waving a hand or letting one's eyes sparkle in a certain way.... The human heart is such a fragile thing."

"Which is why you have no business playing with it!" Belldandy exclaimed, not even bothering to examine why her normally gentle nature had... changed.

That warm smile crossed his face again. "I'm afraid that she is one treasure I must have," he explained. "She is a precious specimen. These crass fools can never appreciate what she truly is. She is... priceless."

Belldandy couldn't find anything to say, and instead settled for giving him a disapproving look. "But she's not an animal, Count," she said softly.

"But neither is she human," he returned just as quietly. "She is too good for them."

"There are a lot of people that wouldn't agree with you, you know. There are a lot of people that think she is just some... easy, foolhardy, stubborn woman with a vicious mean streak."

"They are wrong. She is what they live for. She is the hope of mankind." A small, wicked smile tilted his lips. "And that hope is something they need desperately," managing to make it a weighty truth and stinging insult at the same time.

Belldandy raised an eyebrow. "She's a nice woman and I know that she's saved the universe on numerous occasions but don't you think that's taking it a little bit far? I mean... you make it sound like she's some neo-Jesus save-the-human-race figure. I don't think that's she's that kind of girl, Count."

He shook his head. "You don't understand. She is completely and purely in love. That is an _ideal_. It is a _reason._"

"There you are, Count!" a blonde man roared behind them, dropping his hand heavily on the delicate man's shoulder.

A very odd notion crossed Belldandy's mind as she observed the interaction between the "dear detective" and the count. There was such a peculiar quality to the count as he reprimanded the detective on drinking so much. There was a faint answering air about the detective, although heavily guarded and rejected. What... what was it? It felt so familiar, and it was _right in the back of her mind_....

Her eyes widened suddenly and she covered her mouth with a tiny hand to stifle a giggle. The two men turned around and looked at her with similar pained expressions. The count's mismatched eyes were watching her, and then a horrifying smile that was a mixture of total lechery and ultimate sweetness crossed his face and Belldandy found herself regretting her decision to stay loyal to Keiichi no matter what.

"You'll help me, then?"

She sighed, and swallowed another giggle. "I'll help."

The count squealed and threw his arms around her. "Thank you!"

A sufficiently embarrassed and shocked Belldandy disengaged herself from the count's overenthusiastic clasp and stepped gently away. How... weird. She couldn't believe she was about to help the count do this. It was so... against her moral obligations as a goddess.... But he looked _so happy_ and ignoring the detective's general inclinations the emotion was _there_ so if she just cast a Truth of Love spell on the two of them, then....

She muttered the spell under her breath and clasped her hands together. The wind sprung up around her, playing with her hair and brushing gentle fingers across her skin. It heard her words and picked them up and memorized them and... giggled. Yes, Belldandy was fairly certain that the wind giggled in delight before happily enveloping the count and the detective— Leon, was his name?

"D, what the hell are you doing?" Leon whimpered, endeavoring to sound very masculine while he did so.

"Oh, _I'm_ not doing anything," the count said airily, with a smug smile on his face. This was definitely turning out to be his night. His eyes roamed across Leon's face, and the smile grew. Yes, his night indeed.

"THIS IS A SONG ABOUT A BOY WHO KISSED ME ON THE FACE!" the lead singer of the current live band roared before letting his rocking fingers have at the guitar strings.

"How... _appropriate_," Belldandy murmured with a bemused smile on her face.

"Woman, what the hell did you do to us?" Leon yelped in a very manly way.

The goddess fidgeted. "No-thing," she hummed.

"You're under arrest—"

"Come on darling, let's not bother the little goddess, although I'm sure we'll be seeing her later... no do _not_ touch those inferior snacks, I'll make you something much better than that trash when we finish up here and get back to the shop—detective!"

And their voices faded into the throng, and Belldandy mused over the intricacies of human psyche. The Count himself was enigmatic and dark and sinister and smooth and was _the perfect villain_ and was at the same time a feminine pet shopkeeper who delighted in sweets and had a large and hungry soft spot for a certain member of the police force. Leon was a gruff, overly excitable and handsome detective who happened to harbor a purple streak of deep affection for the aforementioned count. And Usagi....

Belldandy turned to where Usagi and — Mali, was it? — were sitting at a small table, talking earnestly.

"Tell me that's not Mali," a woman asked plaintively from behind her.

"Alright," Belldandy said agreeably.

There was a long silence, and then a heavy sigh. "Damn," the woman said reflectively. "This isn't... good, really, you know," she said conversationally. "Bad, in fact. He ought to be dead. Because... bad news, that boy."

The goddess made no response.

"Yep. Bad news," the woman pressed.

Belldandy echoed the woman's sigh. There was no telling how long the woman would be there unless Belldandy asked the inevitable question. "Excuse me, but _why_, exactly, is he bad news? And who the hell are you... in relation to him, Serenity-sama?" Belldandy covered smoothly.

The purple haired woman gave her a pleased look. "He was my daughter's first fiancée, back in the Moon Kingdom. He was three years younger than her and madly in love, and I think she might have loved him too, but.... The wild card," she said with a dramatic little sigh. "My daughter and he had made a pact that they could both see other people, and, like the young adults they were, got wildly jealous of the other when they _did_ see others. I think it was an act of jealousy and I think she was trying purposely to hurt him.... But she slept with his brother, who was a few years older than her. _He_ was engaged to the Princess of Venus, who then slept with Mali in retaliation. My daughter was furious with both Mali and Venus, and seduced Venus' brother. Mali, who had arranged a whole romantic apology, walked in on them."

"Oh," Belldandy said in a tiny voice.

"It sounds like a soap opera, doesn't it? No one knows about that side of the Silver Millennium. Everyone thinks it was all goody two shoes wholesome goodness.... Anyways, Mali killed himself, and Earth broke off the engagement to Venus because an alliance with us was more important, because by this time we had conquered Venus. They engaged the surviving prince Endymion to my daughter, who was then killed by a lovesick woman that had made a deal with...." Queen Serenity laughed ruefully. "Well, that doesn't matter, I guess. Poor Pygmalion," she said sadly.

"Pygmalion?" Belldandy asked in surprise. "As in Pygmalion from the Greek myth?"

"Pygmalion, who was so in love with the ideal woman that he would have no other," Serenity agreed, watching the two ex-lovers at the table.

She wanted to jump across the table and hug him and cry, and beg him to forgive her for the whole, stupid mess. She wanted to slap him on the shoulder and share the easy rapport that they had in the past. She wanted to grin, and ask him how his day had been. She wanted to ask about who he was now, and what he had been doing, and whether he had fallen in love....

But what she said was, "Long time no see, Mali." Stupid. Cliché. Inappropriate.

He smiled into his wine glass. "I guess it has, hasn't it? Been a long time, I mean."

"Yeah," she mumbled, twisting her napkin in her lap.

There was silence, broken only by Mali's fingers tapping out the offbeat of the song playing. _I'll be happy on the day it dies. Remember when I said I loved you? Well, I take it back. I was just a stupid kid back then, I take back every word that I said. Those things that used to make you cry, one of them was me for just a little while...._

How... appropriate, Usagi thought with a grimace. "So," she began uncomfortably. "What are you doing here?"

"Giving you your ultimatum," he said promptly. "Sere, did you love them?"

She blinked owlishly at him. "Excuse me? Who? Love... what? The choices of my ultimatum? No, not so much, really. I like having better odds of living happily ever—"

"Endymion," he said, eyes trained on the white tablecloth. "And Apollo. Did you love them?"

Usagi was quiet as she watched his bowed head. What could she say to him? If she said no, he'd hate her for sleeping with men that she hadn't even loved. If she said yes, then he'd hate her for not loving him. Odds were good that he hated her anyways, and it _hurt_ that they couldn't... just go back in time and fix things. Make everything better. Maybe if she hadn't ended up marrying Endymion, Beryl wouldn't gave given Metallia a focus point and the moon kingdom wouldn't have been destroyed and the Utopia that she was supposed to create would be active already and the world wars could have been prevented—

Her eyes were snared by a violet dress flashing by them. _Violet_.... Her entire core melted.

"I didn't love them," she said quietly, not looking away from the dance floor. Not like she had loved Duo, anyways.

"Why, then?"

The heartbreak in his voice made her look up. His face was still bowed, so she couldn't see his expression. She could guess that he was barely holding back tears. He had always been a softhearted guy. Romantic. Easy to hurt... which is what she had done.

"I wanted to make you jealous," she said quietly.

"Do you know—"he began, looking up into her face.

Then Usagi understood something. She slowly pushed away from the table, brushed off her dress reflexively, and stood. "Mali, we can't be having this conversation. This all happened thousands of years ago. I don't know why you're even alive. I have had a long time to agonize over how stupid my actions were, and what a selfish, easy bitch I was. I have also had to deal with the aftereffects in this life. Don't you dare think that I haven't had my punishment, because I have. I've had it ten times over," she said fiercely. "I have a life now, Mali, and it has nothing to do with you, or the Silver Millennium! Is that perfectly clear?"

"It's the Gundam pilot, isn't it?" he asked, lips tight.

"No," she snapped, "it is _not_ the Gundam pilot."

"Then why the hell can't I get into your head?" he finally exploded. "The only reason for someone to not be able to hack into someone else is that either that person has a strong spiritual or physical bond with someone else, or that person has psychic training!"

"You're trying to hack into my head?" she demanded. "What kind of asshole are you?" _Protecting me even now, Duo?_ It was kind of ironic.... Even after all this, he still had her back. "What the hell do you want into my head for anyways?"

"I'm trying to tell whether you're telling me the truth or not! You lied to me all the time in the past, if you remember right," he said venomously. "Now sit down!" he hissed, waving a hand frantically as she gaped at his bit of viciousness. "We're making a scene!"

She rallied to her senses. _Stupid princes! Always think you can boss me around! _ "And you always hated to make a scene, didn't you? Well I think this is bloody well time enough to make a scene! What the hell are you trying to find out, ya goddamn pansy ass?"

"Who was it that you were in love with?" he asked desperately.

Pathetic, she through fuzzily. One thousand years, and he had not forgotten. One thousand years, and he had not been able to move on. It was romantic in a tragic sort of way. The spurned lover returns from the grave, searching for the love he had lost so long ago....

_I was in my lab, creating what I thought would be, well, something great for the world. A two headed cat! You could pet one kitty's head while you pet the other kitty's head.... But little did I know that atomic energy would turn this cat into a man-eating monster! The cat with two heads, whooooaaaaa, whooooaaaaaa, the cat with two heads! _The band continued in their mad ska way to sing about a magic chicken.

How... inappropriate.

Usagi decided to ignore the band (which was now clucking joyfully "Do the popcorn chicken! Do the KFC! Do the Buffalo wings! Do the pioneer! Cluck, cluck, cluck—") and focus on the problem at hand. She sat back down and touched his arm.

"See, Mali, this is why we really shouldn't even be seeing each other. We always start fighting, and it's stupid because we're both really cool people when we're not around each other. Don't you think it would be better to just forget about each other?" she asked soothingly.

"Who is it?" he managed to force out of his mouth.

Usagi slumped back against her chair. "It was the Gundam pilot."

"So you _did_ lie!" he hissed, moving to get up.

"No, I didn't," Usagi shot back. "You asked me who I was in love with right now, and it's not Duo! I'm not in love with him anymore! I wish to God that I was because that would make things so much easier for me, it really would. But apparently me being a wild card and whatnot, it leaves me with a handy dandy escape clause which I unwittingly used and am so, as a result, not in love."

Hope returned to his face, and Usagi felt like a complete boor that she was going have to crush that feeble light. "Then there's still time to win you back?" His entire body begged for the chance.

"Mali," she sighed. "I loved Duo with all of my stupid, dumb ass heart and that didn't get me anywhere. I'm not going to be falling back in love with anyone in this lifetime. I'm sorry," she added clumsily at his expression.

His sweet brown eyes watched her, and she wished so earnestly that things had been different between them. She really did think that maybe if she had been a different person, the two of them could have fallen so deeply in love.... They could have been Romeo and Juliet that had been given a happily ever after. They could have been the romantic couple to go down in the history books. People would have talked about their magic, of their all-encompassing love.... They could have spoken in hushed tones about the way that they had looked at each other, about how radiant the two of them looked....

It could have been magical... but it wasn't. It took her breath away; looking back on how many chances she had been given to live happily ever after. She could have had that golden world with Mali. She could have had the perfect Utopia with Mamoru. She could have had that wonderful, fantastic ever after with Duo. She could have had the universe at her feet at the side of Ran. Her insides shuddered.

_How could things go so impossibly wrong?_

It just took talent. Talent, and... and guts. A feeling began to grow deep inside Usagi's stomach. Not entirely sure what it was that was happening, her fingers curled around the sides of the chair as she shifted uncomfortably. It seemed as if someone had reached down and peeled off an impossibly thin film from her skin. The air felt fresh and new, and each unsteady breath that she took was like breathing new life into her body.

A slow smile blossomed on her face, and she stood again. Mali was looking up at her in confusion, and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "What's wrong?" he asked anxiously. "Are you alright?"

"Actually... I am. I'm better than alright," she said with a smile. "Because you know what? I don't regret it. I don't regret one damn bit of it. Because, Mali? I lived. I did some shitty things, and I feel bad about that but what have you been doing? You've been sitting on your ass for a thousand years stewing over this fucking soap opera that happened in a fallen kingdom.... And you haven't gotten over it. But you know what I've been doing? I've been _living_. I have been living, knowing what I did and knowing that it was a crappy thing.... And I've gotten over it. I wake up in the morning, and I—"

A happy, wonderfully uninhibited laugh rolled from her lips. "You know what?" she said with a big grin. "Forget about it. You're not going to get it. You never will. I can talk at you all I want, I can lecture you, I could call Jesus fucking Christ down here and have him agree with me... and you won't listen. And maybe that's just who you are. Maybe you're so hung up on how things ought to be that you can't get over and past them. Maybe that's just something that I can do because I'm rich, loved, and beautiful," she said with a wink. "But I'm leaving now. I have a family. Hell, I have _two_ families and they both want to see me. So I'm going to leave, Mali. You can do whatever the hell you want with that ultimatum of yours; I'm not giving into whatever you want."

"Usagi?" Ran asked, appearing beside her. "I lost you at the beginning of the dance," he explained. "Where've you been? I've been looking all over the place."

She turned towards him. "Fuck you, Ran," she said simply. "I _know_ damn well that you were the one that was sending those youma after me. I know that you're trying to seduce me and if a lot of shit hadn't gone down tonight I'd be fine with that and I _probably_ would have even agreed to a happily ever after with you but...."

"The aforementioned shit has, in fact, gone down," he finished for her with a rueful smile.

"And _man_ has it gone down," she said with a heartfelt sigh. "Well, I'm glad you understand. I'm going to go find my idiot brothers now," she explained, turning away from him... only to be stopped by a loose grip on her arm.

"Who said anything about understanding, my dear?" Ran asked pleasantly. "You actually think I'm going to let you run back to that moronic Gundam pilot? That would be... a waste of a future, princess."

She tugged on her arm, unsure as to what the appropriate reaction was. Should she be screaming rape yet? "So find someone _else_ with a future, Ran. I am otherwise occupied, sorry to burst your bubble."

His expression darkened. "There are only so many futures that actually mean something. _You_ are one of those futures, idiot! _You_ are something that matters. Find someone else?" he scoffed. "I think not. Admittedly, most of the people in this room have done things. They've changed people's lives. They've saved worlds. They've staved off the destruction of one thing or another but _you_. _You_ alone have the power to effect universes. You have the power to sway gods and demons. You have the charisma, the power, the beauty, the wit, and the charm. You could be unstoppable, and you settle for a pilot?" he seethed.

She yanked harshly on her arm. "It doesn't matter how much charisma, power, beauty, wit, or charm that I have you fucking asshole! Do you think that any of it matters to me anymore? I mean yeah, I'm vain. I love having control over people, I love being beautiful and I love knowing that I can call up a guy from a pool of thousands and he'd do anything for me. That's all great, yeah but _it doesn't matter_ because in the long run—"

"Don't you dare even _start_ that crap about Love! Don't you dare tell me that you'd drop all this for _him_. I _know_ you, Usagi, so don't you even start that classic cliché with me," he snarled. "Someone like you could never know anything about that!"

"And what the hell do you know about it?" Usagi raged. "I'll bet that you think that kind of love has to do with that charisma crap you were spouting off about, right? Well let me fucking tell you something! Love is more than that! Love has to do with something deeper than that! Love has something to do with souls! It's looking at someone and feeling like you would literally walk up to a mountain and push on it until one day you moved it enough to get to where he wants it to be. It's waking up next to someone and knowing without a doubt in the world that looking at him is what makes breathing possible. It's what makes it even thinkable that you keep inhaling and exhaling, because you know that if you didn't you would _die_ and you'd never get to see the stupid look on his face right when he wakes up. Love is—"she stopped, frustrated.

"And I suppose you'd know what that feels like," he said sarcastically.

"Damn right I do," she screamed. "I know because I am fucking in love with that stupid asshole Duo Maxwell and there is nothing I or any other shithead can fucking do about it! Every day I wake up by myself and wonder how the _hell_ I'm going to find the strength to sit up and walk to the breakfast table but then I remember that he's _alive_ and that's enough! Are you _listening_? That's enough for me! That little, stupid, insignificant fact is enough to make me not throw myself into traffic. Do you fucking _hear_ me yet, because I am _not_ fucking around anymore, you goddamn asshole!"

Mali looked at his watch. "Midnight," he said unnecessarily since Usagi's world had already exploded into a kaleidoscope of vibrant, neon colors.

"_Did you mean it?" they whispered against her ear._

"_Yes," she breathed._

"_You hurt a lot of people," they reminded her, whispering and testing, dissolving her skin and peeling back her bones._

"_I know."_

"_It didn't have to be like that," they sighed, stripping back the pretenses and masks of her mind._

"_But it was."_

"_Tomorrow doesn't have to be," they cautioned, dusting away the cobwebs and opening the rusted gates._

"_It won't," she promised, and she finally saw the colors of her heart._

"Humanity is ugly. There is nothing that can be done to escape this. It is an inherent part of human nature to be twofaced and amusingly evil. People lie. They cheat. They steal. They are jealous, they are hateful, and they are greedy.... It leaves one to wonder whether their hallowed Lord God knew what he was doing when he allowed them to choose between good and evil. It makes one wonder whether this ethical grime is worth free will, doesn't it?"

"I'm not here for a lecture on humanity, Count," the man snapped, beginning to grow uncomfortable. "I just want a pet. You said you had something that might help me, and if you don't tell me what's going on I'm going to call the cops. I have enough evidence to press some serious charges against you, sir, so I'd watch where I was stepping."

The count smiled. "I was just getting to the part where I make a smooth transition to the hope of mankind. Surely you wouldn't begrudge me a small pep talk? It'd also serve as an appropriate warning as to the nature of what you are about to witness, _sir_," he said with only the slightest mocking tone.

"Whatever," the man in the suit snarled.

"You are the prime example, my dear customer. You are the epitome of the American stereotype. You walk in here and are convinced that you are a busy man with a busy schedule. You are convinced that because you have a cell phone and talk to the presidents of large companies, you are more important than the penniless poet that drabbles about love on napkins in the local café."

"That penniless poet is _worthless_," the businessman growled. "I work my ass off to make money for my family, and I worked hard to get to where I am now! That damn poet doesn't deserve the time of day—"

"Oh?" the Count asked with mild amusement. "I would say that you are wrong. The poet is the man that sees the evil in humanity and knows it for what it is: a facet of the human nature. He know it for what it is, and seeks to better humanity by toting praises for the other personality of this human mind. He knows that there is a better world than this one. He knows that there are still reasons to live. He knows that there are causes to live for, and causes to die for. You, sir... you are the man that sees the world and its evils and shields yourself from the problems by becoming the problem. But you still know...."

By now the man had nothing to say. He just stood there; feeling that there suddenly wasn't enough room in the little hall. The walls were too close, the perfume hung too thick in the air and the count's face was too close to his own. His mind felt like it had been ripped open and exposed bleeding to the world.

_Come on world, time to eat...._

"What are you talking about?" he asked weakly.

"You know what the poet knows. You know that there's something better and it _kills_ you. You know that there are still classic ideals out there and you know that if you tried you could find them but you can't—or you won't because it's too big of a risk and it just seems hopeless. It seems hopeless because it _is_ hopeless, and the only way to win in this world is to be on their side but you can't because you're not rich enough because you're not ruthless enough and you're not ruthless enough because of what you know—"

"Then what the hell do you want me to do?" the man suddenly yelled. "Why are you telling me this? Why are you making me listen to this when you and I both know that there isn't a goddamn thing I can do about any of this _shit_ that we have to live in? Why?"

"Because there is, in fact, something I can do for you," the count said simply.

"What?" the man asked hoarsely.

"I can show you Hope," the count murmured as he opened the door the businessman hadn't seen until that moment.

The room was dark. All the man could see, at first, were indistinct shapes. He could make out some kind of arrangement of pillows on the floor, surrounded by thin gauzy drapes suspended from the ceiling, like some kind of eastern harem. All at once, four dim fires lit in the four corners of the room, and he could see what it was that was like a vague suggestion in his mind until moments before.

_Hope._

"Ummmm RIGHT. Well didn't go as well as I had originally planned."

"Obviously."

"Let's give that one another try them, hmm?"

"Are you serious? No. You've got to be kidding me."

"Oh, don't be a baby. It won't be that bad again. There's no possible _way_ that the genetics and everything will be that perfect. By this time her blood will be so diluted by stupid other blood that there's no way—"

"Better to be safe than sorry."

"And he's not going to be so... you know. Dumb this time. Or, not dumb, because... then it wouldn't be him. But he won't have been psycho pilot and everything, so that'll help. And she won't have gone out with that Chinese dude. And he'll—"

"Once an asshole, always an asshole. I think it gets imprinted onto the soul or something. It's regulations, man. Gimme a smoke. I need a smoke real bad, man."

"No kidding, but...."

"But what? Ah! Thanks, man."

"It was kind of cool, don't you think?"

"...."

"Right. Ugh. Blow your smoke at someone more deserving. So can I try again?"

"Fine! Just do it already!"

"And... you said you were going to quit smoking, man."

"Do you _want_ me to change my mind?"

"No, I was just saying—"

"Cuz I will! I can and I will, so _don't push me, mister._"

"Okay, okay, okay. Just chill, man. We'll give this another go, and then you can try to quit again."

"Don't push me, man."

"I'm not pushing you!"

"You're pushin it, and you know it!"

"Don't be such anal fu—"

Renowned high-school swimmer Ami Mizuno sat next to a vague acquaintance (named Yohji, so... not vague) silently, sucking contemplatively on a blueberry popsickle. His arm was draped casually around her, fingers tracing lazy circles on her bare shoulder. She was trying her best to concentrate solely on the nice, fruity flavor of her icy treat and therefore, you know... _ignore Yohji's fingers_. This was... paramount in importance.

Minako frowned at them. "Ami! You look positively stiff! That's unacceptable! My photography teacher says that _this picture_ is all my portfolio's lacking! Just be a good friend and at least _pretend_ to be interested in Yohji. For god's sake, loosen up!" Minako pleaded.

Ami blushed bright red, and turned her head quickly to the side. "Why did you choose us to be the subject anyways? You know a hundred other couples that are actually, you know. _Together_."

Yohji's finger's changed direction. Disconcerted, Ami flashed him a quick, confused look and blushed furiously at his sexy little smirk. She was going to die. It was certain. There would be no heaven for cute little Ami-chan because she was neck-deep in _sin_ and was going to _burn_ for even _thinking_ what she was—

"Ami," Minako began in exasperation. "I've explained it to you so many times now!"

"It's not her fault you're a psycho," Mamoru observed from his position behind Minako.

She shot him a dirty look. "You of _all_ people should believe me, Mamo-chan! You were a _prince_. As in, heir to some kind of fortune or at _least_ some ass kicking royal superpower."

Yohji perked up. "I haven't heard this story," he said in interest. "Am I in it?"

Ami muttered something that he found very interesting. "What was that, luv?" he practically purred against her ear.

The blue haired girl shrieked and would have leapt from the bench if Yohji's arm hadn't been holding her securely to his side. The fingers applied slight pressure to her shoulder, and she could feel his eyes boring into the side of her face and on _one_ hand she wanted to absolutely melt, because.... Yohji. Tasty. Who _wouldn't_ melt? But on the other hand... eep.

"What Ami may or may not have been trying to say is this: we all were friends in a past life! In the _very_ first past life that I even remotely recall, Ami and I were these princesses who had a sworn duty to hang out with and protect the uberprincess, Serenity! That dolt over there," she said jerking a thumb at Mamoru, "was the prince of earth and had a cute little brother named Pygmalion, usually just called Mali.

"Anyways, _I_ was engaged to Mamoru first, because they needed Venus' resources, and so Mali was shipped off to Serenity for marriage. Only problem was that Serenity was a rampant heartbreaker and Mali was a hopeless romantic and while _he_ fell madly in love with her, she... didn't. Only..." she trailed off thoughtfully.

"Only we—_Minako_ thinks that maybe Serenity did fall in love with him," Ami continued. "She wasn't really sure what love was at the time, and was mostly afraid of it anyways. How was she supposed to trust it? In her eyes love was sex appeal, and it was a tool to be used against weaker people like Mali. So they made a stupid teenage pact that it was to be a purely political union..."

"Except that they both got wildly jealous when the other saw someone else," Minako said, picking up Ami's train. "Mali respected their pact too much to say anything, and Serenity was too goddamned pigheaded to say anything. Bad things went down and—"Minako's eyes flickered to Mamoru, who shrugged.

"You can just say it. He died. He sacrificed himself for Serenity—according to your story, Minako, which I still think is absolutely ridiculous. But anyways, more uninteresting things happened—"

"We all _died_ you jackass!" Minako interrupted with a huff.

"—and we were all reborn in the 20th century. Problem being, of course, that due to our dear princess' rather supernatural origin, several things went drastically _wrong_. For one thing, the cards that Fate cast for her drew an ace of hearts, which bumps her to uncanny romantic levels. Add that with the magic already inherent in her nature and a few dirty tricks played by the gods and you wound up with an ex-princess destined to save the world... in more ways than one."

"See," Minako sighed happily, "we all got reborn with our powers from the past life. So we were the Sailor Senshi, destined to save the world! And when that was done, the magic that was _usually_ running rampant through our veins began to quiet, which allowed the second part of our dear friend Serenity/Usagi's fate to fall into place. Because of her wild cards and magic and crap, it created a weird kind of thing...." Here she looked uncertainly at Ami, who sighed.

"She became a kind of Christ figure for the whole of Creation. Because her love was magical and wondrous and everything, it became a sort of beacon. It became a light that signaled to the world that hope was not lost. Thing was, she was so messed up by _him_," Ami said with a pointed glare at Mamoru, "and Mali, and Diamond, and Jadeite, and, well, _everyone,_ that her love was beginning to flicker. She began to try to quiet it and shove it down into the recesses of her mind. That was, of course, not allowed to happen and so began toying with her subconscious. She began unconsciously reaching out to whole universes and drawing them towards her, because she wanted desperately to be loved, even though it wasn't happening quite the way she envisioned."

"So, the cavalry was called in. They assigned an operative named Ran to get in there and kill Usagi, thereby eliminating the threat of her reaching out and drawing all of creation in on herself," Minako said with a grin. "Jesus he was good-looking."

Ami giggled. "That's putting it lightly. So anyways, _according to Minako_," she said severely, "he came, he saw, and fell madly in love. So instead of killing her he decided to woo her. Only problem was that through an interesting twist of fate Mali's soul had been reborn and put to work in that department. He found out about the case and followed us all around in the guise of a creepy little child before finally showing his true colors at a big family reunion ball that was being put on in England at Usagi's mafia aunt's house. That, sadly, was the day of the ultimatum and she had managed to talk herself out of being in love with Duo—"

"Backtrack! Duo Maxwell," Minako explained, "was Usagi's one true love... just like her, too! Cute and stubborn and _stupid_ and _pissy_ and _irresponsible_ and _childish_ and _prideful_ and—"

"What she's trying to say," Ami said with a laugh, "is that when he and Usagi broke up, neither could bring themselves to apologize for something that was really both of their faults. So Usagi went about trying to ignore it, which, you know... the whole black hole of creation thing, and Duo sulked. Thing was, Usagi was still hung up on Duo, but she wouldn't admit it. So everyone figured that if they killed Duo, she'd be free to fall in love with someone else. So they tried, and failed, to kill Duo."

"And then Usagi suffered an epiphany and realized at the last glorious moment that she was truly, madly, and deeply in love with that stupid man of hers—"

"And so was granted a way to escape oblivion!" Ami said cheerfully. "The Powers That Be or Gods or Fates or whatever the hell you want to call them peeled back her humanity and laid bare her heart and soul. She took the appearance of her old self, of course, but because she was unhindered by memory or time or any mortal concerns, her heart and soul could love Duo without having to think about anything else. I think maybe the gods cheated a little, because they took the love and separated it from the whole... but the way that it worked out, her "light" could shine unimpeded. So she was tucked away in a small pet shop in Chinatown, where little by little she brought faith in humanity back to the world. And then after a few hundred years of that—"

"She was reborn," Mamoru said, looking past Minako.

Everyone turned around and Minako laughed out loud. There was a cable repair truck parked outside a large office building. There was a woman standing outside of the truck, screaming obscenities at the man cowering behind a security guard. Clearly livid about something she spun and for one terrifying second looked at them and—

_Blue_.

"What the _fuck_ are you looking at?" the blonde woman yelled. "Fucking idiots!" she shouted belligerently before leaping into her van and zooming off.

"Yeah," Minako said, recovering valiantly. "Just like that. Anyways," she said cheerfully, "Mamoru had his line of hussies and... Ami and Yohji! You two were banging each other!" she proclaimed cheerfully.

"WHAT?" Ami shrieked.

Ever one to be on the lookout for the fabled "opportune moment", Yohji figured this was as close he was going to get and so took the opportunity to kiss her. There was a click and a flash and Minako was squealing happily and Ami was sitting stone still, unable to grasp why Yohji was draping himself against the bench, smiling lazily. Mamoru was ignoring them and lighting up a cigarette, and Minako was leaping at Ami for a hug.

"Thank you Ami! The picture's going to turn out great!"

"Nng," Ami confirmed.

Yohji smirked, and Minako squealed again, grabbing up her camera and tripod. "Thanks again, you guys! I really appreciate it! You've done so much to help my career! I'll remember—and pay—you when I'm rich and famous! Ooo, you have no idea—"

Head low, hands stuffed deep into his pockets. Brown hair lit by the sunlight, he walked slowly as if enshrined in a little world known only to him. Brooding blue eyes were hidden in there somewhere, fastening on the cracked and aging sidewalk as it was ten times more interesting than the world around him. He had places to be, and people to meet. He would not stop for anyone. He would not bow to anyone. He would not shake his head from the clouds, for those clouds was where his iron will and steely countenance laid. He had things to do, so maybe it was not that he _would_ not pause... but rather that he _could_ not. But if he _did_ pause.... Well.

A peaceful smile lit Minako's face. She spun back towards Ami to find her deeply engaged with Yohji in... gods, what were they _doing_? And in _public_? Blinking the shock from her eyes, she turned to Mamoru.

"I'll be right back—"she stopped, flustered. "Or maybe not. But any rate, I'm leaving now," she said, rushed. _Can't loose him. Not now. _

"Yeah, whatever—"he did a double take. "Wait, what? Where are you going?" he demanded.

His back was facing her now. Gods, she had seen that same sight so many times before. Lips, pressed tightly together. Eyes dark and hooded, brow furrowed with the weight of purpose. She had always been filled with the sense that maybe if she hurried, if she could just reach far enough to touch him—maybe then....

She swung her backpack over her shoulder and took off running after the man that she had been waiting for. She knew that she'd find him eventually, but ever since she was a little girl she had dreamed about him. Ever since she was a girl she had been so _sure_ of herself because she knew.... Because she _knew_ that there was a boy... or a teenager, or a man out there that she was made to love.

_Faye was chatting excitedly about how great it was going to be to have another female on board. For one thing, Minako was Sailor freaking Venus and therefore was going to make collecting bounty heads a magical snap, and (the bigger plus in Faye's opinion) she'd have another girl to complain about Spike with! It was a win/win situation! It was all so—_

_Minako was ignoring her. She was happy that Faye was so enthusiastic about having her onboard, but... the misery was overwhelming. Hiiro hadn't called. He hadn't even stood up to stop her when she was leaving in the first place. Was she really that big of a failure? Was she really that horrible to be around? She hadn't thought so before, but... but if a man she really and truly loved couldn't be with her... who possibly could? At this point she didn't even care whether he came or not. She just needed out. She needed to take her mind off of everything. She couldn't just stay there and think about everything that went wrong...._

_Her fingers wrapped around the doorway of the big ship, and glanced back out across the docking area. Empty. The boneless wonder Ed leaped onto her back and hugged her tightly._

"_Welcome aboard, Vee-vee! It will be super fun with you on board! Welcome, welcome!"_

_No more stalling for time, then. As if reading her mind, Spike frowned at her from within. "Come on! We don't have all day," he snapped._

"_I'm coming," she said absently. With one last look at the dock, she stepped inside the Bebop._

_Five minutes later a man pulled up to the dock on his motorcycle. He swung his legs off the bike and removed his helmet. It fell from loose fingers, and the man walked slowly towards a package at the end of the pier, wrapped plainly in brown packaging paper. Lying across the top of the package was a simple white envelope, and a rose. Unbelieving fingers wrapped around the rose, unheeding of the thorns digging into his skin. Unreadable eyes lifted to look up at the stars, and he found himself damning himself, the stars, and the empty bay that would only serve as a reminder--_

It had been a calendar. She had been browsing through a bookstore a few months before, and had come across a calendar that proclaimed itself to be the best source for tragic romance, and the pictures that captured it. She had scoffed, at first. What would they know? But then, curious, she had flipped it over, and there he was. Rose held tightly in the capable hand, traces of blood only barely visible. The package sat forgotten on the planks next to the edge of the dock, his familiar jacket discarded on the ground. His head was tilted back, and he was just watching the sky, silently.

"Alone," the caption proclaimed

_He had come back for her._

She wasn't giving up this time. Having finally caught up with the man, she finally slowed down and slipped her arms around him from behind. "I was looking for you," she whispered.

The look of mild surprise on his face was priceless. "You have the wrong person, ma'am," he said coolly, breaking away from her and turning to glare at her... only to be frozen by the way she stood there, watching him with that warmth in her eyes and smile.

"I have exactly who I was looking for. I know what I'm doing this time," she said quietly, and, with uncustomary tenderness, stepped up to give him a feather-light kiss on his cheek. She pressed a piece of paper into his hand, touched his cheek gently, and then slipped back into the crowd.

So maybe she had a penchant for the dramatic, but she also had a feeling. This time there would be no doubt. There would be no question. There would be no hesitation. This time, everything would be right.

He hated cable. There was no doubt about it. It was evil. The bane of humanity. The reason society was crumbling. RIGHT THERE. The root of all problems (not _just_ his problems-- _everyone's_ problems) stemmed from that evil cable disk he had installed in his house.

"Thir, ya gonna be needin the phone again for the thpethial phone cable thervith?" Igor3003 asked, limping into his living room with a pair of women's underwear on his head.

Duo stared at the hologram and sunk further into his chair. He was so poor that his holographic organizer had mutated into a severely deformed midget monster with a lisp and a limp. It made for a funny story, he supposed. People loved to come over to his house and make Igor say tongue twisters that involved the letter "s". It was kind of mean, he had to admit, but there was something emotionally healing about hearing the stupid midget say "Silly Sally sells seashells by the seashore" and finding comfort in the fact that it _was_ in fact possible to have a worse life than he did.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Better get me that phone, bud."

"Yeth thir," Igor chuckled.

"Wait, wait, wait," Duo hurried, pulling himself halfway out of the chair. "Dude, why are you wearing women's underwear on your head? Wild night, eh man? Real wild? Sex, drugs, rock and roll?"

"Laundry."

"Oh."

The phone rang, and they both stared at it like it had grown fangs and was trying to eat them. Gingerly, Duo stepped over the pizza box and lifted the phone to his ear. He listened intently, and then shrugged at Igor. The hologram mouthed the word "hello" and jabbed a finger wildly at the phone. Duo stared at him in black incomprehension, until suddenly—

"Oh, oh, oh! Sorry! Hello?" he gushed into the phone.

"Duo Maxwell? This _is_ Duo Maxwell, right?" came a deep, snarling voice over the line.

"Uh... yeah," he said in confusion. "Listen, if this is about last month's water bill, I can _assure_ you that it probably just got lost in the mail or something. It _definitely_ was in the mail, though, I kid you not! I _swear_ I sent—"

"I don't give a shit!" the man roared. "I just wanted to tell you that your cable technician will be at your house in approximately... three seconds. Have a shitty day, asshole. I hope you fall and die!" he said savagely before hanging up.

Duo stared at the phone and set it back down in the cradle. "And _that_, Igor, is why I don't pick up the phone anymore. People are rude little assholes, you know. Can't trust _anyone_ anymore. Just don't understand. Feh."

_Wait. Three seconds._

The doorbell rang.

"Shit!" Duo swore as he sped to the door. "Of _course_ the cable has to break on the day that I didn't clean up! Fuck, this house is a total mess! I don't get it, Igor, what am I paying you for?"

"You're not paying me, thir," the hologram said dryly.

"Oh, right, my bad, hello sir," Duo greeted, opening the door. "And by "sir", you have to understand that I meant "ma'am". I've got a genetic predisposition to get the genders mixed up, there's nothing I can do about that psychological twitch. It's a sad thing, truly it is. Please, come inside!" he welcomed her, sweeping his hand majestically.

She raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Right. What the hell is that?" she demanded, pointing at Igor. "Did he have a wild night or what?"

Duo took pity on her, thinking that she might have been hit by bricks or something. "That's called a _hologram_. It's not real. It's like a ghost but not as annoying and the room doesn't go cold when it comes in unless it's got a fan with it," he explained.

She gave him a withering look of scorn. "I know _that_," she said, glaring at him and then sweeping into the hallway with the air of a princess.

"So what seems to be the problem? Couldn't find the on button or what? You shouldn't worry about it. There _are_ people out there that have problems like that. The first step to getting help is to admitting that you have a problem. Try to remember that, okay--- shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" she yelled.

"Don't hurt her!" he yelled, flinging himself into the living room (which is where the cable woman had escaped to while she had been talking at him).

The woman—Usagi, according to her nametag—gave him an odd look and crouched down beside him. "That pizza box did nothing to hurt you," she admonished gently, poking the box beneath him experimentally. "You know, from the looks of this apartment I'm surprised it hadn't grown legs and fur by now," she said with a grin.

"The CIA said that if I let that happen again I would be in violation of Code 36981427003, which has something to do with unauthorized civilians creating Frankenstein type creations out of everyday household objects such as pizza boxes. They took the last one away to their labs for testing. Secret government bio-research, you know," Duo said with a cheeky grin.

"So now I'll know who to blame when they start using custom made denizens of hell that look vaguely like furry pizza boxes as cops to keep us unruly citizens inline. Sweet. Thanks for the tip, man. But _Christ_ what have you been doing to this poor cable system? It's fucking _fried_."

Duo shrugged, and Usagi sighed. "Whatever, I'll just get it fixed and... stuff."

"Stuff?" he asked curiously.

She nodded. "Stuff," she confirmed.

He decided that she was cute. "What kind of stuff?" he asked interestedly as she jammed some sort of tool into the cable installation slot.

"Just... stuff," she grunted, giving the wall a good kick.

"I already tried that," he let her know.

"Just checking," Usagi mumbled, jiggling the tool around in the slot. And then she spontaneously burst into the chorus of "It's All Been Done" by the Barenaked Ladies, which was... an absolutely ancient band from at least seven hundred years before. He obviously had to marry her.

"You know that band?"

"I know everything," she shot back. "Okay. It's fixed," she announced.

"You spent like five seconds on it!" he protested. She couldn't leave that soon. He needed to marry her, still.

"I'm talented and beautiful. Those are two things in my favor, enabling me to pretty much to anything and everything. Except, you know. Be a model or an actress or something, since that takes anorexia and stupidity, neither of which I have, which is a pity. Or, not a pity since I wouldn't quite appreciate having an IQ that could only barely rival that of a fish and a body roughly the same size across."

"I dated an actress once."

"How many brain cells did you lose?"

"None, she was majoring in law."

Usagi sighed heavily. "I hate it when my stereotypes are destroyed. Well Duo Maxwell it was nice talking to you I suppose. I'll be back to fix your thingy if it breaks again, which I sincerely hope never happens. Hasta luego and all that jazz. Adios!" she called, swooping out of the door.

Duo sat on the floor and studied the door sullenly. He jabbed the fallen pizza box with his large toe and glanced back up at the door. The man then turned to look at the cable slot, all perfect and shiny and unbroken and probably in no shape to be breaking again anytime soon....

"Don't you dare," Igor gasped.

Usagi kicked the door open with a bang. She let out a roar of rage, successfully giving heart attacks to everyone in the vicinity. The electrically charged wires that Duo was preparing to stick into the cable slot slipped and jabbed into his skin, making him shriek like a little girl and leap around like he had a fish in his pants. The forgotten wires fell to the ground, where they connected to the pizza box. Given this opportunity to bring some life to the world, the wires pulsed with some extra energy. The pizza box howled in pain and took off through the air like some kind of UFO. Igor thundered in from the kitchen, closely followed by a completely naked female hologram. The landlord poked his head in through the hole in Duo's wall, took one look at the mess, and retreated.

Duo looked up at Usagi. "Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"I wasn't trying to break it to get you to come back here," he informed her.

"Of course not," she grinned.

"Because that would be stupid," he continued.

"But kind of cute," she reassured him.

"So... dinner?" he asked hopefully.

Her grin widened, and she closed his front door behind her. "That sounds great."

_Wonderful._

THE END

_You go your way, I'll go mine but I'll see you next time... (oo woo hoo hoo) it's all been done (oo woo hoo hoo), it's all been done (oo woo hoo hoo), it's all been done before.... _


End file.
